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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bringing dog to stay at relatives houses?

111 replies

Oaktree55 · 01/06/2022 12:26

We have two cats, one skittish. MIL insisting on bringing very active prey driven dog to stay. We have an annexe where she could stay happily with dog but wants to stay in the main house.

I wouldn’t dream of taking our dog to anyones house unless they suggested it. I’ll now have a very upset cat weeing everywhere for weeks after.

AIBU? How many people have others dogs to stay overnight?

OP posts:
Brefugee · 02/06/2022 09:09

OP you need to ask your husband why he thinks it's ok to upset you rather than his mother, and why he thinks it's ok to have your cats terrorised.

In your shoes? I would keep saying "you can stay in the Annexe" and if DH overrides you, there would be serious discussions about decision making on things like this (some things can be turn and turn about, some things are two yesses or it doesn't happen). For me this is a 2 yesses situation.

And in the event the dog was roaming in the night, i would shove it in her room and shut the door. Every time. One night only. Then i would ask her to leave. And if she and DH still insist she stay? I would go. And that would be that, frankly.

Whetheryouthinkyoucan · 02/06/2022 09:11

YANBU, if you don’t want the dog.

but in answer to your final question, loads
of people bring their dogs when they visit us. I have five dogs, a few more doesn’t make
much difference.

Intrigueddotcom · 02/06/2022 09:14

Yes my main issue is I feel it’s cruel on our cats as one in particular will react very badly.

and jot the fact you have young children, according to other threads, that would be around “skittish” dogs?!

violetbunny · 02/06/2022 09:20

I have two cats and I wouldn't even let a gentle well behaved dog in my house. Your MIL can strop all she wants, over my dead body would she be bringing a dog.

echt · 02/06/2022 09:51

What is up with people?

I have a dog and do not take him to other people's houses unless they actually ask (even then) nor do I want other people's dogs in my house. Cat or no cat; too much hassle.

Cherrysoup · 02/06/2022 09:52

Bizarre. Why won’t she just stay in the annexe? She sounds very difficult.

Dunnoburt · 02/06/2022 10:00

I've not had a very good friend over since she got her dog, because i have a cat and its her territory so to bring another animal into it would upset her. I explained to friend who completely understands and we know the lay of the land, YANBU, but i think you need to put your foot down and set the rules for your own home.

bellebeautifu1 · 02/06/2022 10:04

I use to bring my dog to my parents when we went to stay with them, but their property was all fenced with a big backyard and he was only a well behaved friendly foxy so he could not cause too much damage or trouble.

My dad always wanted a dog but my mother never wanted the responsibility so my dad loved having him around, he always volunteered to take him for walks and was happy to dogsit him if we went out.

zingally · 02/06/2022 10:18

YANBU.

The way I see it, she has 3 options:
1: She brings the dog, and stays in the annex with the dog. Leaving the dog there when she comes into the main house.
2: She leaves the dog with a sitter, or puts it in kennels.
3: She doesn't come.

Naturally, she'll present option 4 of dog being in the main house, upsetting your existing pets, and how "it's not a problem! Fido is good as gold! Why are you being weird about this?!"
Then you just revert back to "my house, my rules."

It's absolutely not fair to upset your cats for weeks on end, when there's at least 2 very reasonable and easy solutions available.

For what it's worth, I have strong feelings about "being expected to care about other people's dogs." My best friend has a lovely dog, a whippet, soft as anything, real sweetie. I've never had a dog of my own, and didn't grow up with them.
Anyway, about 9 months ago I agreed to do them a massive favour and dog sit their whippet for them in my little flat. I was promised it would be for a "lunch time to lunch time", with one overnight.
They rock up at 9:30am, and basically drop and run. They don't re-appear until 4pm the next day. Texts to chase them up got responses of "we're just stopped at the service station for a break" and "we're just at home now having lunch." When she did finally appear, she came with my 4-year-old god-daughter in tow, and a bunch of flowers, so I couldn't have the "slightly strong words" I'd intented.
Needless to say, I won't be doing them any more dog-related favours, and in their defense, they haven't asked. We've been friends 30 years, more than long enough to read the others signals when they're a bit PO'd.
But the dog was fabulously behaved the whole time, luckily!

Motnight · 02/06/2022 10:24

Why should your MIL's dog take precedence over your cats?

starlingdarling · 02/06/2022 10:37

You and DH are responsible for caring for your cats and that means not putting them through unnecessary stress. I think your DH and MIL are being unreasonable. Either she keeps it in the annexe or she gets a dog sitter. My DH wouldn't put me in this position but if he did, I'd have no trouble telling him where to shove it.

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