To think holidays with kids are SHIT

[Holibollocks]

Caveat: I know we are really really lucky to be able to afford to go on holiday.

But. WTAF??! Why is this so shit?!! Kids are 4 and 8 and this is the first 'big' holiday we've been on. Previously it's always been camping or self catering-didn't go away at all during covid and I'm a nurse so we felt like it was worth splashing out a bit for a half term break and we've gone for an all inclusive thing.

Anyway, we're 2 days in and to be honest it would be easier being at work. Every single tiny little thing they have whinged and moaned and complained and then when I thought they couldn't complain anymore they've somehow managed it. Constant fucking requests that go beyond anything I've experienced with them at home...followed by more whinging. So far it's shit. Expensive shit.

What am I doing wrong?? What is the secret to making this a great holiday?

We’ve always had great holidays with our DCs, and have been abroad with them, UK, short and long haul, from since they were babies. They are now 19 and 21, and we still have great holidays with them.

I adore holidays more than anything, so maybe they got the message that they would ruin my holiday at their peril. We did have to be more organised/structured when they were small, and hiding out in a hotel bedroom waiting for them to fall asleep wasn’t my favourite moment, but the holidays have always been great.

We generally mixed up beach days with trips to the more entertaining museums/towns etc, and it seemed to work ok.

Also, as we have always both worked, being on holiday meant we could spend more time with DCs, so kids’ clubs didn’t appeal.

Glad your holiday is improving OP!

Buy a caravan.

before kids I was so not into caravanning. I'd have been all inclusive all the way. Did a few AI's when they were under school age and they were bloody hard work.

now they're 10 and 8. We went
to the beach this morning. Wetsuits on and a bit of a swim paddle. Back to the caravan site this afternoon and dh had a sleep whilst I sat in my comfy camping chair with a good book and wine for 4 glorious hours whilst the kids olayed in the play park with all the other kids.

they love it, I love the fact they're happy. Ok it's 14 degrees not 34 but with a rug on my feet and a bottle of wine I can live with that.

once they're 18 though I'm back to my long haul!!

The thing is, kids are the same kids they are at home. Families who have unclear boundaries or ignore poor behaviour at home, can’t suddenly expect to go out for a meal or a day out on holiday and expect the kids to know the boundaries or behave well.

I don't think that's true actually. Kids can sometimes struggle with an abrupt change of routine, who are normally as good as gold, and they're not just the same as they are at home. Sometimes behaviour changes as surroundings changes. Kids aren't machines and things about the adult world that seem super simple to us aren't to them. Kids who have a very structured home life may struggle with a sudden lack of structure and still be really good kids. I don't think it's as simple as you make out.

Holidays Ive seen that looked good to me were family based PGL. These were for kids of about 8+. Everyone had their own lodge to stay in, 3 meals a day provided and then lots of organised activities for families to do together and with other families If they wanted to. Lots of single parent families on those too. There was plenty going on, food provided and other kids and family. This works well for those that like company. Obviously a worst nightmare for those who want a holiday where they don’t speak to anyone outside the family.

I’m not keen on Center Parcs etc, but I can see why they are popular and can charge so much. It’s the middle class version of Butlins with everything on site, so the easy version of holiday with entertainment, food etc and all within a few paces, meaning there’s no complicated planning of multiple days out needed.

I can also see why nice caravan parks near the beach do well. Same thing as Center Parcs really, but the beach thrown in too. If lots of stuff is included, you’ve got the UK equivalent of an all-inclusive holiday - the ultimate holiday for those who want certainty if expenditure and don’t like having to plan their time.

Cottages and self catering work well for lots of people - in my mind this is the middle class option. You can get some quirky properties, amazing locations, but you also have to be prepared to plan your days and activities. You could do the beach each day, but most will also be sight seeing, visiting castles or houses, finding a range of places to eat at etc. There’s certainly more effort required and less certainty about the cost of the week or exactly what you’re getting - it’s not all identi-kit. Some love the uniqueness but for others that’s stressful and in their holiday they just want to switch off and not think or plan anything.

I like it all! The moe holidays the better. We often did several cheaper holidays a year and the kids got used to it and what holidaying meant for our family. Still love it now.

I've been moaning at my DS for not taking us on holidays because he says that it would be rubbish having to still parent and not being able to sunbathe... but reading this maybe he's right!

even better than kids club! Leave the kids at home. Have a holiday just the two of you to relax and recharge as a couple. The kids don’t have to bear the hot weather, change of routine etc. Win, win all round!

We recently had our best ever holiday with our children - they are 19, 20, 23 & 24 - sorry OP but you are right, young children + holiday = shit time for everyone - agree with others, low expectations

@Outwiththenorm

why do they need constant snacks? Are you not worried about their weight if they constantly eat snacks?

