AIBU to only buy one twin a present?

[Fruitytoast]

The first school birthday party my son has been invited to, and it's a joint party, so not sure of the protocol.

He has come home with an invitation for his friend's birthday party. The friend is a twin. One twin is in his class, the other twin is in the same year group, but a different class. The invitation says along the lines of, 'You are invited to Frankie and Charlie's birthday party' - (names changed).

Do you only buy a present for the twin that is in his class and he plays with? Or do you buy both a present? For context, they're all 7, and I don't have lots of disposable income. Also, how much do you spend on a birthday present these days?

My gut tells me if you just buy a present for the one that's in his class, but I don't want to look like a tight a*se if everybody takes two presents, then my name is mud on the school yard. And for one twin to be upset when their sibling has more presents at the end of the day.

If a party invite was to a and b's party I would feel obliged to buy a present for both. I don't think though that buying a joint present is wrong as if the children don't want to be limited together they shouldn't send out going invites. If they still want a joint party they could just divide the invites so each child invites 30 and any joint friends are just allocated to one or other.

My twins would have hated being given a board game to share.

Get individual cards and a present for Frankie.

I wouldn't expect presents for both if they weren't friends. As it is mine were in the same class (single form entry), they did get a present each because they were both friends with anyone we invited.

Likewise and I think this is really important, they always brought a present each to any party they went to.

My DD's best friend is a twin. They are in different classes so have different sets of friends. They have joint parties (makes sense as their birthday is the same day) but they don't expect 2 gifts, just one for the twin your child is the guest of. My DD went to their party recently. Her BF had 3 guests from her class and her sister had 3 guest from hers.

We bought both of them gifts but DD said that she was the only one who did.

Oh and if you’re stuck, get each child a giant bubble kit which are £3 each at The Works at the moment and always make a great present!

Cards-wise, every so often I buy a box of assorted kids’ birthday cards so I always have inexpensive ones to hand - you can get cheap multipacks of cards on Amazon and they are really handy if your kid is at the “class birthday party” age.

Likewise and I think this is really important, they always brought a present each to any party they went to.

Yes, we do/did the same.

Just buy one

When numerous twins have come to my birthday parties - did they bring a present EACH despite me paying for two places and meals at x party? No. They did not. So buy them a joint present in return. You can't have it both ways

I don't think my two were ever ever bothered by joint presents. They got individual presents from plenty of people. I have even bought them joint presents myself (and they've even shared presents with their brothers)

Yes, they are individuals and we hate when they are called "the twins" but if people are spending their money on them we are not going to complain about what they've kindly bought them.

They weren't that into games, but science stuff was always good (books or experiments they could do together)

I am the parent of twins and always was aware that other parents had this dilemma. One present is fine, or a token present such as a bar of chocolate.

I agree with this- and all the people saying twins would 'hate' being given a present they have to share- time to have a word with yourself and show a bit of gratitude.
These are presents given by friends and acquaintances at a party- I understand that if parents and family involved did it all the time - but shared gifts are common surely? even in families with siblings not twins?
I also find it staggering that parents are allowing twins to 'hate' gifts given by well meaning people who have gone out, spent money and wrapped something only for it to be disregarded as they don't want to share???

Also OP I have lots of kids to buy for throughout the year and this year, I have struggled with money so I have given personalised treat boxes (cardboard gift box from Card Factory with letter stickers on spelling their name) Then as I have done my weekly shops- I've been buying bags of sweets/ multipacks etc and filling them up. Oh my goodness- the response has been the best gift I have ever given - typical, it was also the cheapest! That could work well

I have twins

The invites go out from one twin and never both. Mother is cheeky doing from both.

I would buy for one child not both.

I can understand why the general, joint invitation might be easier, and safer, especially where some friends are friends of both twins, and some are not, and some think they are!

Interesting thread!

I've found the opposite. My kids were friends with two different sets of twins both sets brought a present each

See mine always did take 2 presents on the odd occasion they took one gift it would be the same value as 2 gifts

We had this with triplets. One triplet is awesome and her and DD are great friends. The other two are bullies who bully their sister and DD. We bought a 'proper' present for the nice one and token presents for the other two.

The nice one is less popular so it worked out. I don't know what I would have done if DD was mates with one of the popular triplets!

Th

This thread has made it no easier lol. I hoped there would be a unanimous opinion, but everyone has something different to add. I thought I had made my mind up just to buy the one present (cheaper, and makes the most sense to me as he doesn't interact much with the twin that's not in his class) but I'm afraid the mum of the birthday boys might share the opinion of those of you that say a present each.

Buy one present and label it Happy Birthday Frankie and Billy love from Tom.
It can be a game they can play together. Card game, Dominos, Connect 4, or a jigsaw. MY GC loved a game called Cat Crimes.

FGS stop worrying what other people think of you. That's a really bad role model for your child, damaging to his social confidence and self esteem.

The other two are bullies who bully their sister
Jesus, what a very unhealthy dynamic . Poor kid. And your own dd, of course.

It is sad. Although in this kind of situation IME the black sheep is often more successful that the enmeshed golden child.

Fingers crossed.

The consensus from mums of twins is definitely not a joint present so don't do that.
I would go for a small gift and bag of sweets for friend and a bag of sweets for the twin.
I can imagine that they already have a ton of toys so a book from the works is a great idea.

I find the attitude of 'my twins absolutely must not share a gift and must be treated as individuals' batshit too. What on earth is wrong with a shared board game? sometimes friends of my parents used to buy my brother and me a shared gift, such as a game, at Christmas - and we weren't twins, but we always managed to play it together! The entitlement is staggering.
Presumably those demanding separate gifts for twins also hosted two parties, had two birthday cakes (with a portion from each for guests), and two party bags? No? Thought not.

Presumably those demanding separate gifts for twins also hosted two parties, had two birthday cakes (with a portion from each for guests), and two party bags? No? Thought not.

Given you're keen on the word 'batshit'. I think that batshit more than amply describes the above scenario you've come up with:

Two separate parties for two same age children, on the same day, where some friends are joint, and family certainly is. Ridiculous!

Two birthday cakes were supplied, and guests were not expected to buy both twins a present. Some bought a joint gift, some one each, or a token gift of a pack of sweets, for example, for the twin they weren't in a class with and did not know. All politely, and gratefully, received.

It's not entitled to expect twins to be treated as individuals.

Yes but it is more than entitled not to accept a gift, any gift, without grace and thanks. That includes shared gifts such as a very reasonable board game. Please do enlighten me as to what is so insulting about two siblings sharing a gift like that?

Do read posts properly, please. I'll copy it in again for you:

Two birthday cakes were supplied, and guests were not expected to buy both twins a present. Some bought a joint gift, some one each, or a token gift of a pack of sweets, for example, for the twin they weren't in a class with and did not know. All politely, and gratefully, received.

1 present. The kids are even in seperate classes. A twin is not 1 entity.