DH family. So so upset

[sorryimwashingmyhairthatnight]

Sorry if I waffle on a little here I just feel so upset today with this situation and even stupidly have cried which I know is ridiculous.

For context I'm quite a quiet non confrontational person and DH always tells me I should stand my ground more. Over the last 14 years I have been with DH his siblings (DH is the eldest) have lived with us, we have lent them money, we have had many good times but also lots of bad times and bad behaviour from them. I have always remained neutral and out of everyone have tried to be the peace maker.

Over the last 2 years DHs siblings have done some things that to me personally I couldn't just forget about. One took a large amount of money for work he promised to do on our home(I'm talking thousands - kind of our fault we shouldn't of have him the money up front but were somehow talked into it) the other caused a huge scene at a party that was very important to us and was a really really awful night. From this point I said without apologies I couldn't forgive them and so probably childishly I did remove them from social media as i was so annoyed plus we were all pretty much NC.

A couple of years have gone by and recently DH has bumped into them and said hi occasionally but nothing more I have not seen them at all.

recently MIL is saying to DH how she misses all of them being together and she is sad about the situation but the other 2 siblings are annoyed with me and recently said they wouldn't invite us to a party they were holding due to me removing them (2 years ago and with good reason) off social media. Absolutely ridiculous I know, I don't even go on Facebook often so they aren't really missing out on things but at the time for me it was a case of out of site out of mind due to just how bad these situations were. If at any point they asked me why they were removed I could more than justify it after their behaviour.

I'm so annoyed now that MIL and BILs are now turning this on me and saying they aren't happy having me around them.

I feel like screaming, I never got an apology for the substantial amount of money we lost and a party we spent a lot of money on being ruined, but now I'm expected to apologise and accept responsibility for the face we aren't all 1 big happy family.

I'm genuinely starting to doubt myself now after yet another chat with MIL who is upset and wants me to make the effort to make things right.

I've always let people walk all over me and I won't let that happen again! Please tell me I'm right to stand my ground instead of apologising for something that was caused by them.

Sorry for going on a bit but it's really getting to me now. DH agrees with me and says im owed an apology but doesn't say this in front of MIL so she just thinks im being an awkward cow.

Suppose you tell the lot of them to fuck off, and stay fucked off. What, exactly would you be losing? (Apart from a bunch of scam artists and low life)

You need to ask you husband who he would rather get offside. The woman he loves and is married to and the mother of his children who he sleeps with, or his mother. I would DEMAND that this time, he backs you up in person to his mother. Or else he won't have a happy married life. He married you and became your family. You need to DEMAND he backs you in person to his mother and nothing less. And say that you both will 'apologise' once THEY have apologised first, so the ball is in BILS court.

This is what I'm thinking! Not to mention how satisfying it would be.

This.
@sorryimwashingmyhairthatnight
I’d be taking legal action via small claims re money.
Awful to have basically stolen your money like that .

Also say you'll 'apologise' once they've paid back the 9k they stole from you and apologise for ruining your wedding anniversary with drugs and fights.

You sound like one of those people that hates scenes and the very idea of being on bad terms with anyone (even if they are cunts). Well, their behaviour is/has been off the charts dreadful-you know this full well so fuck them.

I have to say I agree with this but it goes further than an apology - you need to get your £9k back. All of it.

@dropthevipers yes that's me! Always been this way.I hate it but I'm a people pleaser and I hate thinking people don't like me. quite honestly though I don't care anymore as far as they are concerned. My mental health has took such a beating with everything that's happens so much upset caused I'm not allowing it to happen again.

Just in case this might be of use to you:

www.gov.uk/make-court-claim-for-money/court-fees

9k! jesus christ op

your dh who tells you to stand up for yourself is spinless

he cant say to his own mother -dp has stolen from us and noone will be ap-ologising-instead he lets you take all the shit about it

hes the problem not them

Good for you-think they have pushed you over the edge. A word of warning though-be prepared for bemused outrage on their part, possibly followed by weasly mealy mouthed crawling. Stand firm-no more of this fucking nonsense!

I know it sounds awful but you should care about getting the money back because if you don't, your children(s) uncle effectively took X, Y and Z (replace with actual things that they want/things they want to do/trips they want to make/that kind of thing) from them. That's shocking!

