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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my ex as our daughters 'family manager' on Google?

92 replies

Applepea1 · 31/05/2022 14:22

My ex brought our daughter a new tablet and set up a Google account for her. It prompted him to set up Google family and he put his email in and sent me an invite as an additional parent. I do not want this, he has full control and observation over a child who he see's for a few hours each week. He emotionally abused me and this just feels wrong. The manager can't leave the group and I can't have any control on her account unless I join the account and become part of the family. He says he can't see what the problem is. I'm tempted just to open another account using my email. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 31/05/2022 14:23

How old is she?

What does she use her tablet for?

What can the manager do?

BakeOffRewatch · 31/05/2022 14:24

No you’re not unreasonable, just reset the phone to factory settings and create a new account and don’t give it anymore headspace. If asked, grey rock.

autumnboys · 31/05/2022 14:24

Let the tablet stay at his house, don’t add anything to the calendar. He can be the family manager of a blank calendar.

BakeOffRewatch · 31/05/2022 14:25

He didn’t have to set up Google family, and given what you say about previous emotional abuse, I’d avoid engaging in things which he has full control of.

Schwarz · 31/05/2022 14:25

How old is she?

If she's only young it's a good idea to have a parent as the family manager - if he bought the tablet it makes sense he'd just sign himself up as that, then additionally invite you as a parent as well. As a parent you still get the control access don't you? Do you want to be the only parent with parental access?

maythe4thbewithme · 31/05/2022 14:26

I don't see the issue. He is her father

Bintymcbintface · 31/05/2022 14:30

He set himself as the parental control on a tablet he bought for her. I don't see the problem here YABU

Hont1986 · 31/05/2022 14:35

Yes, YABU. This is more about your feelings toward him.

PeekAtYou · 31/05/2022 14:44

I would buy a second tablet that had you as the manager.
The one with dad as manager can stay at his house. As he's abusive, you could make up some reason like you don't want it damaged.

NarcissasMumintheDoghouse · 31/05/2022 14:47

I wouldn't trust him or his motives either. Do what an earlier poster recommends - factory reset, then set up a new account for her.

RedWingBoots · 31/05/2022 14:51

If your child is under 16, due to the restrictions that have now been put on lots of apps, then it is basically his tablet so do not touch it.

Either get your child to leave the tablet at his house, or alternatively buy your own then when his comes to your house take it off her and switch it off.

GirlInACountrySong · 31/05/2022 14:51

So you want full control yourself?

RedWingBoots · 31/05/2022 14:54

If you factory reset it or otherwise taper with it is theft.

If the tablet accidentally gets dropped on a hard floor screen down from a height then it's just bad luck and can happen when you give devices to kids...

girafferaffle · 31/05/2022 14:55

He won't have any access to your account if you join. I'm family manager and added adult family members. They just get to use my youtube premium and apps I paid for. You have to do it this way create an account for an under 13.

User354354 · 31/05/2022 14:55

Depends on child's age.

When I set up my dcs iPad, I had to link it to an adult account in order to put on parental controls.

He didn't have to add you as an additional parent.

What's the alternative? You have full control, tablet stays at his and you buy DC one for your house ?

adlitem · 31/05/2022 14:56

well, he bought and set up the tablet. And is her parent.

If you'd rather not have him as the family manager I guess you are able to buy her a new tablet and set up your own family account for her.

BiscoffSundae · 31/05/2022 15:08

Yabu, he bought it, was you expecting him to set it up in just your name then 🤨 if you want your own one then buy your own one for her and keep the other at his house

JenniferPlantain · 31/05/2022 15:09

YABU. He bought the tablet and is her parent.

GirlInACountrySong · 31/05/2022 15:11

RedWingBoots · 31/05/2022 14:54

If you factory reset it or otherwise taper with it is theft.

If the tablet accidentally gets dropped on a hard floor screen down from a height then it's just bad luck and can happen when you give devices to kids...

Vile

GirlInACountrySong · 31/05/2022 15:12

Advocating breaking someone else's property is disgusting.

Meraas · 31/05/2022 15:13

He sees her for a few hours a week so he can jog on. Let him have his Google account on his tablet that he keeps at his own house.

Meraas · 31/05/2022 15:13

GirlInACountrySong · 31/05/2022 15:11

Vile

Show quote history

I thought it was obvious the poster was being tongue in cheek?

grapewines · 31/05/2022 15:25

YABU. He bought it. Buy one to have at your house.

MintJulia · 31/05/2022 15:37

My ex did the same, then he refused to monitor ds's usage (apparently porn is a teen boy's right !) and wouldn't let me check. THere was a lot of weirdly stuff creeping back in.

In the end I set up a new google account, took the device into my local pc shop, had them return it to factory defaults and start again, and set it up so I could monitor it. No credit card details so ds has to ask if he wants to buy something.

If ex doesn't like it he can sue me, and I'll explain to the court his views in porn.

balalake · 31/05/2022 15:51

The tablet should not have been bought without discussion with the OP as the resident parent. That to me was the first mistake, the account to manage from afar the second.