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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Erection touble / Other issues

92 replies

stardrop8 · 30/05/2022 13:38

I have dated a man in his late 30's for several months.

There have been a few red flags - involving the most emotive of issues - namely sex and money .

We have been unable to have sex because he cannot maintain an erection.
He blames alcohol and tiredness each time. He blamed me last time we seen each other for wanting to go for dinner first; and he felt if we were to have had sex when he arrived at my house before we went for dinner it would have resulted in us having sex finally. However, I ruined his grand plan.

He seems fixated with if we were to live together I would pay more towards the house deposit and mortgage as I earn significantly higher (6-7 times) than him. My issue is that I feel he has been alluding to be a 'kept man' and I think sees me as a bit of a cash cow for his future. All dates including the first have been split 50/50, but I do pick up more of the tabs. He will not rush to pay if we went for drinks / coffee / other.
There are a few other examples of this type of behaviour and a pattern has emerged.

I do not mind being an equal partner - but I think it is just a bit odd the assumptions he is making so early on. Also, with his delivery being more a monologue rather than discussion. He seemed to think if we stayed together we would 'merge finances into one big pot'.

Anyway I think I am going to throw this one back. Does anyone feel AIBU to do this? I feel like I want to Run as fast as I can.

OP posts:
Badgirlriri · 30/05/2022 13:40

Run very fast.

RodiganReed · 30/05/2022 13:42

Why are you even doubting yourself? What would you want for your sister or best friend? C'mon you know the answer.

Wimbunds · 30/05/2022 13:43

Why would you think it unreasonable to run away from a monologuing cock-lodger, who can't have sex and blames you for it?

Vikinga · 30/05/2022 13:44

Ew. Yes throw that one back

Aprilx · 30/05/2022 13:44

He doesn’t sound like a keeper.

Onemoresleeptogonow · 30/05/2022 13:45

Urgh he sounds vile.

Get rid op.

TheVanguardSix · 30/05/2022 13:45

Get your skates on. He sounds like a complete twat!

Original poster
stardrop8 · 30/05/2022 13:47

Wimbunds · 30/05/2022 13:43

Why would you think it unreasonable to run away from a monologuing cock-lodger, who can't have sex and blames you for it?

He blames the alcohol and tiredness more.

He said the weirdest thing when he could not get an erection the first time...

'My dick is so big when it is hard - that is why I cannot get an erection, I like you so much and I do not want it to hurt you'

His penis appears to be normal size both flaccid and in the few moments he can maintain an erection.

OP posts:
Original poster
stardrop8 · 30/05/2022 13:49

Sorry to be drip feedy...

He also does not have a pension, any savings? It is not like he used money to buy a car or flat.
His parents bought the flat for him?

OP posts:
nova99 · 30/05/2022 13:50

This will only end badly... sorry.

He's already blaming you for not having sex and eyeing up your bank balance, just no.

Onemoresleeptogonow · 30/05/2022 13:51

How did you not laugh at that announcement op??

wellhelloitsme · 30/05/2022 13:51

If he can't have sex and blames it on alcohol has he tried... not having alcohol?

That issue aside he sounds like a very bad idea OP, throw him back.

Motnight · 30/05/2022 13:51

stardrop8 · 30/05/2022 13:47

He blames the alcohol and tiredness more.

He said the weirdest thing when he could not get an erection the first time...

'My dick is so big when it is hard - that is why I cannot get an erection, I like you so much and I do not want it to hurt you'

His penis appears to be normal size both flaccid and in the few moments he can maintain an erection.

Show quote history

Is he called Pinocchio? There seems to be no end to his excuses!

WhatIsThisPlease · 30/05/2022 13:51

Why are you still with him?

MatildaTheCat · 30/05/2022 13:52

Why are you using time posting here that you could be using to send him a text saying it’s over?

you don’t have to say why. It isn’t working for you, all the best is enough.

Original poster
stardrop8 · 30/05/2022 13:52

Onemoresleeptogonow · 30/05/2022 13:51

How did you not laugh at that announcement op??

It was hard not to I can assure you.

OP posts:
Menora · 30/05/2022 13:54

Oh no run away. I had one of these for a while. It was really depressing!

Aquamarine1029 · 30/05/2022 13:56

It's very, very hard to understand why you have wasted this much time with him. He's a walking red flag. You should have dumped him ages ago.

toastfiend · 30/05/2022 13:56

He sounds skin crawlingly awful, definitely throw him back into the pond he came from.

That being said, you don't need validation from strangers on the Internet, or indeed anyone at all, to end things with someone. If you feel that you don't want to be with them then that is enough and you shouldn't continue to be with them. Don't agonise over it, it's not like you share a life and children and there's assets to be divided up or other people's emotions to manage, it's as simple as "I don't want to see you any more." and you are within your rights to say that whenever you like.

Jacopo · 30/05/2022 13:57

Oh OP, run run as fast as you can, please run away from this totally useless man.

Justcallmebebes · 30/05/2022 13:59

God, run. Anyway, you wouldn't be equal partners because he's already said he'd expect you to contribute more to household

He seems to have absolutely nothing whatsoever going for him

Original poster
stardrop8 · 30/05/2022 14:14

WhatIsThisPlease · 30/05/2022 13:51

Why are you still with him?

I am not - basically had a conversation with him yesterday which was line in the sand.

I live in city X
He lives in city Y
My parents also live in Y

X and Y are a thirty / forty minute drive.

I had been very unwell over the weekend - OOH on Saturday. I am run down with work I have a stye and cold sore. He knows all of this.

However, he STILL expected me to travel to Y to see him. I said about doing a facetime later yesterday evening and he said 'Maybe if I am free, but I do not know yet.'. Not heard from him.

OP posts:
Original poster
stardrop8 · 30/05/2022 14:16

Justcallmebebes · 30/05/2022 13:59

God, run. Anyway, you wouldn't be equal partners because he's already said he'd expect you to contribute more to household

He seems to have absolutely nothing whatsoever going for him

He seemed to think it was equal and fair
Delusional.

It would be fair for him to soak up my wage 😂 not fair on me to soak up his hopelessness

OP posts:
Original poster
stardrop8 · 30/05/2022 14:18

Does anyone know anything about this erection issue? Is it a permament thing? Is in normal?

I have only had it happen once when I 18 - poor guy was mortified. I have never had it several times with the same partner and resulting in no sex whatsoever? Is it because he did not find me attractive?

OP posts:
Wakemeup17 · 30/05/2022 14:21

Onemoresleeptogonow · 30/05/2022 13:51

How did you not laugh at that announcement op??

Hahaha that was my question too!
OP, even I would run and I am a doormat :D