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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Coercive control

124 replies

mummybear1994 · 26/05/2022 07:32

Hi,
My manager mentioned coercive control to me at work the other day and I just can't shake the feeling that's what I am experiencing in. Can anyone advise or help?
I feel my partner maybe using tactics to control me.
I never go out with my friends on nights out. I have coffees with friends during the day or play dates but I don't go out drinking with the girls. I guess as I reflect on it, I know he will be grumpy in the days leading up to it and then the days afterwards. He then creates arguments with me too. It makes me not want to go out.
I am going to a hen do soon for three nights. I want to go as some uni mates are going and I haven't seen them for about 15 years. Be strange but good to go. We are going to Dublin. My parents have decided to go on holiday for a week then too with the kids but a different part of Ireland. I have decided to extend my stay whilst over there and spend a night with the children and my parents before flying back mid week. They are then going to stay longer in Ireland and I will fly back. Perfect for the jubilee bank hol weekend being kiddy free (they're my kids not my partner's kids). We will be kiddy free for four nights. Amazing!
My partner does not seem happy for me at all. He has sulked since I told him and won't really talk to me. He doesn't want sex with me and says I am too tired. When I suggested not going the other day he was all loved up and happy but then when I made my mind up he returned to looking annoyed and distant (not making conversation, not hugging, no affection and no sex with lots of excuses).
He went on a stag do for two nights the other month and that was all fine. He didn't get in touch once whilst he was away. I didn't mind at all.
This morning he asked if we have plans bank holiday weekend and I said no, isn't that great, we are kiddy free. He said well I think I am going to take the opportunity to meet up with some mates and go out. I said so you don't have plans, but you're going to make some. He said yes.
I know him, and I know that if this hen do wasn't happening and I wasn't joining my parents for one night before flying back, he wouldn't make these plans. He never goes out or sees his mates. I am glad he is going out and doing things, just the timing seems "off" when we are kiddy free which is so rare especially on a weekend!?
He had an affair two years ago with a work colleague. He was nasty until I found out. I have tried to forgive him, but I feel he is going down a nasty path again....
Sorry to ramble. I just come away from speaking with him feeling awful and deflated....

OP posts:
Cheeseandbiscuits2 · 29/05/2022 07:55

OP I'm so sorry. I was with a man like this for 2 years and stupidly had his child so now tied to him for a very long time. I have left BTW but Co parenting isn't fun.
Anyway my ex did all this stuff to me, it turned me into a different person. He was so good at gaslighring I honestly felt crazy.

Since I've had counselling for 5 years on and off. I realised I was mirroring my parents relationship. I grew up around abuse, thought it was normal. Take a look back at your childhood are you repeating patterns? I would say its not a coincidence you pick these relationships with these men.
When you realise and your eyes are opened it's easy to spot these type of men

Comtesse · 29/05/2022 07:56

IGNORE him. He’s being a massive twat. Can’t believe you didn’t get to see your friends because this low life made you feel bad. He does not have your best interest at heart OP - can you talk to you parents about it today?

Mummadeze · 29/05/2022 07:57

I just wanted to tell you that I have stuck with a partner like this (not advising you to do the same) due to low self esteem, fear of leaving, children together etc. For 15 years I have been made to feel bad for going out. It never changes. I just go and book a sitter and he can’t stop me and it makes him so annoyed. But I refuse to be trapped like a prisoner when he can waltz out of the house anytime he wishes. The atmosphere is always bad before and afterwards, I used to feel guilty, but I no longer care. He has sucked me dry of love. He would also deliberately make me worry by being uncontactable. Anything to make me reconsider going out or away again. If you can get the strength to leave, I would. It is draining and pointless. When I have no plans for a few weeks, he is ten times nicer. It is so weird but I think he can’t help himself.

mummybear1994 · 29/05/2022 07:58

Maybebabyno2 · 29/05/2022 07:44

Hey OP, I have read your updates and just wanted to send love and good wishes. The hardest part is realising you are in a controlling relationship and coming to the decision to leave for you and your children's sake. You have done that now, so just focus on what you need to do and don't be swayed by the love bombing that is about to come your way. They promise they will change, they never do. And once they realise you are gaining some power back, they often get worse.

Keep your head up and look forward, I hope everything works out for you and also hope you enjoy your time away.

Thank you so much. It’s really confusing and I know of my best mate was telling me all this great advise I would feel very frustrated that she wasn’t taking my advice and kept going back into his trap.
I know what I am doing and yet I don’t know why I can’t stop myself trying to people please all the time.
he has replied this morning and told me not to worry about him and just focus on having a good time. Which sound nice on the surface but not a whole hearted loving message. He is too hurt and annoyed to let me enjoy myself. Blinded by this own needs. Selfish.
I just need a good shaking. I have some days away now to relax, reflect and spend time with people who love and care about me and the feelings are reciprocated. I have to say it feels to strange, but it will take me a long time to wind down from the stress of all this. My anxiety is through the roof!

