To think holidays with kids are SHIT

[Holibollocks]

Caveat: I know we are really really lucky to be able to afford to go on holiday.

But. WTAF??! Why is this so shit?!! Kids are 4 and 8 and this is the first 'big' holiday we've been on. Previously it's always been camping or self catering-didn't go away at all during covid and I'm a nurse so we felt like it was worth splashing out a bit for a half term break and we've gone for an all inclusive thing.

Anyway, we're 2 days in and to be honest it would be easier being at work. Every single tiny little thing they have whinged and moaned and complained and then when I thought they couldn't complain anymore they've somehow managed it. Constant fucking requests that go beyond anything I've experienced with them at home...followed by more whinging. So far it's shit. Expensive shit.

What am I doing wrong?? What is the secret to making this a great holiday?

It gets easier as they get older but when they need an adult most of the time to do stuff and supervise it’s not relaxing. It’s the same stuff you are dealing with just in a different location. It’s easier going for days out until they are old enough to do a few things without constant supervision.

My advice, zero tolerance for winging, tell them if they complain one of you will take them back to the room for an hour with no tv or games.and repeat....it may disrupt one day but then they will get the message and shut up, don't pander op tough love required...Good luck l hope it gets better

@pointythings

I guess that’s fine if your taste in activities haven’t altered since you were a child.

Mine have though. I hate theme parks and that kind of thing. So on hol need a mix of things my kid will like and things that I like. We are both of equal importance and therefore we have to do both kinds of things.

@supersop60

the adults can still have time to do what they want to do though even if it’s a family holiday. So if that sunbathing, fine. Make a rule that parents are going to Sunbathe for a bit and kids can either go to kids club or entertain themselves. You don’t have to be a complete Martyr and give up everything you used to love about holidays just cos you have kids

To me a family holiday doesn’t mean it’s all child centred, you take it in turns to do things that each of you enjoy. It’s great for teaching kids that they aren’t the centre of the universe (cos they’re not)

@LuckySantangelo35 that's fair enough, but as parents you have a lot of say in developing what your kids enjoy. At 4 and 8 mine enjoyed art, culture and ancient monuments as much as they did nature reserves, theme parks and days at the beach. So a mix. What they did not enjoy was relentless drinking by the pool - fortunately, neither did we.

I also think that kids are only young for a very short time and if you don't want to accommodate that, why bother having them?

It gets easier and more expensive! DS is 8 we pick hotels that suit him not us so usually holiday village or somewhere in the Caribbean made for Americans (loads to do). We book him into activities like football camp, take turns to go on the water slides with him or he happily goes to kids club.

This year holiday is one of 5 hotels on a complex we've booked the top one so we have access to the others. The cheapest one has the water park so we will spend our days there and come back on an evening for a nice meal.

Sounds to me like your kids are being obnoxious brats. This behaviour is not OK and it's certainly not something you just put up with because they're kids.

I'd be giving them a stern talking to. Ours are older but we always had zero tolerance for any whinging or entitled nonsense. And the 8-year-old should certainly know better.

I have three young kids. The stand-out successful holiday for me involved a 1-hour (!) door to door travel time, to a semi on a Kentish beach, with a Sainsbury's delivery on the day of our arrival that basically comprised oven pizzas, watermelon, Frosties and ice-cream. Every other day we ventured to Broadstairs for different ice-cream.

I'm not sure what the moral is. Low expectations probably. We do still do all the other stuff - flights abroad, museums rah rah - but more in hope than expectation. I always want to grab the childless couples I see and say, "Sleep late! Go trek the Samaria Gorge! Have lots of protected sex! Swim in the sea! Drink wine!"

@pointythings

you can accommodate a small child’s needs and wants without being completely child centric.

It won’t hurt a child however young they are to not have it all about them on holiday.

when you say oh they’re only young for a small amount of time - it’s not that small amount of time it’s like three years. If i had to go three years without a holiday where I could have at least some time to do things I enjoy I would go mad!

Kids club! Even if it’s just one morning to have a break, ours love time with other kids and adults who are paid to listen to them and entertain them who have more consistent energy (are 15 years younger!) than us! If you choose one with lifeguards and swim vests I don’t think they’ll be in grave danger even if they do go swimming….

We do it so that we do something in for morning that we wish to do like a trip out somewhere with lunch then afternoon by the pool. That way they don't get bored just being by the pool all the time.

A trip to a waterpark if one is nearby helps and a 3 hour boat excursion if the ses is calm.
But we stick with as near same routine as possible as being at home including bedtime so often we are the first people in a restaurant or asking a bar/cafe for a glass of milk at 10am!

