Wondering why friend keeps bringing this up - AIBU?

[Aboutafriend]

So over lockdown I had a husband WFH (still do) while I was on maternity leave and I tried to come up with ways to break the day up.

Once I did drive some distance (maybe 2 hours) to go to the beach.

Anyway, friend keeps bringing this up. Not as in it was the wrong thing to do because of lockdown rules (technically breaking them but definitely no one was at risk, just walked alone) but just talking about laughing about it like it was the weirdest thing to do ever.

Its making me feel really uncomfortable and like I’m being laughed at behind my back. AIBU?

Your friend doesn't sound friendly she sounds horrible- nobody should have a friend who makes them feel bad about themselves

Then you need new (genuine) friends.

Maybe but like I say this isn’t the first time it’s happened, and I think it’s possibly more likely to be me.

This was really helpful. Thank you.

Is she trying to insinuate you went a bit mad?!

Yeah, possibly something like that!

I can't help noticing how you refer to yourself very negatively in some of your posts. Have you mentioned any of this to your DH? what does he say?

I think there are a certain group of people who in truth are just not that bright. They live in a world where if everyone doesn't act the same and do exactly as they would they think it's so terribly wierd and out there.

It's like their brain gets stuck in a feedback loop where they have to keep bringing it up because its not something they would do and they don't have the intelligence to understand people can make different choices without it being a big deal. If it's that I wouldn't stress about it but also use shorter words with them because they won't be able to keep up.

Alternatively they could being nasty and passive aggressive (although apparently choosing to look stupid doing it). Are they honestly any fun to be around ? They don't sound like scintillating company?

Sweetheart - first things first - look at @IncompleteSenten 's very complete & effective little sentence just above. Great, isn't it? You can do that.
Doesn;t matter if the rest of the group can hear or not - you only need your frenemy to hear you.

OK - next:
In any case I don’t want a massively awkward atmosphere all night, and if I am a joke it’s not going to stop them seeing me like that, because literally anything I do or say is funny because the fat ugly one is doing / saying it.

Will you stop being so horrible to yourself?
If you feel like this around this group, there's a reason for it.
They are maybe a bunch of bitches, or your frenemy is & makes you feel uncomfortable or like an 'odd one out'.
Sadly, some people never grow up past the playground in terms of how they treat other people. Perhaps she is one of them.

How well are you supported at home?
Now you are a mum, have you maybe found that your friendship group has diminished?
Do you have the freedom & funds to join a hobby or interest group - with & without your DC? Say, an evening 'off' once a week while DH does the parenting & you do something just for you?

This is clearly playing on your mind - it would on mine a little bit too, tbh, but I am long in the tooth & no longer take pass-agg nonsense from shitstirrers so ...
Annoying as it is, it's maybe less about "handling the repetitive remarks" than "wondering if this woman is actually my friend".
Does that sound accurate?
If so - you don't owe her anything, & you are 'allowed' to distance yourself from her.
Or you could decide "today I am meeting frenemy for coffee & I am going to be IMPERVIOUS" ... but I might start small by raising my eyebrows incredulously/pityingly when she trots out her usual schtick ...

And in the meantime - a new interest for you, mum. You are more than a woman raising a child, & you might find it very refreshing to carve out some regular Me Time to do some independent adulting in. With the bonus that you will gradually attract new, & maybe more emotionally intelligent, friends.

I had a friend like this. She once saw a giant fist in Ann Summers and she recounted it over and over and over and over...
On a bus I had a flask and it said "Judge" on it and she thought it was the funniest thing ever and reminded me of my brand of flask over and over and over and over...
Utterly baffling.
I laughed along with her the first few times because I had poor boundaries back then, but honestly it got tedious.
I think some people just have very dull lives.

@Nietzschethehiker oh that make me laugh - thanks! 😂😎

I guess she found it quite a random thing to do without planning. And so now she's being weird about it because she doesn't get why you did it.

I had a “friend” like this in secondary school. She’d comment on perfectly ordinary things I said / did / owned as if they were hilarious or outlandish. I ended up doubting my judgment on everything and became really introverted lest I say or do anything to give her more ammunition. But I let it affect me so much because I was 12 and didn’t understand what she was doing. You’re an adult OP, and as everyone so far has pointed out, it’s fairly obvious her intentions aren’t good. You can shut it down or stop spending time with her, but please don’t start doubting your own - perfectly normal - behaviour.

DH would definitely say I am lovely and if I wanted to lose weight eat less and move more …

I actually lost a lot last year but back to work and gained quite a lot back. I’m looking into some lifestyle changes to help and I’m going to start in earnest Wednesday (1st June.) But I do feel like an awkward, chubby schoolgirl when she starts like that!

this has always happened where I’ve done something perfectly normal and someone or several someones have found it HILARIOUS and feel the need to bring it up all the time

The same group? Or different ones?

You sound a bit lacking in self esteem, calling yourself fat and ugly. Be nicer to yourself!

I ended up doubting my judgment on everything

Yes, I can sympathise with this.

Could it be she's trying to have a go at you for "breaking" lock down rules? Sounds like she might want a debate about it.

No matter, she sounds like a bully.

My ILs do this kind of thing. Like, going on and on about the time I left a bottle of Milton at their house. Or making digs about a place they visited with DH and DCs the ONE time I didn't go with them to visit ILs.

Weird behaviour.

Apologies OP, thread went on to more pages as I posted - THIS is the PP's post with the advise on how to close this down succinctly.

FFS. I'll get a life in a minute - I mean THIS!!!!!!! ^^^

I honestly am sure that this wasn’t a dig about breaking rules - we all broke them, had a walk in the park with the babies.

DH would definitely say I am lovely and if I wanted to lose weight eat less and move more … Smile
He's a keeper, well done you OP!

I actually lost a lot last year but back to work and gained quite a lot back. I’m looking into some lifestyle changes to help and I’m going to start in earnest Wednesday (1st June.) But I do feel like an awkward, chubby schoolgirl when she starts like that!
Some people are very adept at making us feel small OP.
You crack on with whatever lifestyle changes make you feel happier & more confident. If part of that includes fitness, work up to getting to some classes, or outdoor group activities - it's great for boosting mental as well as physical & health, you will meet a nice range of different people, & you will hit it off with some of them.

OP I used to get this a lot. 'Oh you're soooo weird' ' OMG you're such a freak, but we just love you! ' 'OMG planet Wilko' It made me feel vaguely, inexplicably uncomfortable to start with then when it went on for years isolated and othered. With hindsight it was massively passive aggressive and done to make me feel small. I solved it by moving away and finding some real friends.

During lockdown I used to put my 3 children (a baby, 3 and 4 year olds) in the car and just drive....simply drive...I was breaking the rules at the time but sanity overruled the rules and now I’ve read about Boris and his parties I’m glad I did it!

I too had a 'friend ' at school like this. I remember she once commented sneerringly that she'd seen me going into the library on a Saturday. Another Friend challenged her on it, saying what's wrong with That?
I was never very good at comebacks . Its much easier to think of them later, not so easy at the time.

Your freneny - walked in the PARK?!
Does she remember this outre performance?
Do you think she needs to hear about it 27 times in case she forgets the significance of the extraordinary event?
What a spectacle she must have been - making a show of herself, walking like that - in a public PARK!!
What is she like?
😂
Go on OP. I dare ya xx