OP posts:
BoDerek · 29/05/2022 08:49

mummybear1994 · 29/05/2022 07:30

Thank you. I won't try and contact him anymore. He's made his feelings clear that he doesn't want to contact me no matter how worried I am or how upset I might be.
I will go back later this week to goodness knows what. Maybe locks changed and an empty house...

What the hell are you worried about?

Vijia · 29/05/2022 08:53

For Christ sake get a grip and stop all the excuses.

Your DC are SUFFERING.

Surely that will stop your single minded pursuit of caring for and trying to please someone who uses and abuses you and is probably having another affair but deflecting it by accusing you?

Just stop! Stop caring for him. Stop spending your waking hours selfishly being consumed by him when you have DC for god's sake and parents and friends who actually LOVE you and CARE for you but you are too selfishly invested in this prick to know or care?

How on earth can you NOT put your DC's needs and interests first?

How can you NOT stick up for them?

He has seriously done a number on you for you to sacrifice your happiness, your DC's happiness and your friends and parents' happiness for you to not care one jot about them and their needs.

Things have got to change op. You should be viewing your partner as a giant cockroach/ leach/ oil slick/ toxic virus.

Keep away. Keep everyone away. Learn to be objective. Focus your loving feelings on your DC, your friends, your parents.

It's scary how your emotions are tied to this uttely abusive man.

You should be happy he doesn't care about you. Relieved he isn't calling and texting you.

Please stop this destructive path op and change your focus onto the ones that matter.

BoDerek · 29/05/2022 08:56

Gotta say I’ve lost patience with you too OP. Endless excuses. Kinda seems like you enjoy the drama.

Thethreecs · 29/05/2022 09:10

You poor thing. I can sympathise with you as like others I went through it too. I experienced it for 6 years. It starts off slowly then it's like a freight train, and speeds up real fast, but by then you're so brainwashed that you can't think straight.

The making you push friends away is usually the start, telling you that you don't need to spend time with them and that time with him will be more fun and all you need, until your friends are gone.

Getting upset and giving the silent treatment if you go anywhere or contact anyone, it gets to the point that you won't bother as seeing him like this and experiencing the silent treatment is not worth it.

My ex could go days banging around and not talking to me if I went out, even work events or friends before I pushed them away he would turn up and stand in a corner staring over watching.

My ex was the big man that everyone loved, life and soul of any party. We'd go to events together and everyone would be bigging him up, he'd be all good humoured and smiling and laughing and I'd let my guard down thinking he's in good form and I'd have an extra drink or I'd speak with someone but no, I'd pay later on and the next few days where he'd tell me I embarrassed him, I was a state and making a show of myself, he'd be so calm talking, not shouting which got in my head more.

I use to have to lie and pretend that I was meeting one of my sister's as he trusted her, I'd go to work events and pretend to see her, I'd have to warn her as he'd ring her questioning it. If I was home any later than midnight he'd be sitting there waiting, I was expecting him to give out but he'd just sit there looking all sad like I'd ruined his life.

I was often accused of cheating, my clothes were always put down I was constantly told that no one would be interested in me because of the state of me. I covered up with polo jumpers, jeans or tracksuits.

I was never allowed to go away, he'd guilt me into not going away, telling me how he'd miss me and I wouldn't miss him and he'd sulk. If I wanted to go away I had to go with him. I missed so many things over the years because of him. He went away, he went to football and stags and nights out, and I'd be contacting him telling him to have a good time. It was before mobiles so I was ringing hotels trying to track him down.

There was so much more which I'm sure you're experiencing, lots of small things that all add up. It sounds like you are realising that this relationship is not normal, this is a good sign. That light bulb moment that you have to leave is empowering. You'll never look back.

Things like houses can easily be sorted, I use to fear my ex would throw my things in the garden, change the locks etc but it's illegal for them to do that, I found all that out when it came to selling the house. It actually ended up straight forward doing this. The only thing I was left with was many issues inside my head, I did get counselling, I should have done more. I still to this day get very down about it all.

Don't worry about another relationship, I jumped right into another one after, and it was toxic, I went for a guy the complete opposite and then wondered if it was me that attracted assholes. I gave myself a decent amount of time out of relationships and it was only when I decided that I never wanted to date again I met my husband.

