To wonder why people on here have suddenly become so horrible to each other?!

[whyyougottabeanonymous]

I have been following a few different threads over the last couple of weeks and one thing that has really stood out to me is how people on here speak to and treat eachother!

I know we have always had a few regular antagonists but it seems like on the majority of posts people are being completely torn to shreds over things, being put down, being called names.

Since when did mumsnet become like this?!

I think it is such a shame to have some a toxic and negative environment being created by some of the users on here when people come on here to genuinely ask for help at times.

Strange isn't it? I often wonder if people posting nasty comments ever feel guilty afterwards about the effect those comments may have on the person they're targeting, I guess not or they wouldn't do it in the first place, I just don't understand why some people can't give their opinion without being absolutely vile?🤔

What I’ve noticed is that a lot of the really well informed, intelligent posters seem to have disappeared. The quality of discussion has suffered as a result.
There has definitely been an increase in the number of goady threads which are often clearly just made up.
I do think there is a lot more aggression and less tolerance, and the subject matter of threads much less interesting and more trivial.

People are really rude, compared to how it was (I've been here 18 years)

Lots of snide comments, unhelpful remarks, pile ons, nastiness

Sometimes I don't even bother commenting

What I will say has improved IMO is it is not as clique based as it once was. There used to be a "golden circle" of posters that everyone was expected to fawn over and agree with. That seems to have gone at least.

The best and kindest advice I've ever had was given on MN a few months ago (under a name change). There were pages and pages of useful and compassionate comments from people I felt really understood. I know MN can be spiky at times, but to flip it, it also really got me through some terrible times.

It is a field of buttercups and daisies compared to the 'old days' I haven't seen a pile on for a very very long time. I think it has become nicer if anything.
Most people want to help and be supportive. We also appreciate honesty and being direct too, some may be too direct for your tastes. Overall a serious thread about an important topic will see the most support, information and help the op could possibly hope to have, I have seen the very best of humanity on these boards.

So YABU for not being more balanced.

I think it’s just people will say exactly what they think. I remember coming over many years ago from another forum not nethuns who where shocked at the vipers of aibu I stuck around and left that forum.

True. That was ages ago but it was worse

It's always been like this as well you know.

I'd much rather have straight talking than oh hun this and xx that. We're adults, not 8 year olds.

I'm saying YABU, because people have not 'suddenly' started being like this. Been like this for aaaaages!

Because there are lots of huns now and they don't like intelligent knowledgeable women. They prefer the "ooh men don't see dirt, what are they like giggle giggle" style of thread.

Saw this thread, (or similar!) Full of

• you know you'll need to sell the house and move out to give her what she's owed.

-you know she's entitled to half your pension -you know you can't stop her coming into the house when she wants -you know she could still claim maintenance -I can't believe your doing this to her.... And so on ad nauseum, despite op saying the DW was choosing to leave, didn't want custody, he must still be an evil, horrible bastard and the DW was a faultless victim!

Have noticed that Gransnet is generally gentler and kinder than on Mumsnet. However, of course this is not always the case.

Oh god yes 100% those posters would join a thread and everyone falling over themselves to agree

I think there is a difference between disagreeing and saying why, even if it isn’t what someone wants to hear, and being rude. You do see quite a bit of rudeness imo.

Yeah, on some threads it can feel like “robust” comments will be useful to OP but sometimes I read a thread and just think what is the fucking point of this, OP is clearly just going to end up feeling totally shit. Threads where those replying seem overinvested are the worst, can’t be helping them and definitely not the OP.

Okay, I posted an AIBU last weekend and MN gave me an absolute kicking. I spent about 2 hours thinking how horrible everyone was and then the penny dropped - they were right. It took the direct honesty to get the message into my thick head.

I have to be honest, tough talk worked for me.

Not this shit again.

Agreed - I got called a cunt once and I am still here - I love it.

I've been on here for years OP but I've noticed in recent months a general change in tone. AIBU has always been erm..... rather robust. However I don't know, recently there seems to be a lot of vindictiveness. Sometimes in the past a thread would start to become a bun fight but there were always a couple of calm eminently sensible posters who would write such a reasoned response it could almost pour oil on troubled waters (I remember fizzygreenwater particularly). I just feel like I'm seeing that less these days.

😂 did you deserve it?

That was to @daimbarsatemydogsbone

I've definitely noticed this too over the last 2-4 weeks @whyyougottabeanonymous . Definitely people's emotions seem to be running high and the use of curt, short tempered words/sentences has increased.

I saw a thread with a woman in bits, over what was a very sad and unfulfilling relationship that was clearly coming to an end (I think the thread name was traumatised by engagement.) Some of the posters who replied tore her to shreds that she claims to feel trauma over a relationship ending.

So yes I agree with you OP. Mumsnet is even nastier than usual.

I think it can happen on quite emotive posts but I'd say that always been the case.