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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Wondering why friend keeps bringing this up - AIBU?

138 replies

Aboutafriend · 28/05/2022 12:30

So over lockdown I had a husband WFH (still do) while I was on maternity leave and I tried to come up with ways to break the day up.

Once I did drive some distance (maybe 2 hours) to go to the beach.

Anyway, friend keeps bringing this up. Not as in it was the wrong thing to do because of lockdown rules (technically breaking them but definitely no one was at risk, just walked alone) but just talking about laughing about it like it was the weirdest thing to do ever.

Its making me feel really uncomfortable and like I’m being laughed at behind my back. AIBU?

OP posts:
PurpleButterflyWings · 28/05/2022 13:14

northbacchus · 28/05/2022 13:11

She's only making herself look odd, not you OP.

This. ^

MarmaladeLime · 28/05/2022 13:19

Shes odd. You're fine.

PurpleButterflyWings · 28/05/2022 13:20

Urgh I HATE it when someone keeps bringing something up over and over again, that THEY deem as hilarious. I would be tempted to start saying you don't know what she's talking about/you don't remember it. I have done this when people do this.

My DH had form for this some years ago, laughing and teasing me for a couple of faux pas I did many years before. Still LOL-ing and dragging it up for cheap laughs 7 to 8 years later! No-one laughed except him, because it was almost a decade before! He doesn't do it now and hasn't for some years but it was annoying. He thought he was so funny, re-telling the 'tale' for cheap laughs at my expense.. I just kept saying I didn't know what he was talking about and changed the subject, and he eventually just stopped.

IMO it's borderline bullying when people keep banging on about something that you did wrong, or something you messed up, or some accident or incident you had (not that what you did falls into any of these categories.)

One woman I knew some years back had a DH who kept CONSTANTLY reminding her that she had fluffed her lines when they got married. Every opportunity possible, he brought it up and laughed about it. Usually when they were with other people No-one laughed except him.

She felt like shit when it happened, even though everyone said it didn't matter, and he kept bringing it up, for cheap laughs.. She went red every time. The 15th or 16th time he had mentioned it in 2 years, her mother yelled at him in front of 10 people (the 10 he was sharing her hilarious mistake with.) She told him he was a fucking arsehole for dragging this up constantly. 'Well I am only having a laugh' he muttered meekly.' YES, at HER expense you fucking twat!' her mum said. He never mentioned it again.

@Aboutafriend You really need to either say you aren't sure what she means (like you forgot) OR tell her to stop mentioning it because it's tedious now. If she persists I would be giving her a wide berth tbh. Couldn't be friends with someone like this.

PurpleButterflyWings · 28/05/2022 13:20

@Hugasauras

I think I'd say 'Are you okay? You seem to find the weirdest things amusing! Is something up?' with faux concern. Or just 'I do remember, it was lovely. What's funny about it? I don't understand'

@FlippityFlapperty

She’s clearly trying to make some sort of passive aggressive point. I’d just ask, “You keep laughing at this event months later even though nothing funny actually happened. What am I missing?”

Also these ^. Try something like one of these 2 @Aboutafriend and if she persists I would start avoiding her to be honest.

meowzeer · 28/05/2022 13:22

What did you mean "I had a husband wfh"?

mistermagpie · 28/05/2022 13:25

meowzeer · 28/05/2022 13:22

What did you mean "I had a husband wfh"?

Her husband was working from home.

She's being weird, not you. I can't even think what would be amusing about that?

Once during Covid we visited BIL and SIL and our kids played Lego in their garden even though it was snowing because we weren't 'allowed' inside. We sometimes laugh about that one but your story seems perfectly normal!!

RockItLikeRocketFuel · 28/05/2022 13:26

I could ask but every time it’s been in a largish group of people and I don’t want to sound hostile.

How does everyone else in the largish group react when she brings it up? I'm betting stony silence

Maytodecember · 28/05/2022 13:30

You’re not odd. Your friend definitely is.

Lovemypeaceandquiet · 28/05/2022 13:30

Literally there’s nothing funny about it. At his point I’d just tell her something to make her feel stupid for laughing about it, cause it is.

in the first lockdown I was working in residential care and we were driving for HOURS just to break the day up. We had our managers number in hand in case we got stopped by the police. People I looked after needed that, and so did we to be honest.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 28/05/2022 13:31

Sorry for self pitying moan but this has always happened where I’ve done something perfectly normal and someone or several someones have found it HILARIOUS and feel the need to bring it up all the time and I hate it.

