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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend reported me for benefit fraud....

173 replies

thisismymomentwithu · 25/05/2022 13:03

Me and my friend "Ana" have been friends for 10 years now,a couple of times I've backed away from her as she did some pretty crappy things (accused ex of hitting her to stop his access but told me it was a lie and many other things ) stupidly I always start hanging out with her and ignoring my better judgement.
I work full time but get help with UC since I split with my partner and my wage isn't great.
When my grandma passed I was left £4,500 and I put it away for when I needed anything.
I always got on well with "Ana's" friends and struck up a friendship with a couple of girls due to our kids being the same age and having similar interests.
Ana wasn't happy and we ended up falling out and our friendship was over (her choice )
After a few months my new friends stopped wanting to meet up as usual,I had a feeling it was because of Ana but didn't want to ask them.
In the mean time I received a letter for a compliance interview.
Attending this interview (via phone call ) I was informed someone reported me for having my ex living with me and working a cash in hand job (neither are true ) and they told me they received a Anon tip off and told me the date (the same day Ana blocked me on everything)
It was all sorted out and no action taken as they realised it wasn't true.
Fast forward two months later and speaking via text to one of my new friends and she kept saying
"Well the people who fleece the system will be getting found out soon and in trouble"
"Has your ex moved back in? Thought I seen him leaving home one morning"
Then she said something about my benefit claim that she must have been told by "Ana "
Lightbulb moment ...it was deffo Ana but my other friends knew and believed her.
I've stopped speaking with everyone now but I'm gutted.

Why wasn't she satisfied with falsely reporting me ..why did she also tell our mutual friends I was doing something she knew I wasn't?
I'm so embarrassed
My kids are in these girls classes at school

OP posts:
Original poster
thisismymomentwithu · 25/05/2022 13:04

Aibu to think this is just evil?

OP posts:
LittleOwl153 · 25/05/2022 13:11

Sadly they are just jealous. Don't be embarrassed you are better off without these people in your life. And if the kids start on your daughters at school report them through the school. Pathetic.

ChaosMoon · 25/05/2022 13:13

That's appalling behaviour. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Original poster
thisismymomentwithu · 25/05/2022 13:13

I've been thinking about switching schools in September but I don't really want to do that.

OP posts:
jugglerofballs · 25/05/2022 13:13

YANBU, that’s really low. But I agree with PP - you are definitely better off without this type of people in your life!
Put it in the fuck it bucket and move on 😎

Circumferences · 25/05/2022 13:13

It's sad to let other believe what you're falsely accused of, if it were me I'd be tempted to try clearing my name and pointing out lies have been told.

SerendipityJane · 25/05/2022 13:13

they told me they received a Anon tip off and told me the date

So not really anonymous at all. Well worth bearing in mind if you are tempted to report anyone for anything.

lassof · 25/05/2022 13:14

Why be embarrassed? How about just telling them 'omg so weird with you saying that about benefit fraud ...I actually got a visit from them ...thank god it was just a malicious call hey, I cried for weeks afterwards, imagine making a false report like that, things are such a struggle for me as a single mum, what kind of evil person would make something like that up etc etc'.
Have a good laugh with it

RunawayPea · 25/05/2022 13:15

What a really really weird thing for Ana to do.

OgdensGoneNutFlake · 25/05/2022 13:15

Other posters are much kinder than me... I'd want revenge but then I'm that sort of person...

Original poster
thisismymomentwithu · 25/05/2022 13:16

I would love to get my own back but what can I do plus I don't want to be low like her.
I'm hoping karma pays her a little visit

OP posts:
RunawayPea · 25/05/2022 13:16

SerendipityJane · 25/05/2022 13:13

they told me they received a Anon tip off and told me the date

So not really anonymous at all. Well worth bearing in mind if you are tempted to report anyone for anything.

It was Ana's own fault it wasn't though as she blocked op on social media and then blabbed to her friends.

