To think holidays with kids are SHIT

[Holibollocks]

Caveat: I know we are really really lucky to be able to afford to go on holiday.

But. WTAF??! Why is this so shit?!! Kids are 4 and 8 and this is the first 'big' holiday we've been on. Previously it's always been camping or self catering-didn't go away at all during covid and I'm a nurse so we felt like it was worth splashing out a bit for a half term break and we've gone for an all inclusive thing.

Anyway, we're 2 days in and to be honest it would be easier being at work. Every single tiny little thing they have whinged and moaned and complained and then when I thought they couldn't complain anymore they've somehow managed it. Constant fucking requests that go beyond anything I've experienced with them at home...followed by more whinging. So far it's shit. Expensive shit.

What am I doing wrong?? What is the secret to making this a great holiday?

First Choice Holiday Village, lovely family holidays

When you really think about it. Why the fuck do we go on holiday to be stressed with kids? What a waste of money! Before anyone jumps on board I know this is not always the case but is in a lot of cases!

If I am going to feel stressed, I would rather feel stressed in the comfort of my own home. Being on holiday means sleeping on a bed that isn't my own.

My two eldest will be fine on holiday, but youngest is still not fully toilet trained so it's not exactly relaxing when dealing with shitty pants is it.

I've done a number of family activity holidays with my daughter when she was 12-16. That way the activities were all organised and she couldn't really object to them. And there were other young people for her and other adults for us.

I would be quite irked if I went to an adults only hotel which was full of babies and toddlers 🙄. Bizarre.

Yep. We stuck to camping with groups of friends - kids were always happy and we just got pissed/chatted to our friends. For trips abroad we mainly went with my parents or MIL to split the load and everyone enjoyed that. Once they became teens we started doing stuff as just a family and it has been enjoyable (we only do it when everyone can have their own room).

@whiteroseredrose I think this is a really good approach

I don’t feel the same at all..but here’s some suggestions:

-involve the kids in planning the whole day so that they aren’t constantly asking what’s next

-kids club

-find activities similar to home, if they like football then buy a ball, if they like films then get some.

Kids clubs - from the time they open until the time they close!!!

My kids are primary aged and I have to stop myself from raising my eyebrows in disbelief when I read about other people's kids going to museums and mooch around towns with them when the reality is whining kids complaining that they are hungry, tired and bored.

I loved travelling pre kids and did quite a bit of it. When I had babies, we didn't leave the country. Once the youngest was out of a buggy we started going abroad again but to very quiet towns with a beach within walking distance. It was the same as home but with better weather and the sea.

The best holiday we have had was to a campsite where the kids were able to go off on their own. I liked seeing them happy when I didn't have to be the one trying to make them happy and would happily return every year. DH was bored out of his mind though and won't entertain the idea of going there again.

Don't spend money. Don't expect it to be any different from home apart from weather and different food. Don't expect to do anything or go anywhere remotely interesting. Lower expectations to floor level.

We never did resorts.dorever thankful to my so for that.we did eueocamp and canvas,mobile homes etc.always self catered.
But we moaned like right shots.all around the chateaux in France.whwb they took us to museums.getting early to climb and go up Swiss mountains.seeing lakes and waterfalls.god we were hilarious little shits. But now I can never thank them enough.and the good times,cycling round the campsite,sitting at night round the table getting bit.french baguettes for every meal.monopoly and cards.appletiser up a cable car in Germany.the memory of those mountains and garden in the castles.i remember with gratitude and as some if the best times of my life.and so glad they dragged us round and stuck with it.

We did Canvas and Eurocamp. Happy days .

You sound sensible. No one in their right mind would want to holiday near young families with all the temper tantrums and noise that they make. Wee feckers😂

If I was single, there's not a chance I would visit holiday resorts which were full of families.🤪

We have two under five. Kids club looks amazing but set around a busy pool/ water slide area. Lifeguard on duty but not sure they had full visibility from where they sat. Neither kid swims yet.

Not entirely sure how the leaving your kid thing works and if they did take them if I could relax leaving them with strangers, knowing about the pool. Presume looking at the age of the kids in the led activities that probably only one would have been old enough anyway.

Wasn't sure if leaving them would cost extra or not! Assume probably would for the littlest at least. We used the facilities in the end, but stayed with them.

For anyone reading this with kids this age. I recommend looking at adults only hotels that accept babies and toddlers.

This sounds horrific. Imagine booking an adults-only hotel and getting there to find babies and toddlers.

I would have said the same before seeing it. Honestly the toddlers were so distracted they were either playing or asleep. I didn't hear a single tantrum in the entire week we were there.