This is quite common in groups - I've been on the receiving end of it, and also seen it directed at others many times. Some people actually love it ("Yeah that's just me, I'm so crazeeey 😜"), and I don't think it is intentionally hostile, but I don't like it. I notice it happens when the group is a bit awkward and needs to unite in a good laugh. I've never been bothered enough to say anything, but if the same person or group kept doing it I would have to.

tootiredtoocare · 28/05/2022 13:34

It's weird that she thinks its weird.

Sally872 · 28/05/2022 13:35

The only mention I might make is if reminiscing about how difficult lockdown was and remembered you drove a long way to beach to break the day up.

But even that doesn't make sense as it seems like a relatively nice lockdown activity. Your friend is being weird.

CurbsideProphet · 28/05/2022 13:36

You drove your car to help your baby nap and your friend thinks it's the most hilarious thing they've ever heard? They don't sound like a friend. I hope you have nicer ones to spend time with.

Springduckling · 28/05/2022 13:39

Odd. The nearest good beach to me is about 90 mins away and I drive there every year, as do a lot of people I know. Not everyone lives near a beach.
Equally I've done 2 hour drives to visit other places, castles ets.
I think you need to give her a hard stare next time and tell her that its not funny, and that it was well worth the drive.

FrancescaContini · 28/05/2022 13:42

RockItLikeRocketFuel · 28/05/2022 13:26

I could ask but every time it’s been in a largish group of people and I don’t want to sound hostile.

How does everyone else in the largish group react when she brings it up? I'm betting stony silence

She brings it up BECAUSE you’re in a large group - she wants to embarrass you in front of others and for them to think less of you.

She wouldn’t do it when you’re alone, I bet.

DontPickTheFlowers · 28/05/2022 13:43

OP is it just this or other things that she brings up?

It is a bit odd as it really is a non-issue. Bringing it up in front of others is almost as if she’s trying to undermine you and show you up.

I had a good friend who was a bit like this, it didn’t end well. I’d be very careful and completely distance yourself, she’ll only get worse.

Springduckling · 28/05/2022 13:44

Years ago I had a colleague who thought DHs job was i dunno, a bit of a joke. He would repeatedly make the joke that we spent our evenings discussing and reading up on this job.
After a while I just had a go at him, he did look a bit shamefaced and stopped after that.

Imabitbusyatthemoment · 28/05/2022 13:44

I suspect she is having a passive aggressive go at you for breaking lockdown rules, but said jokingly so she can make a point without a full blown accusation/argument.

Tell her to get over it and turn her attention to Boris.

Binglebong · 28/05/2022 13:46

Look at her puzzled "You do realise it's weird to keep bringing that up, don't you? I'm hardly alone in driving to sooth my baby or in going to a beach for a break, even in lockdown."

monotype · 28/05/2022 13:50

Just put your head in your hands and say "Oh God not this again. I'm really sorry to have to say this, but you really need to get out more. It's not normal to be amused at random incidences from ages ago." Then tilt your head pityingly.

KettrickenSmiled · 28/05/2022 13:51

I could ask but every time it’s been in a largish group of people and I don’t want to sound hostile.

But your 'friend's' question is hostile OP.
It is designed to make you feel uncomfortable.
She is using it as a tool for a tiny dominance display in front of your other friends.

As PP have suggested, go dead-pan & ask her what's weird about taking a baby for a drive to help them sleep. What's weird about walking on a beach?
What's up with her that she is obsessed about a walk you had 2 years ago?

monotype · 28/05/2022 13:51

Imabitbusyatthemoment · 28/05/2022 13:44

I suspect she is having a passive aggressive go at you for breaking lockdown rules, but said jokingly so she can make a point without a full blown accusation/argument.

Tell her to get over it and turn her attention to Boris.

I don't think it's lockdown rules. I think it's her implying something about the relationship with the WFH husband

grapewines · 28/05/2022 13:51

She's having a go at you for breaking the rules, but doesn't want to come out and say it directly.

Branleuse · 28/05/2022 13:53

I would start roaring with laughter, and say "I know, I cant believe it. I was bored and so i went for a drive to the beach for a walk with my baby. Absolutely MENTAL. WHAT AM I LIKE ? Only me would do something so completely bonkers and hilarious as drive to the beach for some fresh air. They should LOCK ME UP"

forrestgreen · 28/05/2022 13:54

Every time, just turn to her, and say ' why are you still bringing this up. You've said the same thing over x times'... and just look at her

She's not bothered about who she belittles you in front of, so play the same game. She's not a good friend