To think this school mum is off?

[propernot]

DS starts reception in Sept. Via a Facebook group I am on I was invited to join a whatsapp group for parents when children starting that school in September.
The mum 'X' who started the group already has 2 children at the school and her third is starting in reception. To my knowledge, she chose to start the group of her free will, presumably because she wanted to, and wasn't forced to do so.

The title of the group is 'school name intake 2022'. But its becoming really obvious that X actually only wanted this to be for school mums. When people said 'can I add my husband/partner' they were told 'not yet due to security reasons', and after a couple of weeks she finally relented and let dads join. X has a notes document which she updates and shares on a regality basis as new people join the group, which has the names of the children and their mum next to them. X says she is too busy to put the dads name on the document as well.

Dads are getting arsey now making passive aggressive comments about 'the March to parental equality' and some are raising that they are SAHD who do all the drop off and pick ups, so if there can only be one named parent on this group then it should be them...

AIBU to say that X is going around this wrong and feel sorry for the dads who are basically being sidelined? And to say that if X is finding the group too onerous to run she can stop?

no one is missing out on not being included

But that's all well and good for those who don't want to be in the group.

But there clearly are parents who want to be in But are being blocked.

Or if there are 30 children starting they could have 30 groups because obviously no one is entitled to an opinion other than the person starting the group. Wouldn't that be fun.

We had similar, though not as bad. There were dads on the group, but two of the most regular posters, including the group admin, would always start messages with 'Hello Ladies' or 'Hi Mums' or similar. It really wound me up. I once posted a message saying something like 'there are dads on this group too!' and the offender clearly didn't get my point because she replied as though I had been asking who the dads were, and listed them, then carried on with 'Hello Ladies' in the very next post. Nothing solved it. In the end, it's a question of whether being in the group is more valuable as an asset than the negatives associated with this woman's behaviour.

I don’t understand this comment, can dads not search for jumpers? It would be confusing having 2 parent chats for the same class and finding jumpers would take twice as long. Not all dads are useless and uninvolved, particularly if they do some of the school runs it makes sense for them to join.

Mumsnetters are very quick to criticise dad's who are not involved with their kids schooling or who don't help their kids get ready in the morning. But apparently dad's shouldn't be party to the information that they need in order to do so.

I can only imagine how they'd gossip about the dad who didn't send his kid in with the required money/costume/brushed hair for photos/ " that only the mums on the group were reminded/told about.

I'd leave the group.

To be honest she probably just tried to do something she thought would be helpful and it's all turned to shit.

We have a parents group, mothers & fathers welcome. With the exception of the one SAHD every other dad that had been added has since left.

The only things ours ever seems to have posted is 'what are this weeks spellings?' and 'does anyone have X's jumper?' I really wouldn't feel sorry for them.

Ah when my eldest was in primary there were no watsapp groups. It was bliss! I would just ignore. If I felt strongly about it I would leave.

ugghhh school WhatsApp groups. hate them. Well one kid in my child's class only has his Dad - his mum died 3 years ago. What would she say to that? That this kid can't be represented by a parent in the group? Agree with PP, it all sounds pathetic. So many women just want to use these groups for gossip anyway.

You all sound crackers.

Who can be arsed being involved in shite like this? I managed to get my kids through primary and secondary fully informed without any ridiculous social media groups, as did the entire country when I grew up in the 80s. All it ever does it end up it snarkiness, shit stirring and stropping. There's always a queen bee, there's always a whinger and there's always someone who takes offence. Who wants to add that into their life? Just take your kids to school, exchange some banal chat at the gate and go home. The school will keep you up to date with trips and so on.

I'm bemused that so many Dads are on the warpath (although it's strange that she's barring their entry).
Does anyone really care that much about bloody WhatsApp groups?

Hopeless. These things should just be parents groups. My gay colleague had an experience recently where he was told that in order to join the P1 whatsapp, him and his husband would have to decide "who is mum". In 2022. Fucksake.

If they aren't happy with the group they can leave. It's not compulsory.

What a piece of nonsense they they can’t be added without being on the document.

she’s set her stall out very, very early on as being that parent. The one, and there’s always one, who wants everything done their way.

My DH cares massively about something that minimises his role as a parent because of what he has in his pants.

If there was a group for school rugby team parents and someone said only dads could join because women don't get involved with sport, I'd care a lot as well.

I would advise you to stay the fuck out of this shite.

read the group for useful stuff and never comment on anything

these people are going to be scrapping and bitching for the next 7 years - who is right/wrong is irrelevant - it will be lost.

I thank God that WhatsApp wasn’t a thing when my kids started reception

Lucky dads! 😂

I have managed 15 years so far of being a school mum . Without WhatsApp groups. What is the point ? From what i have seen on here is they just end up with upset and fall outs ect

Good grief.

As to all the posters asking why would those dads care, maybe think back to all the men of the past who said ' why would women want to be pilots/doctors/mechanics anyway?'

It's sexist and exclusionary behaviour by this mum, and as women who have been victims of exclusion in the past, and having fought for change, we should recognise exclusion and sexism when we see it. It's wrong, whichever sex it targets.

I admin a Facebook page for parents in my kids year. Started about this time of year before they all turned up at school. Initially it was mum's only - not through any decision but because mum's added other mum'sI guess and there was no definative 'list'at that point to invite.

Then once the kids got to mid reception year the dads started to appear.

Now mid way through ks2 and it is the same 6 or so mum's looking for jumpers or asking about what the heck the latest request means... dad's seem to have gone quiet.

Our group has been silenced I think by one of the kids mum's becoming a TA and 'helpfully' answering questions from the 'inside' ... so we now know anything said is going straight back to the (irratating) headteacher. Somewhat annoying!

And it propogates the idea of wife work. Why should I have to be the one to ask on a group what this week's spellings were?

The issue is the obvious answer is to start another group, but that's a pretty shit thing to do in terms of relationship with this mum and confusing if not everyone migrates over.

I'm torn on this one because our group has moms and dads and not one dad since September- not one has made a single comment on the group. With the exception of dh who replied "done" after revoluting money for a teachers gift and I refused to message on his behalf. He also had a go at only mums going on the night put and I pointed out that the 200 unread messages on the muted group held the invite

the dads are perfectly free to start a group, no? they rarely do though. Strange, that.

Why does there need to be a dads' group, when there's a perfectly good group there already with the dads in?

My husband does school drop off most days, yet I'm in the mum's WhatsApp group and just have the pass all relevant info onto him. It's tedious