MIL possessive over my son

[peachy3]

I don’t really know how to go around this with her or if this is normal grandparent behaviour. I suppose I want to know if I’m BU to be fed up with her.

MIL and I have an okay relationship, we’ve had big issues in the past but we are civil and said issues have been left in the past. My DP and I have a two month old baby, first child for us and second grandchild for MIL. DP’s nephew was born at the start of the pandemic so MIL didn’t get any time with him as a little baby which I suppose is rather upsetting as he’s her first grandchild. Now that we’ve had our baby after all restrictions have been lifted we cannot seem to catch a break from her and her possessiveness over him is too much. Every time we see her she makes an instant grab for him, takes his bottles out of his changing bag so she can make it up and then won’t give it to me or DP because she wants to feed him. We’ve been out for a couple walks with her where I’ve let her push the pram and she’s power walked way way ahead of us with the baby (I can’t walk fast or far due to a lifelong condition). Just the other day we were out for a family meal and she got visibly angry at DP’s auntie for holding him and letting him fall asleep on her because she wanted him. She fully had a go at her in front of everyone and had a face like thunder until said auntie passed him over, it was honestly very childish. She will not stop going on and on about having him overnight which both DP and I have agreed wouldn’t be a good idea (she’s not very safety conscious and is incredibly forgetful, for example leaves stove/oven on on a weekly basis, will leave front door keys on the outside of the door overnight…)

Saturday we received a £150 gift card to a nice restaurant in the post from her with a note detailing all the items she bought for DS to stay with her when we go out for food. It’s like she’s trying to bribe us into handing him over and it’s made me really uncomfortable. My DP called her and told her she shouldn’t have done that and as much as we appreciate the gesture we’re not comfortable leaving the baby to go out as he’s barely two months old. She had a strop and hung up on him and hasn’t spoken to him since.

I don’t know what to do without it causing a row that I don’t want to start. She’s just too much and she’s causing herself emotional distress by expecting him to be in her arms 24/7. I can’t let this go on though as it’s causing me serious anxiety every time we go to see her. AIBU?

I think you need to “snap” at her OP.
Tell her she is being possessive over him.
Tell her it’s making you really uncomfortable.
Tell her WHY you will NOT (potentially ever) be letting her have the baby overnight. Because - SAFETY.
And tell her if she wants to spend time with her grandchild (your child) it is on YOUR TERMS and in YOUR PRESENCE.
This is not normal behaviour.
You would never forgive yourself if she unintentionally harmed your baby if she had him alone.
she is being pushy and overbearing.
She NEEDS to know this is never going to happen and get over it.

If I were you I’d never let her alone with the baby and child as he grows up. She’s desperate to be his Mum and will probably try and come between you both, will probably talk badly about you to your son.

You are not being unreasonable.

Her behaviour isn't normal and you don't have to put up with it. This is your baby, you get to call the shots with everything.

Its lovely how she obviously loves him to pieces and willing to help with feeding/babysitting, but her attitude and her way she shows her love towards him is unhealthy and obsessive.

Get your DP to sit her down and tell her that while you understand how important the baby is to her, she cannot dictate what you do with him, who holds him and demand that he sleeps at her house. No offense, but tell your DP to grow a pair and make sure she understands this. If hes unable to do this tell him, you'll be telling her, and you won't sound as gentle and diplomatic as he will, being her son.

Dig your heels in - he's your son.

Been there! My MIL was like this. She used to call my baby “her baby” and used to say come to mama when she picked her up. Hated me pushing the pram or holding her. She was an Absolute nightmare. Less contact and very firm boundaries. This is your turn at motherhood, she has had hers. It’s such a shame these MIL’s behave this way as ultimately they don’t get to see their grandchildren due to their awful behaviour. So counter productive.

I know. MNHQ should really close these threads. 'Baby' is probably toddling by now!

This. Say no clearly on repeat until she starts behaving normally.

The speed walking ahead of you thing is really unnerving. Don't trust her, she sounds unbalanced.

I’m thinking the same.