To think this school mum is off?

[propernot]

DS starts reception in Sept. Via a Facebook group I am on I was invited to join a whatsapp group for parents when children starting that school in September.
The mum 'X' who started the group already has 2 children at the school and her third is starting in reception. To my knowledge, she chose to start the group of her free will, presumably because she wanted to, and wasn't forced to do so.

The title of the group is 'school name intake 2022'. But its becoming really obvious that X actually only wanted this to be for school mums. When people said 'can I add my husband/partner' they were told 'not yet due to security reasons', and after a couple of weeks she finally relented and let dads join. X has a notes document which she updates and shares on a regality basis as new people join the group, which has the names of the children and their mum next to them. X says she is too busy to put the dads name on the document as well.

Dads are getting arsey now making passive aggressive comments about 'the March to parental equality' and some are raising that they are SAHD who do all the drop off and pick ups, so if there can only be one named parent on this group then it should be them...

AIBU to say that X is going around this wrong and feel sorry for the dads who are basically being sidelined? And to say that if X is finding the group too onerous to run she can stop?

What benefits are there in having these groups? The school will give you the information you need to know? We managed without any groups - some parents have too much time on their hands.

why wouldn’t this mother realise fathers equally parent their children?

I also think one of you should just say no probs x- I'll set up a group for both parents can anyone who wants to be included let me know.

OMG are you in the same group as me?

It's bloody sad to see the suggestions of "just start a dad's group". Why can't we just all be parents? I'm so glad I live in an EU country where no one bats an eye at a dad turning up to playgroup or being interested in their children's lost jumpers 🙄

What about children with two dads?! A primary WhatsApp group just aimed at mums sounds weird, it's not like it's a breastfeeding support group. There's a mix of sexes on my DC's groups, depending on who the children live with, who does drop offs more, etc.

Sounds like something out of Motherland

If you have time offer to he an admin to help update the list.

It is annoying. Of course dad's should be included.

Tell the dads to start their own group. They’re getting arsey because she isn’t updating a document that she has zero obligation to update? It’s just a WhatsApp group!

This makes no sense. It sounds like it's a group for parents of children starting in yr 7 of that school, not just a mums' chat group. Presumably it's been set up so that parents of those kids can share and ask for useful info etc. Why on earth would fathers be excluded, especially as some of them are doing all the drop-offs and pick-ups? It makes no sense for them to have to go and set up another group because they aren't mothers!

It's just some officious busybody setting up a WhatsApp group, calm down!
His role as a parent is not under any threat. Said busybody has relented on the Dad front anyway...
Storm in a teacup.

This.

people getting so worked up about a WhatsApp group before the children have started doesn’t bode well.

Honestly, no need to bother with class whatsapps. You'll get all the information you need from the school and will be able to just ask your dcs teacher things. Don't get involved with anything that needs a spreadsheet, especially one the creator is now too busy for.

God it's a WhatsApp group everyone needs to get a life. It's not an official school group. If you don't like how it's run leave. Jumpers can be found without WhatsApp.

Yeah, that's crap - what if a child is being brought up by a single Dad, or mum is at work and he's the one who deals with all the school stuff?

Yeah, as if non admittance to the group is going to minimise what's in his pants... 😁

You are not unreasonable to think dad's should be allowed in the group. They should.
You are unreasonable to be making this an equalities issues and feeling sorry for the 'sidelined' men. Men typically do nowhere near their share of small DC related activities and in the main couldn't care less about primary school minutiae. (Yes I'm sure some people's partners are the exception.)
If they want to be in the group they should just point out why it's necessary they're included rather than all this poor discriminated against men nonsense that's become so popular lately.

Are the children banned from talking about that child at home or inviting them to their party?

What exactly is the safeguarding concern?

Quite. So why should it be something that's terrible when it happens to me, but fine for it to happen to him? As I said, it actively perpetuates the idea that because of what's in my pants, I need to be the one to RSVP to a whole class party, regardless of whether I'm even in the country at the time of said party.

This type of discrimination harms women as well as men.

Yes, this sounds ridiculously OTT.

If they want to be in the group they should just point out why it's necessary they're included

They did. As did some of their wives. But the point is that they shouldn't have to!

People on here are simultaneously saying that men are useless and don't do enough, and that they shouldn't complain about not having the tools to be involved with the school that women have.
If you want fathers to be involved with their kids schooling and getting then ready for school in the morning, then you treat them as equal parents. Otherwise you're deliberately setting them up to fail.

It does indeed harm women to assume they have sole responsibility for child related issues. Unfortunately that is not the thrust of the OPs argument. Her concern is for the sidelined men. Its interesting that it takes the perception that men are missing out on something to galvanise people into challenging something harmful to women.

it actively perpetuates the idea that because of what's in my pants, I need to be the one to RSVP to a whole class party, regardless of whether I'm even in the country at the time of said party.

This type of discrimination harms women as well as men

Agree 100%.

That is not my experience at all, ime schools are notoriously poor at making sure everyone has the necessary information and it's not that easy to just ask the teacher

These type of groups can serve a really useful purpose for those who aren't as super organsed and capable as you are

A parent who is struggling to cope can be massively helped by having easy access to everyone else at their fingertips

They'll be privy to all communications from the actual school, though? The WhatsApp groups tend to be for organising play dates and announcing lost jumpers.
Just school gate chatter, really.