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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Erection touble / Other issues

92 replies

stardrop8 · 30/05/2022 13:38

I have dated a man in his late 30's for several months.

There have been a few red flags - involving the most emotive of issues - namely sex and money .

We have been unable to have sex because he cannot maintain an erection.
He blames alcohol and tiredness each time. He blamed me last time we seen each other for wanting to go for dinner first; and he felt if we were to have had sex when he arrived at my house before we went for dinner it would have resulted in us having sex finally. However, I ruined his grand plan.

He seems fixated with if we were to live together I would pay more towards the house deposit and mortgage as I earn significantly higher (6-7 times) than him. My issue is that I feel he has been alluding to be a 'kept man' and I think sees me as a bit of a cash cow for his future. All dates including the first have been split 50/50, but I do pick up more of the tabs. He will not rush to pay if we went for drinks / coffee / other.
There are a few other examples of this type of behaviour and a pattern has emerged.

I do not mind being an equal partner - but I think it is just a bit odd the assumptions he is making so early on. Also, with his delivery being more a monologue rather than discussion. He seemed to think if we stayed together we would 'merge finances into one big pot'.

Anyway I think I am going to throw this one back. Does anyone feel AIBU to do this? I feel like I want to Run as fast as I can.

OP posts:
caringcarer · 30/05/2022 16:04

He does not bring much to a relationship OP. No sex, no empathy, wants to grab all your money. Dump dump, dump. Block block block.

Original poster
stardrop8 · 30/05/2022 16:05

NoHeavenNoMore · 30/05/2022 16:04

Well done you for making the right decision. So many of us just ignore the red flags!! Speaking from experience. I got lumped with a cocklodger for years who completely ruined me
financially and mentally. Lucky escape!!

I have seen it play out to a couple of my friends in my profession so I know the warning signs.

OP posts:
JerkintheMerkin · 30/05/2022 16:06

'My dick is so big when it is hard - that is why I cannot get an erection, I like you so much and I do not want it to hurt you'

I nearly spat out a mouthful of wine reading this. Did those words really come out of his mouth in that order?? The mind boggles. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

JerkintheMerkin · 30/05/2022 16:07

Yeah send this one back and give him a kick to help him on his way 😂. Some people.

Original poster
stardrop8 · 30/05/2022 16:08

JerkintheMerkin · 30/05/2022 16:06

'My dick is so big when it is hard - that is why I cannot get an erection, I like you so much and I do not want it to hurt you'

I nearly spat out a mouthful of wine reading this. Did those words really come out of his mouth in that order?? The mind boggles. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Yes. Yea he did. He said I have to be very very aroused in order to take the size of his penis as it is so large.

It is a normal sized penis

OP posts:
RealBecca · 30/05/2022 16:27

I think I'd have to dump him by text because "I just dont think can handle your huge penis"

I'd probably toy with other lines like "I just dont think can handle your huge penis, I hope you find someone with more accommodating vagina"

LaBellina · 30/05/2022 16:29

RealBecca · 30/05/2022 16:27

I think I'd have to dump him by text because "I just dont think can handle your huge penis"

I'd probably toy with other lines like "I just dont think can handle your huge penis, I hope you find someone with more accommodating vagina"

I love it 😂

Original poster
stardrop8 · 30/05/2022 16:38

RealBecca · 30/05/2022 16:27

I think I'd have to dump him by text because "I just dont think can handle your huge penis"

I'd probably toy with other lines like "I just dont think can handle your huge penis, I hope you find someone with more accommodating vagina"

😂😂😂😂😂😂

OP posts:
Original poster
stardrop8 · 30/05/2022 16:39

To be fair ive actually done the sums myself and i only met him first time mid april (easter) so its not as long as i thought. Felt like a long while longer - says it all really 😂😂😂😂

OP posts:
Justkidding55 · 30/05/2022 17:09

Drink drugs and stress or psychological issues cause erection issues but tbh the erection issues could be anything- it’s the rest of it and the way he treats you that I would be running for the hills. I dated a guy with ED and he always made me feel like a queen- really making up for it orally and in other ways, always telling me it’s not me it’s him, he would use humour to offset the awkwardness. I in turn would be very understanding and make him feel good for what he was doing. The first time
it happened did you make it an issue? Not blaming you obviously but it can make it worse if you point it out or get upset ect.
I would talk openly with him about it and tell him it doesn’t bother you but that it’s more helpful if he acknowledged there’s an issue rather than blaming you. You can work on it together but the money thing suggests that might not be the best thing to do.

Original poster
stardrop8 · 30/05/2022 17:13

Justkidding55 · 30/05/2022 17:09

Drink drugs and stress or psychological issues cause erection issues but tbh the erection issues could be anything- it’s the rest of it and the way he treats you that I would be running for the hills. I dated a guy with ED and he always made me feel like a queen- really making up for it orally and in other ways, always telling me it’s not me it’s him, he would use humour to offset the awkwardness. I in turn would be very understanding and make him feel good for what he was doing. The first time
it happened did you make it an issue? Not blaming you obviously but it can make it worse if you point it out or get upset ect.
I would talk openly with him about it and tell him it doesn’t bother you but that it’s more helpful if he acknowledged there’s an issue rather than blaming you. You can work on it together but the money thing suggests that might not be the best thing to do.

Ive already dumped him

OP posts:
Yutes · 30/05/2022 17:30

Actually a death grip is more when a guy is only used to the feel of his own hand and isn’t used to achieving an erection or ejaculation without holding on.

Original poster
stardrop8 · 30/05/2022 17:42

Yutes · 30/05/2022 17:30

Actually a death grip is more when a guy is only used to the feel of his own hand and isn’t used to achieving an erection or ejaculation without holding on.

Good god

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 30/05/2022 17:50

Death grip is usually associated with heavy porn use but it's the technique which causes the damage, very hard and fast. It completely desensitises them. My ex couldn't feel a thing during PIV or oral so couldn't maintain an erection. It really is awful.

Steelesauce · 30/05/2022 18:00

Id of ghosted him after the big willy comment 🤣 how did you end it OP? Or did you just block? You could have had fun with it at least!

hangrylady · 30/05/2022 18:34

Good lord no. Your better off single.

Original poster
stardrop8 · 30/05/2022 20:57

Steelesauce · 30/05/2022 18:00

Id of ghosted him after the big willy comment 🤣 how did you end it OP? Or did you just block? You could have had fun with it at least!

Just left it doll

OP posts:
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