I haven’t RTFT but I totally sympathise OP. Pre kids we had fabulous holidays. Post kids we tried to maintain the magic but it was just pure hard work no matter how much we spent or where we went. We both work full time and probably over relied on holidays to rejuvenate ourselves and instead came back to work husks of our former selves. Many a holiday I just wished I could go home by day 2. It’s such a sad feeling. However ….once we discovered Neilson we never looked back. Will probably only suit you if you are into active stuff as well. The kids clubs are absolutely amazing and the staff (kids clubs and watersports, tennis, cycling etc) are overwhelmingly British so there are no language barriers. Now we ALL have a holiday and the kids make friends with their own age groups (and consequently don’t fight with each other when we are all together) and honestly I wish we had discovered it years earlier. I plan to still come even without kids (but outside of school holidays!).

Agree with short visits and always quit while you’re ahead, rather than thinking ‘we’ll just do another half hour or visit one more thing’.
Be back at your accommodation by 3-4pm for time playing in grounds/garden.
Do just one thing or outing per day.
Remember a play in a playground or short trip to beach pleases little kids as much as most things you can spend a fortune on.
Treat yourself with lovely food wherever you’re staying and make sure the getting up with kids in the morning etc is shared so both adults get breaks and lie-ins. Try to get the kids to bed so there is some adult time for you with nice drinks or a film or whatever so you feel you had an evening. Order food in, have delicious breakfast items or eat out at lunch and have yummy picnic food in the evening.
This stuff doesn’t have to happen a 6 hour flight away. It can happen 2 hours away or in the uK. Going in your car means you can take as much as you want and do t have to worry about baggage limits.

If you need a child free break try to arrange a night away or a weekend away without the kids. Do the adult stuff then. Don’t try to do it when little kids are with you.

And a PP said that children often behave differently when not at home and after long journeys. Yes - taking them totally out if what they are familiar with and especially when it involves a very long journey and different temperature is always going to throw small kids. It’s hardly surprising many behave pretty horribly. So what would people take them long haul for short periods and to boiling hot climates or expect them to be able to manage late nights? Unless you’re visiting family, there are so many options which are likely to feel at least partly familiar to little kids and work better for them. That doesn’t have to mean dull or boring. It’s the same thing when people wonder why their little kids aren’t behaving well in a UK restaurant at 9.30pm, having been there for nearly 3 hours. It’s not exactly rocket science is it…sometimes people just don’t think about what is actually likely to work and do a bit of planning, but instead just think about what they’d have liked pre-kids.

I always call Day 2 ‘D’ Day. Divorce day. Everyone is tired after the day of travelling where adrenaline has kicked in and now gone. It’ll get better, promise!

I remember holidays with my kids fondly, but when I actually think hard about each holiday, I start to recall plenty of hideous moments: crying as I tried to breast feed a screaming baby in a caravan at 3 o'clock in the morning, thinking I'd just moved my exhausting real life to somewhere more squashed and uncomfortable, or the day DH and I traipsed round Paris in the pouring rain with two small children, hating sodding Paris and each other. So the good news is that in 20 years you will look at the holiday snaps of your little ones playing in the pool and feel quite nostalgic for all those 'lovely' times.

I suppose it depends on what your expectations are. I'm not my son's sole carer as mum has full parental rights but we've been on a holiday an hour away with him when he was a newborn. Wasn't really much different to any other holiday we've had. Obviously we couldn't go out and get drunk or do much but it was a different scenery from the usual. Although that was almost 7 years ago and haven't had another holiday since

See this from their point of view and pick your battles. They are in a strange place, they are most likely shattered, they were really excited about this new holiday experience that they hadn't had before, it's hotter than at home, and again, they are shattered. Give them a break, put a positive spin on their whining, and get them into some sort of routine so they know what to expect each day, even if it is just for a few days. Signpost each day with what you'll be doing and give them choices so they feel like they are in control i.e. "would you like to go to the beach or stay by the pool today". Tag team with your other half (assuming you are not on your own) so you can both get some downtime.

Absolutely, holidays with small kids can be great as long as you realise that the holiday is for the kids and is actually way more work for (ideally both) parents. If you go expecting I don't know, a holiday, the kids will act out like crazy and you'll have the most bitter disappointment.

I remember finding holidays as a kid so stressful and I was probably a whiny ungrateful shit.

I hated change and disruption to the routine. I didn't like not knowing what we were doing. I found down time difficult and wanted to be doing stuff all the time.

My fondest memories are of going to Whitby which we did a lot as we had a second home. Just playing on the beach and being at the house which was a familiar environment.

I couldn't handle the abroad holidays (we used to get the train to Italy which took about 400 years) treckikng round frescos and not being able to get normal milk 😁