DH doesn't understand, I mean really 'undertand' the issues women face

[RingRingRed]

Just that really.

DH is a good person, and tries to understand but after another argument tonight I realised he just doesn't get the issues facing women.

I'm so fucked off because we have 2 DD but because they're young, the reality of how shit life is for females hasn't really struck.

He absolutely adores DD's and I'm dreading the BF stage.

He sees me as very fiesty but when I try to share my lived experience, he only sees how I don't 'take shit' now. In my 40s.

AIBU to be SO disappointed in DH

• [post edited at OP's request to remove sensitive detail]

You can love being a woman and still acknowledge that there is systemic prejudice against women across the world, and yes, even in the UK, particularly for brown and black women. The mild disappointment about having a son is nothing compared to the fact that women in some communities are still being pressured to abort female children, to mutilate them, to marry them off against their will, to mistreat them in a myriad ways. There is nothing trendy about saying this.

Well said.

God I'm so glad I'm not the only one to think being a woman is actually pretty excellent.

I've had an amazing time being a woman. And before anyone says it that's in part BECAUSE of all the men I've come across, not in spite of.

All of this.

I think @gannett expresses it perfectly.

Again, though, to enjoy your life as a woman doesn’t preclude you from acknowledging the structural inequalities that women face.

I am also happy being a woman but I am aware of a myriad of ways in which my life has been limited or disadvantaged by my sex. Honestly I am sceptical when people say theirs haven’t.

Again, race is not a perfect analogy but plenty of non white people manage to have very happy and fulfilling lives in a white dominated society but there are few if any who won’t acknowledge that they are disadvantaged by their minority position.

it’s not personal. And it’s not man hate. It’s a structural thing. It’s whether you recognise that fundamental power imbalance.

@Mally100 you should read gannet's post on page one. OP's husband is not the authority on her experience as a woman, how can he 'disagree' with her telling him what it's like for her, in ways he has no idea about?

I did read it and my posts after that specifically said that I'm not referring to the ops situation. Off course he shouldn't be telling her about what she went through. I was referring to the wider discussion about namalt.

Men in the U.K. are twice as likely to be murdered as are women.

Tbh, I think these kind of men are more like ”no one touches my property” and with that HIM being humiliated, rather than seeing any girl/woman as a human being.

Yes John, we know.

and single women are even less likely to be killed, because...no prizes for guessing who is most likely to kill you?!

Yes.

Yes, by other men.

Almost one in three women in England and Wales aged 16-59 will experience domestic abuse in her lifetime.

Among women aged 18-24, 86% have been sexually harassed in public spaces.

Two women a week are killed by a current or former partner in England and Wales.

As @CaliforniaDrumming stated, Male violence is a scourge which hurts both men and women, but women most

Yes, it’s men doing the killing, but why do people persist in denying that it’s mainly other men that they kill? There are plenty of things that women have worse than men, no need to lie about the areas where it’s the other way round.

Nobody has denied it on this thread. It certainly wasn’t denied by the poster you initially quoted.

So, I suppose my question would be ‘why come to a post about the issues women face and attempt to derail it by complaining about something nobody has said’?

@SlightlyGeordieJohn

Yes, it’s men doing the killing, but why do people persist in denying that it’s mainly other men that they kill?

Who has denied this?

Happy to read the comments.

Can’t say I’m have turned into full believer just yet.

(Once again, no offence to people who have it/have had it)

I do kind of hope I’d get to expirience it, but being already 37 and no evidence of it.

At least your DH is not in the government which not only fails to understand women, but actively seeks to disproportionally harm them.

YANBU OP to be disappointed and upset. I sometimes wonder how little progress has been made since the 70s.

A couple of examples I used with my DP when I was trying to explain the existence of privilege and how he had male privilege; had he ever asked his male friends to text/ring him to let him know he got home safe after a night out and had he ever considered his fertility when applying for a job (not even necessarily because he was planning children but because he was of prime fertilising age).

a man will never truly ‘get it’ but I’ve found those two examples are undeniably issues he has witnessed in lots of contexts as different for men.

i can only speak from my own experience. Especially in a rough part of London, there's no doubt about who is statistically more likely to be killed.

but your comment seemed a bit unrelated to the topic here. OP, I think, is worried about her DH denial of all the harassment their DDs are likely to face.

I'm s woman. My husbands life isn't very different to mine. Mine certainly isn't harder because I'm a woman. Maybe some women have it tough but it's a weird generalisation.

Any woman who claims to have never been affected by or at least worried about these disadvantages and fears must be living a very sheltered life, be extremely lucky or deluded

It’s not about not having experienced these issues too but how we’ve perceived and been affected by them will all have been different. One woman might be enraged by ‘the glass ceiling’ whereas another woman might have primarily dreamed of being a housewife and mother. One woman might feel incredible pressure to be beautiful but other women are just happy in themselves even if not perceived as conventionally beautiful.
Most women fall somewhere in between in our perceptions and expectations. Our exact experiences and priorities and how we’ve handled the issues we’ve faced as people are all different. I think many of us worry as much for issues our sons may face as those which may affect our daughters.

...another woman might have primarily dreamed of being a housewife and mother

But surely you can see that this can be a very dangerous dream? Half of marriages end up in divorce - and then what, if the housewife and mother has no career to fall back on..... And even if she used to have a career, she'll have lost years of experience and promotions, and catching up will be difficult or impossible. And if she wasn't married, which is becoming increasingly more common, she'll risk getting shafted financially.

And she still has to deal with many of the other issues, especially safety.

dont be disappointed. I as a woman don’t understand men. To me they concentrate on one thing and not give a second thought to anything else.. my head is 3,4 or do many different things. They sit and enjoy the football crap commentary for an hour pre and post match.. why when you’ve seen the damn game . They get excited by sheds.. why do you want to be in a wooden crate slightly bigger than a coffin.
And they scratch and fiddle with their bits

I think the difference though is that you not understanding those things doesn't have a negative impact on men.

Them not trying to understand the experiences unique to women does have a negative impact on women.

It means they are less likely to take those experiences seriously, notice them, challenge them and be part of making things safer.

You not knowing the offside rule isn't detrimental to men who like football.

Men not appreciating or not believing the risk assessment many women do frequently is detrimental to women who risk assess - because those men aren't likely to help make women feel more comfortable / safer.