If there's one piece of advice I can offer is, speak to a family member and tell them everything. It'll be hard but you need to be honest and open and ask them to help you. You can't see how bad he is, you know some of his behaviour is not right. You will realise one day how bad he is. For now reach out and ask someone to help you.

GoodThinkingMax · 29/05/2022 09:17

mummybear1994 · 26/05/2022 07:47

He said my behaviour with the passport, body spray, sneaking in the bathroom, taking my car for a service and not telling him, going to Asda after work etc is all secretive and probably led my ex not to trust me and my ex husband (kids dad) not to want anything to do with the kids because of me

Those are all absolutely normal things for an adult to do.

look at what you wrote about your children. Are you going to continue to put them through that?

Jumpjumpjumper · 29/05/2022 09:22

Been there. Situations slightly different but ultimately dealing with the coercion and gas lighting.

We split (turned out he was cheating anyway). It's taken me 6 years post divorce to start standing up to him. It is SO, SO hard. Even now I'm still "scared" of him.

But, tell your friends and parents. Get support. And reveal in being free - I've loved the last 6 years without him.

FirstAidKitNowPlease · 29/05/2022 09:25

For those being inpatient with the OP, I know many here have walked this same path but it is very difficult to get away from the invisible control he has.
If she's only just had the realisation that he is controlling it takes time to get your head around it and change mindset from allowing him to control.

Eg him crying at airport crap- we can all easily see this was a ploy but when you are right there being emotionally manipulated by it, it's literally controls your thoughts EVERYTHING

OP get some counselling / therapy ASAP. Don't tell him, don't think he might change if you tell him what you are doing and why. He won't.

Honourofgrayskull · 29/05/2022 09:36

I hope you find the strength to get your kids and yourself away from him

mynamesnotMa · 29/05/2022 09:37

The hardest thing is to recognise it and name it many people are ashamed embarrassed to admit they are a victim. So you are ahead of the game.
It's so easy to say leave him and what about the kids though they are right this will be having a massive effect on them.
You must get the support of a women's aid. Look up covert narcissist explains how to handle him and how to get out.
Good luck. Remember it's not you. It's him he's trying to control you in the only way he knows. That's not love. Tell people what hes doing don't cover for him.

Hannahsternrocks · 29/05/2022 09:53

You are very brave and you've come to the right place. Believe all these comments - and take strength from them - they are from bright, independent minded women like yourself who had the tables turns on them to somehow feel they were being unreasonable for their partners bad behaviour.

If you decide to leave you need money and a plan. And lots of support. And to have a clear head not to believe anything he says to you. You must not doubt yourself.

So much luck and hope you are ok - the realisation dawning is painful and hard to take but in the long run, you will be happier for seeing it and refusing to accept this as ok. It really is not ok so kill your spirit.

If I was speaking to a friend I would say this. Protect your head so you can think clearly. Think of him as Voldemort and plan to remove him from your life gently and effectively and permanently when you can bear to. In the meantime, take no notice of what he says to you and stay strong. Tell someone you love and see (your sister) and take it there. Good luck.

Monr0e · 29/05/2022 09:55

You are on holiday with your children. Yet it is still all about the dickhead who makes them walk on eggshells and feel uncomfortable in their own home. About wanting validation from him. Nothing about how you are going to get this arsehole out of their lives so they can enjoy their remaining years of childhood.

You might want a partner but your children do not need this in their lives. And going by your posts, it sounds like this is the second nasty abusive man they have had to live with. Not counting their poor excuse of a father who has chosen not to see them? They must be so hurt and confused at this time. Your focus should 100% be on providing them with the safety and security they need, not just on holiday but in their day to day lives.

Their childhood is so short, do they not deserve peace and happiness in their own home? I'm sure they would love nothing more than for it to be just you and them for once.

wellhelloitsme · 29/05/2022 10:01

Monr0e · 29/05/2022 09:55

You are on holiday with your children. Yet it is still all about the dickhead who makes them walk on eggshells and feel uncomfortable in their own home. About wanting validation from him. Nothing about how you are going to get this arsehole out of their lives so they can enjoy their remaining years of childhood.

You might want a partner but your children do not need this in their lives. And going by your posts, it sounds like this is the second nasty abusive man they have had to live with. Not counting their poor excuse of a father who has chosen not to see them? They must be so hurt and confused at this time. Your focus should 100% be on providing them with the safety and security they need, not just on holiday but in their day to day lives.

Their childhood is so short, do they not deserve peace and happiness in their own home? I'm sure they would love nothing more than for it to be just you and them for once.

It might hurt but you really need to read this and take it on board asap for your kids' sake.

Vijia · 29/05/2022 10:22

You are not the only woman to put the love and concern of an abusive man over and beyond the love and concern for your DC op.

