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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to handle bonkers request from neighbour

251 replies

DaphneMoonsSeattle · 31/05/2022 16:38

We live on a small estate (22 houses). One of my neighbours knocked on my door yesterday to ask if I could please stop my DC riding their scooters past her house.

Today my DD came in to tell me that the neighbour had now asked her not to ride on the footpath outside her house. I went outside. She asked me why my DC ride on the footpath right outside her house. I told her; it's a footpath. They're allowed on the footpath. I have asked DD to avoid being right outside her house but my DS is autistic. I've told her that. He doesn't understand "don't ride your scooter on this particular bit of the footpath".

But, aibu to think that what she's asked is unreasonable? You can't ask people to not use a footpath! They are not on her property, fair enough she can absolutely ask people not to be on her property, but she can't control the footpath. She's complained that they ride their scooters near her car. Her car is parked right beside the footpath. She's in a corner house so she probably does have more footpath outside her house than most. But that's not really anybody's fault. She's really taking it personally. 'They're outside MY house'. They're on the footpath, they're not peeking in her windows!

OP posts:
2pinkginsplease · 31/05/2022 17:42

I would tell her that it’s a public footpath and you will not be stopping the children riding their scooters on it,

if they were going up her drive or playing right next to the car on her drive (like my delightful neighbours children do) then I would have a problem but they are riding on a public footpath!

Saracenia · 31/05/2022 17:43

To be honest, the noise would drive me nuts after a while. I would do what I could to stop my child driving my neighbour nuts.

LookItsMeAgain · 31/05/2022 17:44

BlanketsBanned · 31/05/2022 17:36

3 hours is a lot, even worse if they are laughing, shouting at each other, squealing. That would drive me nuts. Is there anywhere else they can play.

It's really not. When kids are on half term or on their school holidays, they can be out from 9 in the morning until 9 at night. 3 hours is not a lot. It really isn't.

Original poster
DaphneMoonsSeattle · 31/05/2022 17:45

I actually have to go now, I have 101 things to do. The DC are inside too so not disturbing anyone. Thanks to everyone who gave their opinions (expect the PP who called me lazy 😁 that's so far off the mark I'm not even offended)

OP posts:
CuriousCatfish · 31/05/2022 17:47

user1471457751 · 31/05/2022 17:32

3 hours of having to listen to your kids scooters against concrete, that would drive me nuts. My neighbour's kids do it for 10 mins and it is annoying. It is very loud to the point I can't use my front room if I want to hear Zoom calls. Perhaps stop being so anti social and lazy and take your kids to a park.

I hate how more people working from home means they expect the rest of the neighbours to be quiet.

Maybe stop being so lazy and go into work.

Eryr22 · 31/05/2022 17:48

My husband is a mature student and has been studying for final exams recently. We’ve had children shouting and scooting up and down for hours every day. I have to admit it’s been really annoying and hard for him. I was also horrendously unwell for a couple of months recently and wasn’t able to catch any sleep in the day because of the noise… I’d never say anything to my neighbours about it though!! I can see both sides!

TheVanguardSix · 31/05/2022 17:48

Bonkers.
They're in school all of the time. It's half-term. It's more noise and activity than usual but it's only a few days.
In the summer hols, I'd be more mindful of how often they're scooting past her house because that can get a bit much. But since it's half-term, it's a short-term problem.
Maybe tell them to be quieter when they're near her home, just to keep the peace. It's a compromise of a sort.

maddy68 · 31/05/2022 17:49

TBF they can sound really rattly and annoying.
Scooters shouldn't be on the pavement anyway nor should bikes legally.

SpiderVersed · 31/05/2022 17:49

DaphneMoonsSeattle · 31/05/2022 17:26

How many hours? Could be as many as three on a nice summery day. That's 3 hours total time, not at all once.

Oh god, that changes everything! I was thinking she was really unreasonable until this post.

Whizzing up and down on scooters for 20 minutes is part of community noise. THREE HOURS of noisy rattling scooter wheels on a nice day when you'd want to open your windows would be horrific.

CrocodilesCry · 31/05/2022 17:50

Yeah it's not actually a bonkers request though. Three hours a day up and down outside her house, I'll bet she (and others) are probably tearing her hair out.

I'd have them play right outside your own house, or have them play in different places so they're not always outside the same houses. Then nobody can get too upset.

If your son can't follow those sorts of instructions though he shouldn't be outside without supervision anyway TBH.

Hutchy16 · 31/05/2022 17:52

She should be happy you haven’t sent her out with a basketball…they thud through the entire house.

i don’t see her problem, your daughter is out at reasonable hours (presumably) and really, how much noise could she make for it to be louder than the lady’s tv (considering it has to go through the windows) - she sounds like a nightmare neighbour

Mojoj · 31/05/2022 17:53

Laugh in her face.