Next time go to butlins😁

@pointythings

but what about the activities that YOU enjoy? You have to focus on those as well. Parents are people too with wants and needs and they should have fun on holiday too especially as they are paying for it!

The thing is, kids are the same kids they are at home. Families who have unclear boundaries or ignore poor behaviour at home, can’t suddenly expect to go out for a meal or a day out on holiday and expect the kids to know the boundaries or behave well.

Very true. Expecting kids to behave better than normal because you're spending a lot of money on a holiday is just wishful thinking.

It always amazes me when my kids talk about the wonderful holidays we had when they were kids. I remember the whinging, the moans, exhusband being as bad as the kids. I smile and agree.

Yeah it's shit, your just looking after your kids in a different place so it's a lot harder to stop them from running off and and getting hurt mine are 4 and 1 I'm hoping it gets easier 😂

Serviced apartments with cooking facilities; half board (so you can eat lunches out but have a big buffet to choose from for fussy toddlers in the evening when they are cranky); days planned around their needs - beach, pool, walks, nature. Wine when they are asleep.

We’ve done 2 holidays like this (kids now 2 & 3). Any other variation has been a disaster and I’ve regretted it as it’s been so much work. I’ll stick with this format for another few years and then hopefully we can deviate a little bit!

I am a gm now so have adult only hols which are bliss but go for 7 days in a caravan in UK with DD and her 3 kids 6 yrs and under once a year and it's brilliant fun. Seaside with kids centred caravan park with indoor swimming and activities. Exhausting but I love it

Mine loved all inclusive holidays when they were little.

Keep it easy for yourselves - get small portions of breakfast for example and if they want to go and get pancakes/waffles etc as well they can.

Let them get their own ice creams/ drinks if they can, mine used to like that and they'd spend ages choosing. They seemed to enjoy them more if they'd fetched them.

Lift buttons? One is always the button presser on the way out. The other is the button presser on the way back.

Kids clubs kids clubs kids club!

I enjoy going to the zoo. I enjoy pottering around on the beach. I enjoy manageable walks in beautiful places where kids can futz around exploring nature. I enjoy theme parks and bird shows. So I think the key point here is not to bother growing up. My kids are adults now - and they still enjoy all those things. It's about living in the moment and not demanding grand things from life.

I always had great holidays with my children both long and short haul and always in a hotel with plenty to do like water parks, kids playgrounds and a couple of pools and the beach.
I think it helped than mine only had 18 months between them where as you have a 4 and 8 year old. Mine being so close in age had very similar wants so I wasn’t trying to find something that both a 4 and 8 year old would both be interested in and able to do.

Honestly I find both those ages really easy on holiday. Combination of kids clubs, divide anc conquer with husband, late nights with entertainerment then 4 year old has little nap in the day, lots of “let’s chill and eat ice cream on sunbed”, watch whilst they build sandcastles. We recently went away with 6&8 year old (they were fab) and 18 month old (absolute nightmare!)

I always think this when I see other people's children on holiday. Constant whingeing, whining and bickering. I've started booking adults only hotels to get away from it all. I don't know how people do it.

Try kid club tomorrow

Depends on your expectations really.
Those adverts of families lying blissfully by a pool and then jumping in the water all
holdings hands are them selling a lie 😂
our last proper abroad holiday was the best one. The youngest must have been 7 and old enough to not have to either be in the pool with him every time he got in or watching like a hawk. Obviously he wasn’t ever NOT with an adult but his older sisters also took turns with him and dh and I and it enabled us all to have a proper relax inbetween times.
We also book villas with a pool and go out most days for lunch, drive somewhere new for a change of scene and do a mix of eating out or bbqing at the house.
No chance I’m going to a hotel to hear other kids crying all day! And the idea of a kids club never appealed to us although I know for some they’re essential, we don’t appreciate a schedule on holiday.
It’s easier as they get older, my older 2 are almost adults and are so laid back, the younger one is 10 now and old enough to properly lie in in the mornings after late nights.
There are lots of different types of holidays, they’re not a one size fits all kind of thing.
i enjoy them more now they’re older for sure. Before that it’s definitely a case of ‘same shit, different location’!

If you want to sunbathe, take it in turns to parent. That's not what family holidays are about. As pp have said - centre it around the kids, make sure they have plenty of exercise and plenty to eat. If you're on the beach, go in the water, go rock pooling, make sandcastles, and have an ice cream. The stuff that was fun as a kid is still fun!

Holidays with young children should have a different name.

I’m bewildered too. Mine are a similar age to OPs and I like the hols. We keep ours simple, self catering in the countryside in UK. Walks, beaches, slow paced, lots of play for kids, only a couple of organized activities. Make sure holiday cottage has big garden or communal garden so kids can play there.

I like it.