To wonder why people on here have suddenly become so horrible to each other?!

[whyyougottabeanonymous]

I have been following a few different threads over the last couple of weeks and one thing that has really stood out to me is how people on here speak to and treat eachother!

I know we have always had a few regular antagonists but it seems like on the majority of posts people are being completely torn to shreds over things, being put down, being called names.

Since when did mumsnet become like this?!

I think it is such a shame to have some a toxic and negative environment being created by some of the users on here when people come on here to genuinely ask for help at times.

I'm fairly new on here and was shocked to see how toxic some posters are.

The worst people are those who just post an insult rather than contribute anything to the debate .

In reality though I wouldn't mix with those people in RL but on a forum you can't avoid them.

This is PAAT so will keep it vague but that’s not really a representation of what the poster was saying and those people offering some context we’re doing the equivalent of the ‘get a grip’ I mentioned upthread. This can be far more helpful than the ‘U OK hun’ing that happens.

The posts I saw weren’t aggressive but might have felt confronting and that’s not always a bad thing.

You definitely know how a thread is going to go if one of the first posters is one of MN's resident bastards. The usual suspects pop up on nearly every thread

This. If one if those people who think it's witty to post the "you seem like hard work " type comments, then they all pile on.

I've been on and off MN for donkey's years. AIBU has always been robust, but it's spilled over into lots of other categories now.
I actually worry about some people who post in a vulnerable state, many replies indicate they haven't read the pps updates (and there's no excuse for this, it's easy to click and read all the pp's posts) and just keep putting the boot in. It's horrible to see and must deter others from asking for advice. It's just bullying, and nothing more. You can suggest someone looks at a situation a different way, if you think a pp is wrong, but there's no need to tear them to shreds.

There are millions of users - it's possible random people come in for fun to wind people up.

I think some people pile on and use MN cliches just because.

I also think there are some batshit posts created and sometimes the OP is so deluded it’s hard for people to not ‘shout’.

MN is toxic at least in parts.

I think lots of people have a nasty side and enjoy sticking the boot in, and that’s it. People definitely lose sight of the fact that the op is a person.

I think there has been a flux of bots on the save big dog campaign who have stirred things up. I've been her about 13 years and it's changed over the years but noticeably now.

Seems to me that lots of people don't understand the difference between being frank and honest and downright rude and personal.

Also, some people don't get the difference between what you can reasonably say person-to-person, with accompanying tone of voice, facial expression and gestures - which might soften the message. Their messages often come over as blunt and crude.

Surely we don't need the personal insult so often found on here: 'You sound nasty/vile/horrible'. A pointless, subjective remark which says more about the person responding than the OP.

Surely we don't need the personal insult so often found on here: 'You sound nasty/vile/horrible'. A pointless, subjective remark which says more about the person responding than the OP

Yes, this is the thing I don't like. As I said further up, you're allowed to disagree, but you don't post personal insults.

Think it depends which boards you post on.
AIBU is the one with the nastiest comments whereas SN and bereavement board everyone is supportive and kind
some people do put controversial OP To spark reactions

Hard to be objective, innit? Obviously I'd say no but I do enjoy the robust debate on here. I didn't go and cry in a corner because it's pretty obvious how things work here.
As many PPs have pointed out - threads about "why is MN so horrible" are very very regular. I have been on here for 10+ years and I don't think it's any worse. If you are the kind of person who says things like "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything" AIBU probably won't suit you - but I am afraid I despise people like that - we can and should call out people like Jimmy Savile and Boris Johnson for their behaviour, lies and deceit - being "nice" won't stop bad people doing bad things.

I agree with op. I’ve not been on mumsnet for several months and I am honestly shocked at the way people are speaking to one another having just come back.

It's been like this since I've been on here, so about 10 years. I'm not sure whether some posters come on here looking for an argument or generally wanting to offload their shit onto someone else, but it's common for posters to only read the OP's 1st post then latch on to any what they see as faults. It could be a phrase, which the OP then retracts, rewords, or explains, but it never matters. These lazy posters won't read OP's explainations or other posts. That irritates the hell out of me.

I had a regular poster say awful things about and the circumstances during lockdown, when my Nan died.
MNHQ deleted immediately and offered an apology when i reported it.

ime this forum is very well moderated.

I'd say about 15 years ago.

There's an element which thinks being honest and frank equates to rudeness, though. They don't seem to be able to express opinions without making it very personal and spiteful - even resorting to playground name-calling sometimes (eg the poster above who got called a c*). You can say 'I think you made the wrong decision there and you should do a, b or c' for example. You don't have to insult anyone or judge them to be 'vile'.

Same sort of people who can't distinguish between a discussion and a heated argument.

I agree. I came on herevyears ago when in v bad place during menopause. Got ripped to shreds. Didn't come back. Post menopausal now and couldn't care less if people are nasty to me You've got to not care on here. But I always post replies remembering that bad place I was in and ops might be same way.

I’m generally able to shake it off but some obsessive followed me round for ages. Miserable they were.

Tg the worst seem to have gone

Agree with you. And what's the hide button?! I need that!!

It’s all bullshit. They wouldn’t have the balls to say half they shit they do on here to someone’s face in real life. Absolute cowards who mouth off at people because they know there’s no real life risk of comeback.

MN was always robust. It has fallen with the general shift of more polarised tribal debate with a loss of nuanced centre-ground discussion, but is still a decent corner of the internet. There are trolls and goady fuckers, and probably more than there once was, but the majority will offer straight advice without sugarcoating.

It is less sweary than it once was.

There are phases of shift, posters coming in en-masse when other sites change, penis beaker type threads, political changes... It normally settles back to something recognisably normal a few weeks later.

It's certainly calmed down compared to spring 2020! (OK that one took about 15 months to unclench but it was extenuating circumstances!)

This again.

People wouldn't pull the stunts they do in their cars if we were face to face - it's horses for courses that's how it works. There wouldn't be much point in AIBU if it was exactly like a face-to-face debate.

@daimbarsatemydogsbone AIBU is a cesspit, always has been, people should be prepared for that if they’ve been here a while.
Other areas are not AIBU and yet users still treat and talk to people like shit when they wouldn’t have the balls to do it face to face. I’m sure there’s something in MN rules about not saying stuff you wouldn’t say is r/l but people do it all the time and then try and justify it as being ‘forthright’ and ‘straight talking’ in actual fact they’re usually just people who are angry with life and want to take that out on others from a place of safety.

I have found myself drawing back from posting on a thread to disagree with a point because I notice that the go-to response for a lot of posters if someone disagrees is to be aggressive, sarcastic or accuse you of saying things you didn’t. I abandoned one old username after a pile-on that really got to me. A little gang distorting what I was saying and slapping each other on the back for being so hilarious. Pathetic, but also made me feel shit.

Can’t say I’ve noticed it getting worse though. One of my first experiences of MN was a thread where someone was upset about a relatively trivial matter and one poster got stuck into them because they were going through a genuinely difficult time (bereavement iirc). Understandable wrt that poster, but a swarm descended with shitty, smug comments about how op had nothing to complain about in comparison with this other poster. Something you could say about most AIBUs.

MN was always robust. It has fallen with the general shift of more polarised tribal debate with a loss of nuanced centre-ground discussion,
I think that’s the problem.