CandleSchtick · 31/05/2022 17:54

People do not own bits of public footpath and road that happen to be situated outside their homes
I don't suppose the neighbour would be bothered if it was being used as a footpath and not a playground.

Soakitup37 · 31/05/2022 17:55

YANBU OP, you’re damned if you don’t and damned if you don’t if you have kids!

neighbour didn’t help by asking in such a self-righteous way! If she’d said to be aware of the noise I might have said to keep that in mind, but no I’m not going to stop my kids riding past her house to appease her!

I grew up on a road just like this with a moany old man doing the same we used to ride bikes around the estate all summer long and his precious rover which never went anywhere seemed to be more important than kids being harmless (we literally never did anything to provoke him) but he would moan every single day.

I adored those “play out” days, kids get so much rap for just being kids! I think it’s sad that we have to police such noise!

I now live in flats so there are lots of noises to accept, and a swing park next door - I have no right to ask the park kids to be quiet while I wfh or nap!

she can jog right on!

Mariposista · 31/05/2022 17:56

'Sorry, unless they are actually disturbing you, putting other path users at risk or on your property, I can't tell them not to use the scooters there'.

Eeebleeb · 31/05/2022 17:56

Just tell her no, you can't. I would never buy a house on a however nice an estate because it will be full of kids and they will play on the street. She is unreasonable. Tell her to leave your kids alone.

Perhaps stop being so anti social and lazy and take your kids to a park

Ah feck off with that, it's good for kids to play around their houses without mummy and daddy taking them every single place.

Sometimes hard put to it to know what kids ARE allowed to do these plays. Play just in front of their own house, seriously?

Doginthewindow · 31/05/2022 17:57

I’d be concerned that if your dc can’t follow a very simple instruction, to let them be outside by themselves for 3 hrs a day. Presumably near cars. It doesn’t really add up.

Doginthewindow · 31/05/2022 17:59

Mojoj · 31/05/2022 17:53

Laugh in her face.

Unhinged? Use your words. Consideration goes both ways.

October2020 · 31/05/2022 18:00

She has no legal right, but it would be polite to keep them away. Even half the time.

Kids on our road were scooting past our baby's window after bed time. I asked nicely if they would mind not doing that. They were absolutely fine about it and scoot there during the day but I hear their parents reminding them at about 6pm. Which is perfect for me. It's part of being polite and rubbing along together.

If your child isn't able to follow instructions about keeping away from a certain area then he shouldn't be outside unsupervised anyway.

SundayTeatime · 31/05/2022 18:01

Three hours on a scooter is way too much. I feel sorry for your neighbour. You repeatedly call it a footpath, so you must know it’s for feet, not wheeled vehicles. It’s fine for children to play out and use their scooters from time to time, even on the pavement, but three hours is not on.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 31/05/2022 18:04

I would be worried about my 6yr old being out on pavements like that, without proper supervision (a 9yr old isn't responsible enough). From the diagram it looks like they are out of eyeline of your house, on a road used by cars. DC fly round on scooters, it's dangerous (I may be biased as one of my DCs was injured when they were knocked over by scooter (out without parents!)

Do you have a back garden for them to play in? (a lot of MNers assume everyone has a garden) If so I would chucking them into the garden and scooters only to be used outside/at the park when you are with them.

6 is too young to be unsupervised on a scooter IMO, also they're little so below a lot of peoples' eyelines when they are driving/reversing.

(Also if you have to stay outside watching you'll realise how fucking annoying those little wheels are Grin)

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 31/05/2022 18:05

Is eyeline the right word? I'm not sure if that makes sense, apologies if not!

serenghetti2011 · 31/05/2022 18:05

Not sure how not taking your kids to the park is lazy and anti social. I take mine but I also work and have dinner to make, washing etc to get sorted packed lunches to make I can’t be sat chatting to other mums down the park every day.

my son was on his scooter earlier and the path is right outside and I couldn’t hear him at all, not all scooters are rattly and old his he designed himself for his birthday last year. My neighbours are v annoying though so even if he was noisy tough as they sit outside in cars booming with music, smoke out of windows, shout and swear in their garden whilst playing offensive music etc sit up all night in garden laughing shouting etc they are v v irritating.

ImAvingOops · 31/05/2022 18:07

If you want to live in silence you need to go and live in a nice big detached house with acres of land. If you can't you have to suck it up

Neither lives in a big house with acres of detached land and so neither should behave as if they do!
The neighbour can't expect to live without normal levels of noise but the OP shouldn't be treating the space outside her neighbours house as if it was her own private garden.
There's no reason why the kids can't play outside the OP's own house for hours every day.

Onemoresleeptogonow · 31/05/2022 18:08

Ask her to clarify which part of the public footpath she owns....