This is the primary reason why children's services are so stretched.

Children get so messed up mentally for life by their mother's poor decisions.

Women unable to put their DC's needs first.

It's tragic and never ending.

FirstAidKitNowPlease · 29/05/2022 11:47

The big plus point here is that the kids aren't his.

Leave him and then you can draw a line and once things are sorted, never have contact again

DamnUserName21 · 29/05/2022 12:35

OP, as the child of such an abusive asshole who ground my mother down (and she still stayed with him!), you are not doing yourself or your children any favours.
Is being alone worse than this? Trust me, it isn't. It's freedom.
For my mother, there was a massive financial element to staying as well as a 'culture' in her family of normalising/accepting abuse.
If you can afford to leave, do so. If you can't, find the money to do so. For yourself, for your children.

www.womensaid.org.uk/

mynamesnotMa · 29/05/2022 12:53

Op speak to a charity thst is a specialist in this. You and your children might not have to leave your home. Thsts what stops many women leaving. The fear of going into a refuge. Its not as simple as that for many especially if you have assets. Gey legal advice get your ducks in a row. Then you will have clarity.

myuterusistryingtokillme · 29/05/2022 13:14

mummybear1994 · 29/05/2022 06:31

Thank you everyone. I think the last post is particularly true. I was vulnerable when I met him after being through abuse before, so I was weak and I just wanted a relationship to work to I let things go:his moodiness when he didn’t get his own way, changing a name of an ex on his phone and then saying he didn’t know how or why that had happened, texting his ex whilst we were in the first year of our relationship and I was going through a miscarriage. I just let all these things go because I do desperately wanted a relationship to work and thought the issue was me.
I let my fella drop me off yesterday. He cried as I left him in the car. I almost didn’t go and even turned Round in the airport twice as I was upset and sad myself to see him that way. We texted yesterday and then his texts stopped at lunchtime out of the blue. I haven’t heard from him since. I couldn’t sleep last night with worry about what I have done now and why he won’t get in touch. Why do I feel this way when on the other hand I am so upset with him?
i am so confused.

He is using every trick in the book and you are falling for it.

He's already got you not to see your uni friends which you were really looking forward to, because he was 'crying' when he dropped you off. Do you see how fucked up that is OP? Do you see how sad it is that his emotions dictate your life?

Then he stops texting to teach you a lesson for going against his wishes, tying you in knots and stopping you enjoying your day. Do you see how fucked up that is OP? Do you see how manipulative he is being?

Darkstar4855 · 29/05/2022 13:19

Classic emotional abuse. You will be 100x better off without him. No woman should have to put up with this sort of shitty behaviour.

leotardrock · 29/05/2022 16:33

Can you talk to your parents while you're away together?

Tell them what's been going on? Ask for their help, even if that is just emotional support!

In your very post you mention that your manager mentioned coercive control, she has obviously picked up on something. Is she someone you can trust to discuss this more & provide some support.

This board is brilliant & full of very knowledgable women but I think you could do with some real life support.

leatherboundbooks · 29/05/2022 16:43

FirstAidKitNowPlease · 29/05/2022 09:25

For those being inpatient with the OP, I know many here have walked this same path but it is very difficult to get away from the invisible control he has.
If she's only just had the realisation that he is controlling it takes time to get your head around it and change mindset from allowing him to control.

Eg him crying at airport crap- we can all easily see this was a ploy but when you are right there being emotionally manipulated by it, it's literally controls your thoughts EVERYTHING

OP get some counselling / therapy ASAP. Don't tell him, don't think he might change if you tell him what you are doing and why. He won't.

This is so true, and it is not terribly helpful for those who are saying leave him right now. OP knows that she needs to do something but one thing that they say on the freedom programme is we don't tell anyone to leave. The time when someone leaves can be a very dangerous time, abuse often ramps up and it makes a lot of sense to get help to do it safely, supported by those agencies that can help. And no not good to miss out with her friends but at the time that seemed the best thing to do. While many of us suggested it would be best to make her way to the airport without him, she couldn't, she is doing what she needs to protect herself and she is having a break away from him. None of us know what he is like, and OP probably knows best how he might behave. Sometimes the best thing seems to be to take time out, do some fact-finding, make plans etc before we can do what we need to do. Things will get worse before they get better with him, and none of us will be there to sit next to OP and hold her hand IRL. In retrospect many of us will wish we'd have done differently when getting ou t of a situation like this, but we do what we can at the time
Would really recommend the freedom programme BTW, it doesn't have to be now it can be when you have got away, or some time in the future, OP you will learn a lot from it

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