To think holidays with kids are SHIT

[Holibollocks]

Caveat: I know we are really really lucky to be able to afford to go on holiday.

But. WTAF??! Why is this so shit?!! Kids are 4 and 8 and this is the first 'big' holiday we've been on. Previously it's always been camping or self catering-didn't go away at all during covid and I'm a nurse so we felt like it was worth splashing out a bit for a half term break and we've gone for an all inclusive thing.

Anyway, we're 2 days in and to be honest it would be easier being at work. Every single tiny little thing they have whinged and moaned and complained and then when I thought they couldn't complain anymore they've somehow managed it. Constant fucking requests that go beyond anything I've experienced with them at home...followed by more whinging. So far it's shit. Expensive shit.

What am I doing wrong?? What is the secret to making this a great holiday?

Time was what improved it for us. Many years....

A. You look back with rose tinted glasses. Though dd9 (at the time) eating something that disagreed with her and puking in a dustbin at Chester zoo whilst her sister (11) screamed she wasn't leaving since she was on holiday and the only thing she wanted to do was this lousy effin zoo ... takes some tinting...

B. They are 19 and 21 now and an absolute joy to go away with.

I feel like a bit of a weirdo now being shocked at all the "dump them in kids club" posts, it's sad to me that you take a family holiday and the first thought is to ditch a part of the family...

I don't think it's about lower expectations, more about adjusting them. Every time there's a change in situation the holiday will be different - so when you were single and went away with friends, that's going to be different to going away with your DH, and obviously again different when you have DC.

Routines are important - I have found mine both appreciate knowing what we are doing and when, rather than just totally freewheeling it.

And agree with a pp that small activities followed by rest or down time is better than trying to pack in too much. Sometimes the simplest things can be the best - ds2 and I walk the dog down to the beach together every morning because he's an early riser, we leave ds1 and dh sleeping. I take coffee in a flask, he takes a bucket to collect beach treasures in. It's become something we look forward to every year.
We've never done hotels / AI / kids club holidays though, we always do self-catering, it suits us much better.

We always had zero tolerance on whining and moaning cannot bear it won’t have it. No child of mine is going to channel Verruca Salt. My friends would put up with appalling whiny shit behaviour from their kids and their holidays were rubbish too.

From school age onwards our family holidays have been some of the best times of my life. We house swapped so visited all sorts of places with them.

Dump them at the kids club, wave goodbye and don't reappear for at least 3 hours.

They'll soon remember that Mummy is the best thing since sliced bread and you'l have had a few moments to remember why you had children. 😁

Age 3 onwards is when it gets easier, DH and I would have family pool time then an hour each on a lounger chill time. I found even around age 4 they would need some down time so I would put them on a lounger in a shade with a book , colouring in or iPad. They would normally fall asleep. If they were really grouchy and over tired one of is would just take them back to the room for a nap or one of our older children would. The worst holidays for me was when they hadn't been walking long.

Chuck ‘em in kids club

Hang in there, hopefully they’ll settle into a new routine. Take it in turns to take them and play so that one of gets an hour’s peace. Put them to bed early. 😀

It does get easier

Our best holiday ever was when the DC were 12 and 15 and we went on a Mediterranean cruise ( from Southampton, DD was frightened of flying )
We hardly saw them ! There was so much for them to do
They have both said it was the best holiday , and although they’d love to go on a cruise again , they’re worried it won’t be as good as they remember

However , we also had lovely holidays in an apartment in Spain which we look back on fondly ( I think the words look back on fondly are key )
Endless hours spent round the paddling pool , weapons ( I mean toy watering cans , buckets , jugs etc ) action man and Barbie , lots of biscuits and ice cream for them , and wine for you

Low expectations and snacks?
I am still scarred from last years literal shit fest. UK though - camping pod - 6 year old and 1 year old. They both got vomiting and diarrhoea - not a day passed without an explosion from one orifice or another. Don't know what age you are , but if you are familiar with the 80's drama " Tenko". This was my holiday without the humidity.
Sending sympathy and solidarity OP, hang in there.

I think sometimes abroad with under 10's just isn't worth it. I think it can be so far out of what their routine is it can send them a bit whiney.
Sorry this doesn't help you now but we just did self catering near a UK beach up to older years. This meant we could do few hours on the beach then home to relax, or out to the zoo then home etc so it wasn't too much.
Stick a film on in later afternoon glass of wine nice food.
It wasn't adult holiday fun but it was still nice and we made some good memories.
Hope things improve for you on this break.

We had a holiday like that OP a few years ago. We saved and saved and it was too hot and all the kids did was moan! Some best breaks have been impromptu breaks where you don't expect too much! I know that doesn't help you right now.

I have given up on holidays that I want until the kids are older or gone! My kids are happiest camping or in a caravan in the uk. Aged 10 and 6. So we do this for the kids and every 6 months or so we book a luxury hotel for just me and DH or even a spa break.

