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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to only buy one twin a present?

92 replies

Fruitytoast · 25/05/2022 10:00

The first school birthday party my son has been invited to, and it's a joint party, so not sure of the protocol.

He has come home with an invitation for his friend's birthday party. The friend is a twin. One twin is in his class, the other twin is in the same year group, but a different class. The invitation says along the lines of, 'You are invited to Frankie and Charlie's birthday party' - (names changed).

Do you only buy a present for the twin that is in his class and he plays with? Or do you buy both a present? For context, they're all 7, and I don't have lots of disposable income. Also, how much do you spend on a birthday present these days?

My gut tells me if you just buy a present for the one that's in his class, but I don't want to look like a tight a*se if everybody takes two presents, then my name is mud on the school yard. And for one twin to be upset when their sibling has more presents at the end of the day.

OP posts:
MasterBeth · 25/05/2022 10:02

You have been invited by Frankie. Buy a present for Frankie. They'll both get loads of presents, and the parents from Charlie's class who don't buy Frankie a present will even you out.

Daisy38 · 25/05/2022 10:03

Why don’t you buy something like a board game they can play together? I’ve done that before when my DS was invited to a twin party.

HenBob · 25/05/2022 10:03

If you've been invited to two people's party I would suggest you get a present for each, having attended a twin birthday myself earlier this year, everyone bought them both a gift.

If your short of disposable income, get them both a book from the Works or charity shop and a bag of Haribo. My son just had his 7th birthday and his favourite present was a book and a bag of Haribo, even though it must have been the cheapest. They only want simple things at that age! Xx

ChickensandCows · 25/05/2022 10:04

MasterBeth · 25/05/2022 10:02

You have been invited by Frankie. Buy a present for Frankie. They'll both get loads of presents, and the parents from Charlie's class who don't buy Frankie a present will even you out.

This is correct. My limit is £8 per present including a card. You can get loads for that amount, even a fiver would buy a couple of books and a bag of sweets.

I'd only buy for both twins if he was friends with them both and they were all in the same class.

HenBob · 25/05/2022 10:04

Also @Daisy38 has a good idea to get a joint gift. Argos has lots of affordable board games and puzzles.

TheKeatingFive · 25/05/2022 10:05

Get something they can play with together and stick both their names on it

Daisy38 · 25/05/2022 10:09

Also, Amazon and Tesco both often have offers on for two kids books for around £7 so you could do that. Get two that are similar and they can share and swap once read.

elinoraa · 25/05/2022 10:09

As a mother of twins I'd say you only buy for the child whose class he is in and plays with. Don't get them a joint card or present, I expect a few people will do that - they always do.

My twins prefer to be treated as individuals, and don't like to be lumped together as 'the twins' and all that entails, it happens all the time. I know you're just thinking of politeness and the joint party, but it's unnecessary to buy for them both.

takingmytimeonmyride · 25/05/2022 10:11

As a mum of twins it wouldn't have bothered me if you got a present for the one your child was friends with, or if you got a joint present like a game. Or if you stuck some money in an envelope.

Just do whatever you can afford.

elinoraa · 25/05/2022 10:12

I see you've already been advised to get a joint gift! That's been one of the top annoyances for my girls over the years. They like to be treated as individuals.

Skinterior · 25/05/2022 10:13

We have this - only buy for the friend. No one bats an eyelid.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 25/05/2022 10:14

Just buy for the child he is friends with, and then perhaps a token gift, ie bag of sweets for the twin.

HedgehogintheFog · 25/05/2022 10:18

I would strongly advise against a joint gift. Twins can often struggle with not being treated as individuals. They are already having to share a party, don't make them share a gift too! Just get a gift for the child you know!

Hallyup89 · 25/05/2022 10:19

I'd buy for both. A slightly more expensive present for the twin he plays with, a token present for the other, and a card for each child.

courgettigreensadwater · 25/05/2022 10:19

@PutinIsAWarCriminal I agree. Both with your advice and your user name.

Georgieporgie29 · 25/05/2022 10:21

I would either buy for the twin he is friends with or if you want to buy for both split how much you would pay between them. So if you would spend £10 then £5 each. The book and a bag of Haribo is a good idea.

Mommabear20 · 25/05/2022 10:22

We're having a joint party for our DC this summer (not twins but close birthdays) I wouldn't expect DDs friends to buy for DS, and same in reverse! I think it's greedy for parents to expect everyone to buy for two (unless the child is friends with both!)

Original poster
Fruitytoast · 25/05/2022 10:23

There are a few different opinions, but consensus seems to just buy for the friend? The Works is a great suggestion. I like the idea of the joint gift, but also appreciate what the mums of twins have said, in that they, quite rightly, want to be treated as individuals. I appreciate all the replies, thank you.

OP posts:
MrsFezziwig · 25/05/2022 10:26

My twins prefer to be treated as individuals, and don't like to be lumped together as 'the twins' and all that entails, it happens all the time.

Well since their parents are “lumping them together” by arranging for them to have a shared party, it seems a bit unreasonable for the OP to have to incur extra expense because of their decision.

elinoraa · 25/05/2022 10:27

HedgehogintheFog · 25/05/2022 10:18

I would strongly advise against a joint gift. Twins can often struggle with not being treated as individuals. They are already having to share a party, don't make them share a gift too! Just get a gift for the child you know!

Yes, they'd rather not share a party, but that's tricky given it's the same day. They do have separate birthday cakes, however.

Mine aren't cross about joint gifts or other 'twinisms' as it happens too often, but they're always pleased to be treated as individuals and notice.

elinoraa · 25/05/2022 10:28

MrsFezziwig · 25/05/2022 10:26

My twins prefer to be treated as individuals, and don't like to be lumped together as 'the twins' and all that entails, it happens all the time.

Well since their parents are “lumping them together” by arranging for them to have a shared party, it seems a bit unreasonable for the OP to have to incur extra expense because of their decision.

Yes, they'd rather not share a party, but that's tricky given it's the same day. They do have separate birthday cakes, however.

Discovereads · 25/05/2022 10:31

The invitation says along the lines of, 'You are invited to Frankie and Charlie's birthday party' - (names changed).

I disagree that you’ve been only invited to Frankie’s party. You’ve actually been invited to both Frankie and Charlies’s birthday party. Therefore you should get a gift for each twin.

TheKeatingFive · 25/05/2022 10:31

Personally I'd be more concerned about leaving one out, which is why I suggested a joint gift. But if that's a big issue, then book each sounds like a plan.

StageRage · 25/05/2022 10:36

The only thing I would NOT do is get them a joint gift.

Why do people do this to twins?

LittleOwl153 · 25/05/2022 10:39

I would take the lead from the fact they are in separate classes as an indication that they are treated as individuals. My dd is now in secondary and there are about 5 sets of twins in her year - some are in the same tutor group and spend time together - others are not and you'd have to know them well to know they were even siblings.

In terms of what you get OP only gonwith what you can afford. My kids have ended up with alot of plastic tat after these parties that I feel extremely guilty about disposing of knowing that has been spent but unless you hit it exactly right with a gift it often adds to the bedroom clutter sadly. Books are always a good shout, and sweets appreciated by the kids (if not so much so by the parents!)

But if I had chosen to invite your kid to a party it would be because my kid wanted them there. I would not want you to stretch your budget because you felt your kid couldn't come otherwise.