Bringing dog to stay at relatives houses?

[Oaktree55]

We have two cats, one skittish. MIL insisting on bringing very active prey driven dog to stay. We have an annexe where she could stay happily with dog but wants to stay in the main house.

I wouldn’t dream of taking our dog to anyones house unless they suggested it. I’ll now have a very upset cat weeing everywhere for weeks after.

AIBU? How many people have others dogs to stay overnight?

I wouldn’t take my dogs where they are not welcome, but I also wouldn’t be able to go. Dog sitters are not cheap. It’s not the same as bunging a local teen a fiver to feed your cat a couple of times. I think people don’t really realise the cost it adds to a visit.

It’s no one’s fault, and I certainly don’t blame anyone who doesn’t want them. But it’s also literally not in my budget to board them anywhere. I’m not being difficult, or doting on my dogs, or looking for an excuse not to visit.

I have stayed over with my dog before, but he is so calm and adaptable. As long as I am there, he just curls up in his bed and snores. But every dog is different - a nervous dog who gets wound up easily is another thing altogether.

Tell her to put it in kennels while she starts with you.

No is a complete sentence in this case . Why do the needs of her dogs outweigh the welfare of your cats .

If she wants to bring the dog, she can stay in the annexe.

You are not being unreasonable.

Why is your DH saying that you're being unreasonable here? Is it because you're saying no to his mother or does he not think that your pets are more important and shouldn't be disrupted in their home? I am just not understanding why he would think that a skittish, prey-prone dog is something you would want to have in your home.

Not being unreasonable to say "Sorry, Mil, you are most welcome to stay but Rover isn't welcome. I've heard from some colleagues that they have used X kennels and would highly recommend them. Here is their number so you can make the necessary arrangements for Rover to stay."

If she shows up with the dog after being told no - that's a whole other kettle of fish!

You do surely realise that not all dogs are able to stay in kennels.
No way in hell would I put my dogs in kennels ever. I'd rather not see people.

@Dobbysgotthesocks I despair at this attitude, it causes so many issues. Get a dog-sitter then etc etc. Just accept that when you take on a dog they won't be welcome everywhere! Not everyone likes dogs, not everyone likes children - they're grubby and sticky and make your house smell (Children & dogs!) .

Why??? Nowhere did I say I would force my dogs on anyone!!!! Nor would I force anyone on my dogs!!!
My dog has been abused and traumatised she's not ok to be left with strangers full stop. Not in a kennels - which would just add to her trauma - nor a stranger coming in to check on her. It just doesn't work for her!

People who don't have dogs don't realise that it's not always as simple as you might think to leave them. And that part of our responsibility as dog owners is to the dogs in our care. More so than visiting people!!!

She brings the dog, she's staying in the annexe, end of discussion. Your OH is a wet lettuce who doesn't want to upset his mummy, and presumably wouldn't lower himself to mop up all the cat wee in the following weeks and I'd be making both these points to him. Strenuously.

(And even if he did all the cleaning up, it's extremely cruel behaviour towards the cat, so the dog being in the house just isn't going to happen.)

No way would anyone being their dog into my house. It's my cats home! My friend's friends bring their dog to stay with them and it always upsets his cats. I don't know why he allows it.

We do in our family but the difference is we are all doggy households and it's just normal for us. It's not uncommon for there to be four or five dogs running around together at family events because everyone has at least one. We always take our dog to visit and stay with my my parents and vice versa.

But I wouldn't take her to stay at a friend's house or somewhere unfamiliar unless she was explicitly invited. But if we were all meant be going then I probably just would say it wasn't possible for us to stay as I wouldn't put my dog into a kennels or arrange a dogsitter for a short-term visit and I'd probably just find somewhere nearby and dog-friendly to stay.

I have a prey-driven dog. There is no way on earth I would take him anywhere with a cat.

Thankfully, however, I have a relative who provides free dog sitting (and alas I don't know anyone with an annexe!) Trying to come by a dog sitter at short notice this year seems to be like trying to come by a passport at short notice...

Oh and in this case when she has an acceptable solution right there, she is being very unreasonable.

Default starting point is, if you have a pet and are going away from home, you find someone to take care of it, be that boarding kennels / cattery / guinea pig boarding, or someone coming into your home.
Or you book in to a campsite or camper van or holiday let that says it welcomes pets.
If the people you are going to stay with specifically say "do bring your pet", then that is the exception, but if they don't invite the pet, you don't take it.

Stand your ground and don’t let the dog stay. As the owner of a tricky prey driven dog I wouldn’t dream of taking her to someone’s house with cats because given half the opportunity she would chase and kill them (we assume although we manage her heavily so these situations don’t arise). It’s genuinely not worth the risk. Even my mum’s soft flop of a dog has caught a squirrel and killed it purely because it ran and their prey drive just kicks in

No, as per my previous post we only take him places he is welcome, but that’s not what your post was about. I was just explaining that actually, not all dogs can be left despite you claiming that was ridiculous.

Do not subject your cats to this. It’s cruel to bring an animal into their territory.

Even if you didn’t have a cat, it would be perfectly fine to say no. Frankly, she is rude to even ask. If a person is welcome to bring their dog the host can offer that option with the invitation.

if she won’t visit without the dog, then she won’t visit. Don’t compromise. Your cats deserve better.

I wouldn’t offer the annex because your MIL won’t leave the dog in the annex during the day. She will still want to bring the dog into the house whenever she enters the house

I do but my cats are used to dogs

I think the latter of these would be my response.

No.

Just No.

No "Sorry that doesn't work for me".

Just NO in big neon letters.

If your DH wants to spend time with her, he can visit HER and her dog.

I have three dogs and I wouldn’t dream of doing this. She doesn’t get to ‘insist’ that she brings her dog. It’s her responsibility as an owner to ensure that her dog is able to be boarded / kennelled / house sat if she needs to go somewhere unsuited to a dog. There’s no way a prey-driven dog should be allowed free range of someone’s home when they have cats and don’t want this situation.

Her dog doesn’t get priority over your pets in your own home. She either does as she is asked or she finds alternative arrangements for her dog. Selfish thoughtless woman.

I’d only take my dog to visit someone if it didn’t cause any problems by being there. E.g. Can take to visit both DDs as both have dogs and they get on with mine. Cannot take dog to visit one friend as she has a nervous cat, another friend is allergic to dog hair so not there.
You’ve offered your annexe, if she’s not happy with that then dog stays home/boarding.

What has she got against the annexe?

I'm not against dogs, we used to have one. Currently we have rescue cats so dogs aren't allowed. It's not a discussion, the whole thing is ridiculous.

"I'm sorry MIL but you can't bring the dog into the house as it will terrify the cats, who live here. He can stay in the annexe or, if that doesn't suit you, I understand you won't be able to visit at this time or any other."