Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wondering why friend keeps bringing this up - AIBU?

138 replies

Aboutafriend · 28/05/2022 12:30

So over lockdown I had a husband WFH (still do) while I was on maternity leave and I tried to come up with ways to break the day up.

Once I did drive some distance (maybe 2 hours) to go to the beach.

Anyway, friend keeps bringing this up. Not as in it was the wrong thing to do because of lockdown rules (technically breaking them but definitely no one was at risk, just walked alone) but just talking about laughing about it like it was the weirdest thing to do ever.

Its making me feel really uncomfortable and like I’m being laughed at behind my back. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Aboutafriend · 28/05/2022 17:09

Well, that’s clearly not what she’s saying, though. And I don’t want to get sucked into a bitchy spat that I probably won’t win.

I suppose I will have to wait and see if it is brought up again and actually say, nicely, that it feels as if I am being mocked a bit. That will knock it on the head but it may just knock the friendship on the head too as it is a bit awkward.

OP posts:
Sheilaroundthefountain · 28/05/2022 17:21

People bring up my daughters past ‘adventures’ (she had form for not necessarily thinking about consequences when she was younger eg going to meet a friend locally, then changing her mind and going to Glasgow to see a different friend. We live in Hampshire. Lots of things, some a lot wilder…), and certain people think it’s hilarious to mention them. She looks at them and says ‘yeah, and I’d do it again!’ In a lighthearted tone, but it seems to shut them down, and it makes the people listening be more fair enough’ instead of laughing at her.

Chubarubrub · 28/05/2022 17:27

I had a friend like this OP. I had moved to a new area and I took a day off midweek and drove an hour to a nearby town (a pretty market town) and had a day to myself pottering and shock horror I went into a cake shop on my own, drank coffee, ate cake and read a book.

Apparently it was so funny and weird it got brought up time and time again in a very ‘remember when you went to X on your own!’ way too.

NiqueNique · 28/05/2022 17:27

@Aboutafriend if you politely pushing back against mocking from a ‘friend’ results in the friendship ending then that really wasn’t much of a friendship to begin with!

You really don’t need to be spending time with people who tear you down and make you feel ‘less than’ as a matter of course, so if she turns it into a huge spat then that’s on her not you, and she‘ll probably have done you a massive favour in the long run.

Original poster
Aboutafriend · 28/05/2022 17:32

@Chubarubrub see that’s normal to me but I also know some people would find it odd, I have no idea why. I mean, there are some hobbies and interests other people have that I wouldn’t personally choose but surely people realise mocking you for them is really quite snide and generally unpleasant.

OP posts:
Chubarubrub · 28/05/2022 17:45

Aboutafriend · 28/05/2022 17:32

@Chubarubrub see that’s normal to me but I also know some people would find it odd, I have no idea why. I mean, there are some hobbies and interests other people have that I wouldn’t personally choose but surely people realise mocking you for them is really quite snide and generally unpleasant.

Yes it’s normal for me too and yes I agree, very mean girl.

Sometimes I’m quite happy bumbling about on my own terms but this particular friend always seemed to think it odd/hilarious that I’d happily do some things on my own. Going clothes shopping on my own seemed a right giggle.

Me buying a record player nearly sent her over the edge I think 🤯 ???

KettrickenSmiled · 28/05/2022 18:52

MarisPiper92 · 28/05/2022 16:26

I used to have a colleague like this. At the time I regularly used to go to GoodGym (which combines running with volunteering), and if I ever mentioned it she would always say "OMG! That's so weird! Only YOU would do something like that!". She said it as if it were hilarious, but she was a bully pure and simple. Don't let it get to you OP. Try to find some better friends if possible.

This sounds extremely irritating. Did she think you were the Only Maris In The Gym?

"yes, colleague, I'm their sole client, it's amazing, I get the WHOLE gym to myself"

KettrickenSmiled · 28/05/2022 18:57

Aboutafriend · 28/05/2022 17:09

Well, that’s clearly not what she’s saying, though. And I don’t want to get sucked into a bitchy spat that I probably won’t win.

I suppose I will have to wait and see if it is brought up again and actually say, nicely, that it feels as if I am being mocked a bit. That will knock it on the head but it may just knock the friendship on the head too as it is a bit awkward.

The thing is, when you call passive-aggressive goaders out on their shit, they just deny it, then turn it round on you.
They use pass-agg because they are cowards who want to say mean things but don;t have the guts to won it - so they go for 'plausible deniability'.

You could try, next time she does it, just responsing with "do I remember? Do you remember the last time you told this apparently hilarious story? It was last month, at the cafe. The time before that, it was at the park the day we fed the ducks. I'm keeping a diary of how many times you have found this so funny - I've got a bet on with DH that you can get to 20 mentions before Xmas."

KettrickenSmiled · 28/05/2022 18:57

the guts to OWN it

Enjoyallthewine · 28/05/2022 19:18

I’d probably end up snapping at her “will just shut up about it?” then see what happens. From experience this can work and be enough to close something odd down so you can move on, no explanation or further thought needed.

EmmaH2022 · 28/05/2022 19:40

Aboutafriend · 28/05/2022 16:57

I’m quite confident that I don’t ‘deserve’ it, but she may well see me as the fat ugly joke hence the finding normal things amusing or worthy of recounting.

It sounds like you need to ditch her and anyone who enables this.

are you saying she literally makes fat, ugly jokes?

MarisPiper92 · 28/05/2022 21:24

@KettrickenSmiled it was extremely irritating, I wish I'd said your response.

Trudij123 · 29/05/2022 14:18

KettrickenSmiled · 28/05/2022 18:57

The thing is, when you call passive-aggressive goaders out on their shit, they just deny it, then turn it round on you.
They use pass-agg because they are cowards who want to say mean things but don;t have the guts to won it - so they go for 'plausible deniability'.

You could try, next time she does it, just responsing with "do I remember? Do you remember the last time you told this apparently hilarious story? It was last month, at the cafe. The time before that, it was at the park the day we fed the ducks. I'm keeping a diary of how many times you have found this so funny - I've got a bet on with DH that you can get to 20 mentions before Xmas."

Show quote history

Awesome answer!!

id probably end Up seething until I snap and tell her to fuck off

New posts on this thread. Refresh page