You’re right to stand your ground and your husband should be right there with you.
One of his siblings stole from you, not a tenner from the biscuit tin. Thousands. I’d have already taken steps to recover that via the courts.
As pp have said, a letter to your MIL pointing out that blocking her children on SM is very small repercussions for the money stolen from you by X and party ruined by Y. You will be prepared to reinstate them when you are repaid in full.

The more they get away with, the more they’ll try again.

Your BIL owes you nearly £8k

£900 hire plus a days work are all you've had off him. I would be asking MIL if she wants to give you the money BIL owes you.

I would be applying to Judge Rinder tbh!

I wouldn't engage at all, although I am petty enough to factually state exactly why this position arose before going NC again i.e. "MIL, let me tell you exactly why we are where we are: BIL1 stole £x000 from me and DH. BIL2 behaved so unforgivably appalling during an expensive, important event DH and I organised that the entire party was ruined for us and all other guests. At no point has our money been returned or have we received an apology. If you are upset, I suggest you speak to your other children regarding their disgraceful behaviour." (And I wouldn't preface anything with the words, 'I'm sorry'.)

Oh, and it sounds like a lucky escape not to be invited to any sort of party run by these people. Chuck the entire mess in the 'fuck it' bucket and move on. Seriously, don't give them or their craziness the time of day.

Why has your Dh not demanded the money back? With back up from the digger company? Does your mil not know about the money? If not, I’d tell her pdq. And she’s bothered about you taking them off Facebook? Bloody hell!

Covered some with your personal savings??? No way. I think you could also say “it’s bad enough to take money from your own brother, but I have had to cover this from my funds” to MIL. She needs to see the bigger picture. And then if DH wants to forgive, fine, but without an apology and some attempt to make food, I wouldn’t blame you not wanting their holidays, new car etc rubbed in your face on social media, the hypocrites. So annoyed on your behalf!

Well, if MIL would like you all to get along, perhaps she would like to reimburse you on behalf of their son. Alternatively I would ask for receipts/access to your BILs bank account around the time of the work so that you can see proof of where the money went. If the family aren't prepared to sit down with you and go through the accounts, then I would be tempted to threaten small claims court or to get a surveyor in to value the work that was done.

I would not bother with the BILs etc, go no contact. Your DH can have stuuff to do with them if he wants.

Go low contact with MIL, or more if she really won't STFU about it. Or if you want contact with her, maybe whenever she brings it up say you had to cut contact with BiLs etc for your mental health.

Whether you choose to spell that out to to MiL or not, you are completely justified in doing it after all they've done. xx

What your DH does is up to him, but you have to do what you need to do for your wellbeing. Any involved with them yo have to have will also probably lead to strain on your marriage because at the end of the day, if it weren't for your DH, you personally would never have to have anything to do with them.

It's a lot of money OP. And I hate druggies. BiLs sound rough.

9k?

If he pulled a stunt like that I’m surprised he didn’t end up actually in the garden.

Your relationship is already gubbed. Time to go legal on his bleating arse.

A word of warning though-be prepared for bemused outrage on their part, possibly followed by weasly mealy mouthed crawling.

I imagine it'll go on as it has- character assassination/claims OPis being unreasonable. Stay strong @sorryimwashingmyhairthatnight xx

I would literally just say that their behaviour has been such that you do not wish to have any relationship with them so would not be attending anyway.

Tbh your DH should be saying to MIL that them causing a scene at a party and stealing money is a much bigger issue than you removing them from social media. And until they apologise then neither of you will be attending any family parties anyway.
That would put the focus firmly back on their behaviour.
Once your DH has drawn that line, whenever MIL raises it, you can just say 'I enjoy our chats and don't want to go over old ground when I know DH has made our feelings clear' then move the conversation on to something else.

"I never got an apology for the substantial amount of money we lost and a party we spent a lot of money on being ruined"
It's your DH is the problem. He lets his family walk all over him and you.
But for obvious reasons it's easier to get angry at them rather than at him for being afraid of them and he won't say boo to a goose obviously.
Similarly, your MIL and the SILs are directing their anger at another woman and not at your DH. This is very typical unfortunately. Men are treated like golden balls while the women in families often direct their anger and hatred at another woman rather than call the man on his behaviour.