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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be terrified of telling my mother I’m divorcing and I’m gay?

78 replies

ScaredANDalone123 · 31/05/2022 22:16

My mum is very critical and judgmental and we’ve had a strained relationship for as long as I can remember.
Ive been cohabiting for a year now with my soon to be ex husband after coming out as gay.
Its been very stressful and difficult as we have 2 children.
I couldn’t bring myself to tell my mother about any of it.
Im seeing her Saturday after not seeing her for a few months and know I have to tell her - the kids will no doubt mention something soon and Christmas will roll around and she will ask.
I feel sick.

OP posts:
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 03/06/2022 00:31

Please don't live your life worrying what your mother thinks. It took me 60 years to realise I no longer care what mine thinks and I've never felt so free.
A very close relative came out to my mother and she said, "Well I really can't see the point of lesbians", presumably because neither of them have a penis.
i was disgusted with her.
Send her a short note and let her digest it alone.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 03/06/2022 00:42

You probably should tell her that you are divorcing. It does involve her as you are changing her family too.

Did you ever tell her you were heterosexual? If not, why tell her that you are gay? If you want to tell her do - but some things parents can work out for themselves or ignore.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 03/06/2022 00:46

Sorry - I missed your update.
What a pity she is exactly as unsupportive and judgemental as you feared.
She is just a lesson in how not to treat your children.

(Whatever she says, you can be comforted knowing that you are not doing anything on this scale! You survived her. Your children will be fine- of course. )

Vikinga · 03/06/2022 00:52

Hi op, I'm really sorry about her reaction. It is awful as we are conditioned as childre to seek approval from our parents. However, the fault isn't yours it is hers. I've told my kids from a very young age that I don't care about their sexuality and their gender, that I just want them to be happy.

My best friend is gay and she had a horrendous time. Her parents did end up accepting it but for a few years it was awful.

What I'm trying to say that as awful as they have made you feel, the problem isn't you, ut is them.

You've been very brave and you've been true to yourself. So much better for your kids to see you truly happy and their father with someone who loves them than living a lie.

pinkfondu · 03/06/2022 07:19

Op please hear this what she thinks or says is not your reality. Have faith in your children. Have faith in yourself. All the negative thinks in your head that you think are probably her voice. Do your mental health a favour and block her, even if you do t feel able to cut her out, and you wouldn't be unreasonable to do that!

MartinReubyUnsungHero · 03/06/2022 08:31

You haven't ruined your children's lives. You've fallen in love with someone else. That she happens to be a woman in by the by really. You might be bisexual. There aren't only two options.

The thing is that you wouldn't have fallen for her if you were happy in your marriage. You wouldn't have decided to separate if you were happy in your marriage. Millions of parents get divorced. Society hasn't completely broken down as a result. Make sure the kids know that they are loved and prioritise their emotional security over anything else.

But if being with women makes you happy then don't deny yourself happiness. It's far better for them to grow up with the example of happy relationships and not miserable ones. That will screw them up more than an amicable separation.

I would find an LGB group for you to support you through this. Maybe give these guys a call

switchboard.lgbt

BuanoKubiamVej · 03/06/2022 08:44

Honestly you don't need her approval and you don't need her in your life. You've survived her parenting, and now you can be free of her.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 03/06/2022 08:54

You aren’t ruining your children’s lives but you do need to be courteous/compassionate to your ex. I wouldn’t get in contact with your mother. She has behaved appallingly.

MichelleScarn · 03/06/2022 09:08
  • I have been in a relationship of sorts for the last few months - it was falling in love with her ( my best friend ) that instigated all of this. its so hard to explain - I fell completely in love with her but it’s like I didn’t fall completely out of love with him. hence the near breakdown I had.*

Did you tell your husband before you started the relationship with her?

AnotherEmma · 03/06/2022 09:08

Your mother is toxic and abusive. Coming out to a parent like that is completely different from coming out to a loving parent - even if the loving parent is shocked and disapproving, they would not have such a damaging and poisonous reaction.

OP, I don't know know if this is helpful or not, but I don't think there's anything you could do to get your mother's approval. Whether you're straight or gay, married or divorced, any other potentially "controversial" thing, she is always going to criticise and abuse you. So IMO this isn't really about you being gay and getting divorced. It's about your relationship with your mother.

My advice is to read 'Toxic Parents' by Susan Forward, check out the Stately Homes threads, and continue your counselling, focusing on your mother. You need to give yourself the opportunity to heal from the damage she's been inflicting on you since childhood in order to feel ok about yourself and your choices as an adult.

