Is you’re husband as stupid as mine?

[MyHusbandIsVeryStupid]

I went out for dinner last night with a bunch of my husbands work colleagues who I’ve not met before. We all got on great but I could tell there was a weird vibe between me and them.

Do you want to know why?

My job is a sexual health advisor.

Turns out when asked what I do he’s been telling people I’m a sex worker.

He actually thought that’s what sex worker meant. Thankfully I’ve put everyone straight and the weird tension eased. But omg what a bloody idiot.

Aibu to think he wins the stupid man award?

Hello fellow Health Adviser!!
My Gran used to tell everyone I was a sex worker which had is moments!!

😂😂😂

My Dad is a solicitor. In primary school i wrote a story about my dad going 'soliciting' .....

I would in marketing too...
I found out at my grandmother's funeral that she had told all her friends I work in broadcasting Bless her.

*work not would

One of my friends told me once she was getting glamour photos of herself done. She meant photos of her looking glamorous. She was in her 50s at the time. Then there's the women who answer the switchboard (in the old days when there were switchboards), sometimes referred to as 'call girls'.

Are you married to Derek Trotter?

Haha, really?! He's hopefully learnt his lesson now. I did once write a weekend story as a child that my Mummy was on a ship amd nice to sailers all weekend! She was with my Dad having a tour and was friendly but obs did have connotations. Not that I have anything against anyone, just was very funny. X

My son told his football coach I was a stripper. I was a single parent; worked in a ladies only gym, and my uniform said Bodysculpture 🤷‍♀️.

I had been decorating at home though, with a wallpaper stripper.

His coach took me to one side and asked if I was ok, and did I need any help.

I wrote in my primary school diary that my dad had gone to prison... he had but only to measure up the kitchen as he sold commercial catering equipment!

Mine nudged me when the Tenna Lady advert was on one Christmas, in front of both our families and said loudly " Are those the things the doctor said you needed ? ". No husband, it was antibiotics for a kidney infection, my mum had taken a drop of sherry so countered with " Are you trying to say Polly is regularly pissing herself , MrPolly?"
All the funnier because my mum hardly drinks or swears 😂

I sometimes like to tell people that my lifestyle is funded by ‘drug money’ - DH works in the pharmaceutical industry

@CaptainBeakyandhisband you sound kerazzzzyyyy

Very enjoyable thread, some posts have had me in stitches. Please keep the funny posts coming 😁
Mind, I have started to doubt that I actually know what 'pillow talk' is, but then saw this. This is what I thought it was, i.e. secrets being revealed in bed (usually by someone who should not BE in the bed !).

We always called that line of hair a 'Crabs Ladder' 🤷‍♂️

Agree. I think it's funny and, whilst I do believe it's true, I'm also happy just to take it at face value and have a laugh. It's also caused a great thread of other stories. Why can't people just have a laugh rather than pick holes and resort to snide remarks?

Anyway. Slightly different but I used to work with a barrister who came in one bitterly cold morning and, during a brief chat with the receptionist, announced that he wished he'd worn underwear that day. He was so mortified that he didn't explain he meant thermal underwear

This is my = 1st favourite Thread. Thanks OP, you've made me a happy woman! I'm sore with laughing.

I work as a dog walker and my son told his teacher I go dogging.

A concerned relative rang me up to check that we were okay. DH had told him we’d been getting food parcels delivered ever since the first lockdown started.

Recipe boxes.

English isn't his first language so he can be forgiven, but my husband is from a country where it's really common to have a weekend cottage and go there every weekend, or... cottaging, right? Right?? No, not cottaging 😄

We come from a military family. My Mum apparently used to tell people her Dad “changes gears on the plane”…he was a Flight Engineer.

My sister told her class in one of those “what do your parents do for work?” sessions, “my dad puts bombs on planes”…he was an Armament Officer 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

English is a total minefield isn't it rofl

My friends husband asked her when she had to go to have the holes put in her nipples to breastfeed.

SURELY he can't have been serious!

CAN he?

😮

NO. That I genuinely cannot believe. Jesus.