I remember that holiday well. It cost us a fortune and the kids moaned and moaned and it was hard work. I remember coming back on the plane thinking never again!
We haven't been abroad since. However the best holiday we ever had was a last minted driving hol to a gite in France. It was last minute and I think because we had no expectations we loved it!

Managing expectations is your friend! Tonight sit down and plan everything with them, write it down and stick it on a piece of paper in your room. What you'll do, when/where lunch will be etc. If they know what to expect the next day they'll be less likely to moan. Give them both a budget of five euros a day or whatever for ice cream/toys/gym all machines.

@Barleysugar86

why didn’t you?

Gumball machines!

Currently having a stand off with a child who doesn't think he needs a shower after a day of sun lotion and pool swimming. We're only one day in. Kids can be hard work amd damn unreasonable!!

Yeah I'm suprised too at how many people just want to dump their kids. I've worked at those kids clubs abroad and some of the staff are amazing and are energetic, fun, caring etc but some are just fucking awful and there's no way in hell I'd risk putting my children in them now. I was once with a group of around 30 8-11 year olds in The pool, and the 2 other members of staff I had with me were SHIT. So many other stories. But I hope you have a wonderful holiday OP. like others have said just lots of turn taking with your OH ETC XX

The secret?

It's much more relaxing when kids are happy and thus not whinging.

The type of holiday that achieves that is rarely the type of holiday a grown up would prioritise.

Kids vary but for mine they happiest in mildly warm weather, basically English summer, on a damp sandy beach. Fish and chips/pasta bolognese: fine. Lovely Spanish sea food/anything forrin: not ok.

What a lot of kids want more than anything is quality time with mum & dad. This is in conflict with any adult who just wants to relax on a sun lounger so you have to really balance needs.

Holidays with children IMO are really stressful. We do have an autistic child though which makes it even harder. I think holidaying with little ones is easiest because they can't fight and answer back if they don't want to do something, they just sort of fit in with you. When they get to about 8 it gets much harder as they get bored and full of attitude and want to stay up late and then end up being really tired and grumpy. My kids love live entertainment but arent very sporty so we found that Butlins is the best option for us as they are never bored and always busy. However my sisters kids hate Butlins as they want to be playing football and in and out of the water all day so I do think different holidays suit different families.

One week all inclusive in the sun with just me and the kids was far easier than with my DH- DH hates water and sitting still he has to be off off exploring - he came with us the first year but did his own thing 2nd year I went solo with the kids far less stressful and kids hardly argued at all. Alot of my friends would never entertain a week away without their partner as they need him to entertain the kids.

I think the answer is finding a holiday that suits YOUR family and it will not be the same as the lady up the road or even your sibling. And it will be hard work you just have to decide whether you are prepared for the hard work a holiday entails... I think the families that find holidays relaxing are very very lucky.

@Bintymcbintface

if they’re being whiny and unpleasant to be around them why the fuck not?

a family holiday isn’t just about the kids it’s for the adults too, they deserve to enjoy it just as much if not more seeing as they payed for it!

get the kids in the kids club and then get the cocktails in OP!🍹 You’ll soon find yourself having a far better time

I agree that when you spend loads and travel a long distance, the expectations and pressure to ‘have an amazing time’ rise and disappointment is fairly likely. Long journeys and very hot climates don’t usually suit very small children. It’s not surprising they are cranky for 3 days when they arrive - and if you’re only there for a week or 10 days it’s just too long.

Most kids enjoy swimming and enjoy some time on a beach. They don’t enjoy long drawn out meals, lots of site seeing or long journeys or heat.

Clubs raise lots of different views. Some think that if you work all year and this 2 week slot is your family time, it should be with the kids. Others put their kids in for every hour they can. People have to choose for themselves like with everything else. Some people see the holiday as about family time and being together, others see it as a time for them to personally recharge and that’s what they desperately need to do.

Sorry I shouldn’t laugh as it sounds as horrific as I know it will have been: but the Tenko analogy tipped me over the edge😆

I think the answer is going with other people with kids. Or without. But definitely going with other people and having a partner who plays with them.

We did take our son abroad once he hit 3 but in all honesty it was more for us than him - I think many under10s would just as much enjoy a week at Butlins or Haven and pay for the highest level accom they have- get grandparents to have them for the odd 5 day abroad break if you are lucky enough to have those kind of grandparents- we had more success to be honest on the couple of winter resort ones in Austria -none of us ski but he went on toboggan runs, chair lifts, dogsledding- that kind of thing. We factored in a lot of doing stuff and took turns whilst the other one hit the indoor pool/spa- this worked well!! Not the cheapest holiday though!

When my DS was small he used to get a bit unnerved by where things were. So we always did a tour of the hotel, booked trips, joined the kids club and played in the pool. I used to love those holidays.