AIBU to be terrified of telling my mother I’m divorcing and I’m gay?

[ScaredANDalone123]

My mum is very critical and judgmental and we’ve had a strained relationship for as long as I can remember.
Ive been cohabiting for a year now with my soon to be ex husband after coming out as gay.
Its been very stressful and difficult as we have 2 children.
I couldn’t bring myself to tell my mother about any of it.
Im seeing her Saturday after not seeing her for a few months and know I have to tell her - the kids will no doubt mention something soon and Christmas will roll around and she will ask.
I feel sick.

I read an interesting article recently that reframed coming out as letting others in. It’s a privilege for your mother to share parts of your life with you, if she cannot be on board with your authentic self then that’s her response that you are not responsible for and she doesn’t get the privilege of being let in right now. And I say right now because I do wonder if there’s an element of her getting her head around things - change takes time to embed and she might just need some time to calm down and realise you are still you, once she’s got over the shock side of things. That perspective takes a lot of grace from you when you are already dealing with a lot though!

I just keep missing him and the family unit we had even though I know the connection and attraction is completely different with her

On living together, I second advice to see a solicitor and look at your options.

My ex refused to leave although he ended the marriage. We were stuck living together for two years and it was horrific. What little chance there was by that point of us keeping things amicable was wrecked by his determination to live his new life under my nose. You really don't want to know when your ex is out all night, for example, or accidentally walk in on a Zoom date (ex was online dating during lockdown. Awkward). It's also not great if your kids see either of you getting home at breakfast time from a night out (my ex again). If you're in your own places then you can both have some distance and move on.

You can't force someone out if the house is jointly owned, but it will most likely be miserable for both of you if you don't have the conversation and work something out.