You are doing the right thing by yourself and your whole family.

GreekYoghurtPot · 03/06/2022 09:10

I've been exactly where you are OP. 15 years ago. Please believe me, this is the hardest bit. It will work out.

I've now been with my wife for 13 years and I'm so happy. My kids are grown up and also fine and happy.

Your mum has chosen her path now, let her go.

I definitely wouldn't advise cohabiting for much longer, you will need to allow each other to move on.

Good luck OP.

motogirl · 03/06/2022 09:14

Does she need to know you are gay (at least for now)? Just say you have decided to amicably divorce (assuming you stbexh is ok with this) and leave it at that. The drip feed about dating women can be fed in at a later date when it's necessary.

AnotherEmma · 03/06/2022 09:33

Read the OP's updates at least.

Hoppinggreen · 03/06/2022 09:37

Unless you have a new female partner you want to introduce her to you dont need to tell her you are Gay.
If you make a big announcement you are making it a bigger deal than it needs to be. Just tell her things weren’t working with your ex and you didn’t want to be with him anymore. Then when/if you are in another relationship you can tell her about it

ScaredANDalone123 · 03/06/2022 10:44

Sorry for not getting back to this last night.
It all hit me like a ton of bricks and I ended up going for a 3 hour walk in the night to try and clear my head.
I did feel I had to tell her I was gay because the children already knew, one of them dropped something in by accident last year and it also didn’t feel right saying we were divorcing for any other reason.
I did start the conversation off saying we are very different people and always have been, I find it hard to sit down and relax and enjoy active things and he is the polar opposite but then she started shouting that he works very hard ( no matter the fact I also work very hard, for her, a man who goes to work and comes home of an evening is something to be extremely grateful for ) so I didn’t want to sound like I was passing the buck or attributing any sort of blame his way so the only thing I could do was to be honest.
She has put £5000 in my account this morning to buy a car for the children fo get around ( he has a company car which I’m no longer driving ) followed up with a message that as I didn’t meet the other woman online or in a bar etc that I possibly couldn’t help it but it is a big shock to her system.
It can be all quite passive agressive which is why I’ve found it hard I think to completely cut contact with her

I am now just thinking I’ve caused such destruction and all because the connection I found with a woman was very different to that with a man - my mum said that shouldn’t have been enough to cause destruction to 2 young children’s lives and I’m starting to panic that she’s right.
Sometimes even now I’ll look at him doing something with the kids and I’ll feel a rush of love for him in a family unit way and I wonder what the hell I’ve done.
Financially we have to cohabit as he won’t leave the home and I can’t afford to even rent a 1 bedroom place in this area.

OP posts:
ScaredANDalone123 · 03/06/2022 10:46

Someone asked if I told him before starting a relationship with her.
Yes - I told him I was having confusing feelings, we cut contact for 6 months and I had counselling.
I realised I couldn’t make it work with him and it was still a few months after the final split where he told the children and his family before I saw her again.

OP posts:
LondonMaybe · 03/06/2022 10:51

Oh lovely.
what do you gain from your relationship with your mother? You don’t owe her anything just because she’s your mother if she treats you like this.
resuce contact to a level that works for you.

you sound great and your children will have a happier life with separated parents who get on and still like each other than you staying and having to drink to be intimate. You can leave your Husband for any reason you want.

in our family we have parents who have separated and they do so well by their kids and sounds like you will do the same. The parents get on and have Christmas Day together, one parent stays the night in the spare room and shared Christmas Day. They go on holiday and have a caravan each next to each other and the kids are parents getting on. It really is great although I appreciate it doesn’t work for everyone but you can make it work.

Winterhail · 03/06/2022 10:53

I'm quoting the bit about, why are you divorcing? You say you still love him - does he still love you?
If so then unless you want to pursue a lesbian relationship, then I don't see the point in divorcing.
There are many forms of perfectly happy marriages regardless of sexual orientation.

