Wondering why friend keeps bringing this up - AIBU?

[Aboutafriend]

So over lockdown I had a husband WFH (still do) while I was on maternity leave and I tried to come up with ways to break the day up.

Once I did drive some distance (maybe 2 hours) to go to the beach.

Anyway, friend keeps bringing this up. Not as in it was the wrong thing to do because of lockdown rules (technically breaking them but definitely no one was at risk, just walked alone) but just talking about laughing about it like it was the weirdest thing to do ever.

Its making me feel really uncomfortable and like I’m being laughed at behind my back. AIBU?

That sounds as if he is supportive which is good. Not sure how often you meet up with these friends but maybe give it a miss for a while and spend time with people who are nicer to be around
Look after yourself- emotionally- don't let anyone put you down.

she’ll just suddenly erupt into peaks of laughter and ‘remember when you went to …?’ I mean, I’m just wondering if I’m really odd

She’s the odd one, not you, op. It all sounds perfectly normal to me!

Maybe you’ve been given the mantle of the ‘kooky, free spirit’ of the group? Sometimes when that happens, whether it’s ‘sensible’, ‘quiet’, ‘bubbly’, etc. no matter what you do or say, that becomes your function.

Otherwise, maybe she was envious that you were able to take off on an outing with your baby and go where you chose. Probably wished she could have done the same, and is now determined to paint it as hilariously eccentric to make herself feel better. Call her out on it. I would say something lighthearted along the lines of ‘I’m surprised you still find that funny x months on! Remind me what the joke was?’

Does anyone else ever laugh or even take any notice? Other people probably don’t get the joke either. It’s horrible feeling that you’re being picked on or made fun of, but you have to remember that the only people who do this to others are unhappy and insecure themselves.

This.

@Wilkolampshade you are so well mannered & polite about "finding real friends". I know exactly what you mean when describing that behaviour - may I rephrase? - you dumped a bunch of cunts. Am sure it's years behind you now but this specific brand of toxic femininity can be v hard to handle when we're younger

I think it’s quite a common dynamic with teenage girls. I read an amazing novel recently - Tennis Lessons by Susannah Dickey - where the protagonist is bullied in this way within her friendship group as she grows up. It was an uncomfortable read as it was so close to my own experience, but at the same time I found it cathartic to see the behaviour captured and exposed so accurately. What upsets me about your posts is that there are people who are behaving like this as adults. Is this “friend” really worth spending time with? Does she have any positive attributes?

Yes. She's acting unhinged, and you're internalising it.

You are not odd.

In England no, not sure about other nations (Scotland or Wales might have had distances mentioned in their legislation), there was no set defined distance in where you could or could not drive in England to exercise, over zealous uninformed police officers issuing unenforceable fines made it appear to the wider public that it was something you explicitly couldn't do, when under the words of the law enacted (or omission of them) you could. And in fact the beach was a place specifically mentioned in the coronavirus lockdown guidelines as a place you can freely go for exercise.

We saw plenty of time people on here losing their shit if you dared to mention that you drove somewhere to exercise "you should start your walking exercise at home and end it at home, it's the law!", umm; no it wasn't.

I think I’d say “I probably wouldn’t remember something so mundane but you keep bringing it up!”

smile and laugh.

My technique is simple. Pause. Ask her to repeat it.

Ask her why it is funny? Wait don’t interrupt.

many her why it is so funny she keeps repeating it over and over ?

I think if you're getting the sense she's taking a jab at you you're probably right.

I mean how weird, wanting to get some fresh air and look at the sea. Can't imagine wanting to do that... except that it was all about 80% of us wanted during lockdown! You are definitely not the weird one here.

I would be dropping contact with this person but I guess you don't want to because of the rest of the group? But you could grey-rock her as much as possible. Talk to others, be polite with her but not forthcoming, if she does her "do you remember" shite just say "yeah, sure," and start talking to somebody else about something else.

I mean who even wants to still talk about lockdown and relive all that crap when they don't have to! It's so 2020.

Hmm I did something like this once and to be fair when I look back it was a bit of a random decision and people still mention it. They laugh and say remember that time you popped to Gretna for a bit shopping? I just laugh back or shrug my shoulders I don’t feel uncomfortable. I got in the car and suddenly decided to ‘pop’ to Gretna at least you got a beach for your 2 hour drive.

This 100 per cent. Call her out on it. Every time.
Why is that weird exactly..
I think its weird that you are fixating on it ... and bringing it up in company all the time.
or
I put it down to hormones and wanting some sea air.

I remember when I was younger being in a similar situation but it turned out the other person genuinely didn't realise it was bothering me. They thought they were just recounting a story that we'd shared. So for them it was about establishing bonds.
There are lots of reasons that could have made her laugh/comment on it in the beginning eg it seems it was pushing lockdown rules; you went without your Dh; etc.

I would say “ bitch “ stfu and get over it !

"Yes I do remember! You never let me forget it!"

Just say “oh yes that’s was a bloody good day, I had such a nice time. Love the beach!”

@Aboutafriend I have a friend like this too. She seems to grab a hold of something and she brings it up over and over again. I spoke to a mutual friend about it because there was one thing in particular she kept going on about and I was feeling a little uncomfortable about it.

Mutual friend thinks she's trying to be 'bantery' about it but is missing the mark - our friends tend to take the piss out of each other and laugh about things each other has done but for some reason this friend seems to latch on to one thing and just repeat that one. I think mutual friend is right so since then I've let go of it and I'm not upset by it at all - I think it's her way of trying to fit in and be part of the banter so it's fine. Is it possible your friend is going the same?

I used to have a colleague like this. At the time I regularly used to go to GoodGym (which combines running with volunteering), and if I ever mentioned it she would always say "OMG! That's so weird! Only YOU would do something like that!". She said it as if it were hilarious, but she was a bully pure and simple. Don't let it get to you OP. Try to find some better friends if possible.

She sounds as if she has a very dull life and extremely narrow horizons and anyone doing anything even slightly unexpected or under their own steam is unsettling to her. There are a lot of people like this. Any breach of the norm, however minor, or any behaviour or opinion which isn’t totally vanilla is seen as being “mad”.

I don’t even think she is trying to be nasty she’s just extremely limited in her intelligence and empathy.

I do think you need new friends though.

Believe me ...... you aren't the weirdo in this situation.

Your friend clearly has a very limited life if that's her best and funniest memory from the past 2 years.

You could even try and frame that as a response.

Friend "🤣🤣🤣🤣 remember when you drove x amount of hours to the beach in lockdown"

You " oh yeah, I'd forgotten about that. But I've had such a busy and fun life since it's paled into insignificance. It was a good day though"

sounds as if she needs to get a life - ignore her

You're lack of confidence may mean you've unintentionally placed yourself in this position by not making your boundaries clear.

I've seen this dynamic before where one person becomes the butt of all horrid snide stuff. I've also been that person.

Your size and weight do not define you.

You are worthy of being treated with respect. You need to find a way to portray this outwardly.

I’m quite confident that I don’t ‘deserve’ it, but she may well see me as the fat ugly joke hence the finding normal things amusing or worthy of recounting.

I'd honestly go with the tact of responding in a way that insinuates her life is dull if that's the best memory she has for the last year!