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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to only buy one twin a present?

92 replies

Fruitytoast · 25/05/2022 10:00

The first school birthday party my son has been invited to, and it's a joint party, so not sure of the protocol.

He has come home with an invitation for his friend's birthday party. The friend is a twin. One twin is in his class, the other twin is in the same year group, but a different class. The invitation says along the lines of, 'You are invited to Frankie and Charlie's birthday party' - (names changed).

Do you only buy a present for the twin that is in his class and he plays with? Or do you buy both a present? For context, they're all 7, and I don't have lots of disposable income. Also, how much do you spend on a birthday present these days?

My gut tells me if you just buy a present for the one that's in his class, but I don't want to look like a tight a*se if everybody takes two presents, then my name is mud on the school yard. And for one twin to be upset when their sibling has more presents at the end of the day.

OP posts:

ThinWomansBrain · 25/05/2022 16:19

I'd buy a token gift for the twin your child know less well - I used to buy sticker books of ra friends children that always went down well, usually from a poundshop. Not a b'day gift - it just kept them occupied so that I could chat with my friend.

Lipsandlashes · 25/05/2022 16:30

elinoraa · 25/05/2022 16:14

Do read posts properly, please. I'll copy it in again for you:

Two birthday cakes were supplied, and guests were not expected to buy both twins a present. Some bought a joint gift, some one each, or a token gift of a pack of sweets, for example, for the twin they weren't in a class with and did not know. All politely, and gratefully, received.

Ah yes. Please do accept my apologies. I must have become very confused by this earlier post, which didn't sound particularly grateful.
elinoraa
I see you've already been advised to get a joint gift! That's been one of the top annoyances for my girls over the years. They like to be treated as individuals.

Anyway; still waiting for an answer as to why a joint gift, such as a board game, is such an insult to twins.

elinoraa · 25/05/2022 16:35

Anyway; still waiting for an answer as to why a joint gift, such as a board game, is such an insult to twins.

I didn't use the word insult, so I can't answer that.

Apology accepted. Probably better to read posts properly in future before replying.

Johnnysgirl · 25/05/2022 16:39

Marvellousmadness · 25/05/2022 16:15

1 present. The kids are even in seperate classes. A twin is not 1 entity.

A twin is not 1 entity
Exactly, they're two separate people. So... a present each, no?

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 25/05/2022 17:06

Id get a board game and a chocolate bar each. Or a pack of top trumps/uno or something each

Onlywomengivebirth · 25/05/2022 17:09

I have twins. Joint gifts, such as board games and bat/ ball type presents were always well received.

maybe it’s because they are boy/girl and less likely to be treated a unit.

Bournetilly · 25/05/2022 17:14

Just buy a present for the twin your child is friends with, if your child doesn’t even know the other twin then why would he buy a present.
If you really wanted to get something for the other child just a chocolate bar or something small for £1.
They will end up with so many presents anyway.
I think it was cheeky of her to word the invite like that.

backgroundingo · 25/05/2022 22:40

DSGR · 25/05/2022 10:46

You’ve been invited to a party for TWO children. It’s two presents. Just law each one £5-£7?

I'd say this. My Ds recently went to a joint party and didn't even know the other child. We still got them a gift. A variation of the gift the friend received.

A book and sweets is a great idea !

Fortunefavoursthebrave · 25/05/2022 22:47

As a twin mum I'd say just buy the one gift. No need for joint gifts

birdglasspen · 25/05/2022 23:01

When I’ve had a party for my son I’ve asked for NO presents, I can’t think of anything worse they already have so many toys, I throw a party so the kids can all have a fun time not to get more presents! Just take a birthday card! I am a twin I don’t remember caring if presents were shared or not and I thought the twin card we got once was cool ! 😂

Threetulips · 26/05/2022 00:13

The entitlement is staggering.
Presumably those demanding separate gifts for twins also hosted two parties, had two birthday cakes (with a portion from each for guests), and two party bags? No? Thought not

Yes I did two parties, two cakes and two separate invitations, they picked different weekends, plus a family one on the actually day - with more cake! every year bar one -

That year they each invited their own friends and received gifts from their own friends. They didn’t expect two gifts.

One party and two gifts is too much for other families.

That one was the end of year 6 and we had so many people come, with extras - they loved it. They had not expectations of extra gifts

AloyNoraWarrior · 26/05/2022 00:41

I am a twin and my twin and I never had a problem with a joint gift. We would’ve loved a game we could play together but then we do both love playing board games and still do often. We’ve never minded sharing. We still share a birthday cake together every year!

Sub1required · 26/05/2022 01:18

Google spiderman scratch art. 1 book each plus a bag of chocolate each.
One if the best presents my son got after a noisy party and kept him entertained and calmed him down. He's gone back multiple times since.

FlowerArranger · 26/05/2022 01:32

I wouldn't overthink this.
Main present for child in his class, token present for his brother.
Or a truly joint present, i.e. something they can both play together at the same time, such as a boardgame or table tennis kit, etc.
Or 2 similar presents.
Also, good quality charity shop finds in nearly new condition are absolutely fine.

Vikinga · 26/05/2022 01:33

One of my kids was invited to a joint birthday party. We only knew one child so got a proper present for his friend and a little token for the other child.

Two of my kids have their birthday a day apart so had joint birthday parties when they were younger. I neither wanted nor expected a present each. I avoided people thinking they had to bring something by having 2 sets of invitations.

As a parent to 4 kids, I was inundated with toys and plastic. It is such a waste.

Smileandtheworldsmileswithyou · 26/05/2022 03:19

I always get both the twins a present.

Threetulips · 26/05/2022 20:43

I always get both the twins a present

There really is no need.

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