girljulian · 03/06/2022 11:06

ScaredANDalone123 · 03/06/2022 10:44

Sorry for not getting back to this last night.
It all hit me like a ton of bricks and I ended up going for a 3 hour walk in the night to try and clear my head.
I did feel I had to tell her I was gay because the children already knew, one of them dropped something in by accident last year and it also didn’t feel right saying we were divorcing for any other reason.
I did start the conversation off saying we are very different people and always have been, I find it hard to sit down and relax and enjoy active things and he is the polar opposite but then she started shouting that he works very hard ( no matter the fact I also work very hard, for her, a man who goes to work and comes home of an evening is something to be extremely grateful for ) so I didn’t want to sound like I was passing the buck or attributing any sort of blame his way so the only thing I could do was to be honest.
She has put £5000 in my account this morning to buy a car for the children fo get around ( he has a company car which I’m no longer driving ) followed up with a message that as I didn’t meet the other woman online or in a bar etc that I possibly couldn’t help it but it is a big shock to her system.
It can be all quite passive agressive which is why I’ve found it hard I think to completely cut contact with her

I am now just thinking I’ve caused such destruction and all because the connection I found with a woman was very different to that with a man - my mum said that shouldn’t have been enough to cause destruction to 2 young children’s lives and I’m starting to panic that she’s right.
Sometimes even now I’ll look at him doing something with the kids and I’ll feel a rush of love for him in a family unit way and I wonder what the hell I’ve done.
Financially we have to cohabit as he won’t leave the home and I can’t afford to even rent a 1 bedroom place in this area.

I'm so sorry it all went so badly with your mum. However, I would listen to what she's saying here -- it was a shock to her system, which is the case with a lot of people who are homophobic on the general level but possibly not on the personal one, once they get used to it. The fact that she's given you money for the car certainly is passive aggressive, but if she's anything like my mother, it might be her way of starting to apologise? She may come round.

If she doesn't -- well, she's wrong, your kids are fine and your husband understands and you've done nothing wrong. But I would take this kind of gesture as hopeful.

My mother is extremely homophobic and when she found out I was bi (actually she thought I was a lesbian) she absolutely hit the roof. She said she never wanted to hear anything about it, etc etc. I ended up marrying a man, but he has an intersex condition (before anyone says anything, this is how he likes it to be described) which means he's infertile. I had to explain this when we went for IVF, having always known IVF was the only option, and she once again went mental, demanded to know if I meant he was "a tranny" (i.e. a trans man; he's not) and why I couldn't've Married Someone Normal etc. Obviously I was furious, cut her off, but she apologised and is now very fond of him. I think people like these women, who are knee-jerk bigots, react terribly and cruelly to the shock of knowing People Like That might be in their lives and close to them, but they can claw it back. I'm generally okay with my mother now.

AnotherEmma · 03/06/2022 13:44

"Financially we have to cohabit as he won’t leave the home and I can’t afford to even rent a 1 bedroom place in this area."

Cohabiting is not sustainable in the long term or even the medium term.

I think your head will be a mess as long as you continue to live with him.

Seek legal advice about your options. Do mediation with your husband if necessary.

Some links for you

www.advicenow.org.uk/guides/survival-guide-sorting-out-your-finances-when-you-get-divorced

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/if-you-were-living-together/what-happens-to-your-home-when-you-separate

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/how-to-separate1/mediation-to-help-you-separate

ScaredANDalone123 · 03/06/2022 20:57

No amount of advice can change the financial stuff sadly
I am stuck in the job I’m in for childcare reasons for at least another 2/3 years and he will never agree to moving out
I agree with the poster who said until we live apart we will never completely move on.
Its his birthday today and I feel terrible, he looks broken and I just want to give him a hug but he hates me now for the most part so I doubt that would be well received.
what a complete mess.

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 03/06/2022 21:09

he will never agree to moving out are you coming from the argument you think he should? Could you afford the property without him, what about childcare are you going g 50/50?

ScaredANDalone123 · 03/06/2022 21:14

No I don’t think he should at all - just that he could choose to at any point if he finds this too stressful etc whereas I don’t have that choice
I could afford it as would get some assistance as my wages are low
No childcare is done by me and always has been, I work in flexi hours as have been with my employer for so long so basically do all school runs and holidays so my pay is low as the hours don’t match full time!

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 03/06/2022 22:57

Well he needs to step up with providing or contributing to paying for childcare.
It can't be you don't want to be together anymore so he needs to move out and let you have the house equally as much as its unfair if you are also working full time and providing most of the childcare.

AnotherEmma · 03/06/2022 23:47

You really, really need legal advice.

You would definitely be entitled to child maintenance and would probably be entitled to UC as well. And a solicitor could advise on possible options for housing and division of marital assets. If he's a high(er) earner with a decent pension pot, you could arguably stay in the family home and keep a higher portion of the equity, for example. But you need legal advice.