Original poster
thisismymomentwithu · 25/05/2022 13:17

Why did she tell our mutual friends?
Wasn't she satisfied with reporting me ..knowing full well I did nothing wrong

OP posts:
TigerRag · 25/05/2022 13:17

Sorry this happened to you. I too have been reported for "not being that disabled". I wish!

I was told that most reports are done by a bitter ex.

I was told that if you keep getting reported and are found not to be committing fraud, they can put a note on your file and not investigate it.

BackOnTheBandWagon · 25/05/2022 13:20

thisismymomentwithu · 25/05/2022 13:17

Why did she tell our mutual friends?
Wasn't she satisfied with reporting me ..knowing full well I did nothing wrong

Because she's a complete arsehole

holdingonfordearlife · 25/05/2022 13:20

Can you at least set the record straight with your friends. Don't go accusing anyone without concrete evidence. But maybe send a private message to each friend
"Hello, I was reported anonymously for bf, and was investigated and found that the claims were false. I've heard there are some rumours flying about, but just wanted to clear that up in case you heard anything"

Testina · 25/05/2022 13:20

I would phone your new “friend” and say, “recently a malicious claim was made - and closed - including that my ex was living here. Perhaps you could tell me who else you have told that you (mistakenly) saw my ex at my house. That would help me to find out who made the malicious claim.”

RealBecca · 25/05/2022 13:21

Honestly find better friends. I wouldn't be surprised if the one dropping hints did it.

Seriously, find new friends. Dont move your child.

If you're really concerned and have good cause to be then considers inform the teacher if they share any classes that their mums have an issue with you and ask that if possible the teacher keeps an eye out in case of bullying or could pair your child with others if it looks like it will become a problem.

Jamdaisy · 25/05/2022 13:22

I personally would meed to say something to your friends - along the lines of “Ana made false repprts about me, utterly ridiculous things like my ex had moved back in and I was working cash in hand. I’ve had to distance myself from her because who would make up such crazy lies”

it’s not just your reputation, it’s your child’s!

Original poster
thisismymomentwithu · 25/05/2022 13:23

I did think of telling my side of it but tbh they wouldn't believe me and they would just side with her anyway (people think the sun shines out of her arse )
And tbh if they thought that low of my anyway..does it matter.
They could of had my back but chose to listen to her.

OP posts:
fallfallfall · 25/05/2022 13:27

The why is jealousy.
the way out is to tell the truth when or if acquaintances make hints: No, X does not live with me, he lives in XYZ town. No, I don’t have a side hustle but I’m good at budgeting. I’ve recently been reviewed, that went well.

catandcoffee · 25/05/2022 13:30

Keep your private business private . Trust no-one but yourself.
In future don't let people treat you badly... walk away at the first instance.

Tulips21 · 25/05/2022 13:31

OgdensGoneNutFlake · 25/05/2022 13:15

Other posters are much kinder than me... I'd want revenge but then I'm that sort of person...

Me too.

I would happily add your 'new friends' in a group chat and outright tell them you believe someone in their circle has maliciously contacted the fraud team and the case was dropped as soon as they realised it was a malicious , false claim made. Also add, you are really upset and dissapointed the way they have all treated you and Hope they arnt ever in a situ where 'friends' are so malicious

Inthesameboatatmo · 25/05/2022 13:36

Circumferences · 25/05/2022 13:13

It's sad to let other believe what you're falsely accused of, if it were me I'd be tempted to try clearing my name and pointing out lies have been told.

@Circumfferences. Exactly. Absolutely no way would I let this slide.

stepuporshutup · 25/05/2022 13:38

SerendipityJane · 25/05/2022 13:13

they told me they received a Anon tip off and told me the date

So not really anonymous at all. Well worth bearing in mind if you are tempted to report anyone for anything.

Yes totally agree with you. And op yes it is spiteful behaviour from so called friends

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