Different holidays suit different families/ children. DS1 has ASD so kids clubs are not an option and I rarely get time without him. Nothing wrong with them in principle. DS2 would enjoy but it's not really worth putting one in when keeping DS1 anyway. We find it best to pace a busy day/ lazy day and factor in "zone out time" as DS1 gets overloaded. Holidays are also a bugger for the uncertainty of the unknown. Cafés are a minefield with food not being quite as he expects, or odd sensory input. He likes the reliability of chain places.

Camping works well for us, since 5/7 they've been able to entertain themselves a bit more and possibly play with other children if they're around. This doesn't work on a beach as if DS1 gets perfectionist over his engineering projects... The trouble is this puts us at the whims of the weather.

I've never regretted a holiday, but some have been more relaxing than others which have really felt like same shit, different location.

When kids have their moments on holiday, it feels worse than at home because there is the greater expectation for everyone to enjoy themselves which is unrealistic.

Your miserable so your kids are too. Is there anything to do!? Swimming, go and explore, look for wildlife, go on a trip, I doubt your kids are wanting to sit at a poolside drinking wine 🤨 that’s for when their in bed surely! Next time pick something for kids ….

We need more words for holidays because going away with small children is not a relaxing break.

I love our family holidays but they’ve always been centred around the kids routines, needs and preferences. I’m nodding along with those who say parents are entitled to a holiday too and it shouldn’t be all about the kids. But in practice happy, relaxed kids makes for a lovely atmosphere and then we enjoy being with them.

We always include a bit of individual time and some of our own interests that we can tag team. Mine are getting up to an age where we’re aware that going on holiday with us may not be cool for much longer.

Like some previous posters we largely did what we'd done on holiday pre-children (but adapted for shorter legs/attention spans) - different types of museums, art galleries, mooching round towns, looking at churches, mixed in with things that meant the DCs could let off steam - gardens, nature reserves, castles, battlefields, walks, mucking about in streams, lakes rocky beaches and so on. They've always enjoyed their food so we had decent dinners as well.

Are they used to getting their own way as soon as they whine and moan? They are old enough now to regulate their boredom a little and get on with it. I agree with some posters who advocate tough love and no nonsense, the world won’t revolve around them forever.

i remember when myself and siblings were absolute d*s on holiday once and they sat us down, mother almost crying and explained how our behaviour was ruining their time. That night we also didn’t get to go to kids club and were put to bed early with no tv. It worked because all our parents had to do after that was remind us of that evening and we would simply get on with it and stop nagging.

A couple of hours in a kids club still leaves you with hours and hours of precious family time. 🙄

This sounds like they’re quite spoilt, I understand the 4 year old fighting over turn taking but your 8 year old is the same?

Meant to quote this sorry, your 8 year old whining about his choice for breakfast, that’s ridiculous. They just get their own way al of the time so wonder you’re having trouble.

I don't understand people who say it's shit with their lovely NT children.

I take my severely autistic DS away (complete flight risk that loves water and needs constant supervision 24/7 every day), and my 8 month old DD away to Turkey on my own.

It's hard work but it's fun too! Even with how it is. Seeing DS so happy makes it worth it. Plus I relax in the evening when they're sleeping. And I bet I'm doing a lot more work than most of you

We are going to a UK destination for our summer holiday but I am dreading it, tbh.... the children will love it, that's the only reason we are doing it. Been at least five or six years since we have been away as a family on a holiday.

You have my sympathies OP. I really hope you get some enjoyment out of it 🍷🥃🍸

Ugh I feel you on a smaller scale. As now 3yo DD got older I thought we'd have a whale of a time on days out instead she is a whiny mess most of the time. We went on a long planned trip to Legoland with Granny this week & she started moaning as we parked the car 😩 it was awful, nothing is nice, we are giving trips out a break for a good long while, she can moan at home instead!

I thought you were going to say they were younger. Holidays with older babies/toddlers are definitely to be avoided. I'd say from 9 months to about 2 years old wasn't much fun. After that it got better (he was also ok on a holiday to Scotland when he was six months old).

For anyone reading this with kids this age. I recommend looking at adults only hotels that accept babies and toddlers. I went to one in Egypt and there were toddler twins there with their mum and grandmother. The staff absolutely doted on the twins. Mum and grandmother were relaxing on sun loungers while the staff entertained them and even jumped in the pool with them. They were the only children there and had a regular rotation of about 10 pool boys and bar staff taking turns to play. Not to mention the "regulars" who were groups of retired people visiting for yearly trips having met each other in previous years.