To think that this exchange was fundamentally sexist

[CaptainBeakyandhisband]

I’ve just got home from the gym after doing the school run (I have a rare morning off). I was just putting the key in the door and the chap who lives at the bottom of the street was walking past with his dog. I smiled and said hello because I know who he is and the conversation went a little like this:

Man: oh I don’t suppose you’d like to come and be our home help?
Me: I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that
Man: (a little less convincing) we are looking for a home help, would you be interested?
Me: um, well, I work full time so I think I’d struggle to be honest
Man: I see, well, it’s just that our daughter has moved home with her dog and it’s all a bit chaotic and messy and we could really do with someone to help out a few hours a week
Me: riiiight
Man: it’s just that you have such a nice smile, I thought maybe you would be interested
Me: blinks
Man: so if you hear of someone, maybe you could let me know?
Me: sure, good luck with that!

there is no way he would have asked a man that question. It’s very presumptuous that I even have the time to do something like that. And (although I’ll be slated), it’s a pretty nice, affluent area, it’s not likely that any of the neighbours are struggling, or if they are it wouldn’t be the kind of struggle that a few hours sorting his house out would be able to help with.

I’ll have to go and pick my jaw up off the floor now … but that was totally sexist right?!

Society is sexist, it's a reasonable bet that this was a sexist interaction - esp when you read OP's updates about this man.

Or do you believe that catcalling & wolf whistling isn't sexist, @Same1977 , unless you see a detaled analysis of a questionnaire asking the catcallers if they also do it to men?

I wouldnt even disturb a cleaner in an obvious uniform when working. Who the fuck does he think he is? I say good lady will you come and give the valuables a dusting theres a tenner in it for you! What a tit.

@Same1977
I think you're playing with me now and I bet you studied Sociology at some point.just a guess
If you need me to explain what the reaction would have been if he'd said "Would you like to work for me...you have a nice smile ?" To any bloke from any walk of life you're definitely on another planet.
He didn't because he wouldn't.

Of course it was sexist. Of course Britain is sexist. Of course the jobs we can do are determined by our sex first, and then by wealth. Do you mean you have been having ideas above your station you disgusting slag?
(Excuse the name calling as it was for illustrative purposes only).

Oh yes, because females have to be nice above all. So vital.

The "lovely smile" comment is to flatter you into doing it. Am sure he believes you are absolutely delighted that he paid you a nice compliment. After all we women are just standing around, not working, waiting for charming men to comment on how lovely we look. Just like Bridgerton.

Got to be time for this

I actually think this is one of the more dangerous habits we have as a society - we view older men as nice and non threatening, and I’m sure some (many) of them are. But some of them also have to be bastards who have done some awful things in their time. Just by laws of averages.

As for this chap - not especially old, not elderly, mid 70s perhaps? And actually just a bit of a nob with outdated views.

@CaptainBeakyandhisband ”I actually think this is one of the more dangerous habits we have as a society - we view older men as nice and non threatening”
I agree, and there’s also the tendency to see them as “confused” due to their age rather than malicious or offensive, and I think some of them know that and use it. I’ve had more than one switch on a confused “little old me” look when called out.

Maybe he was senile OP? Why would anyone think a random woman in the street would be looking for a job as their home help? So weird.

Spot on OP we need to always view elderly people as equals and not written out of society and that goes in every way.
They are just like the rest of society and include :
Lovely beautiful kind people
Peodophiles
Vulnerable
Lonely
Rapists
Abused
Abuser
They're not a different species they can be any of these.

@Same1977
Same1977

It is very weird. You cannot know if it is sexist unless you know he hasn't asked a man the same thing.

Don't be so utterly ludicrous. Of COURSE he has never asked a man the same thing. And he never would.

@KarenLovesRosario havent seen the ladies know your place video for ages. Thanks for the chuckle

you've nailed it there. It's totally redolent of women are support humans thinking. I, as a man (lord of the manor), find myself in need of a support human. You as a support person appear to have spare time. Would you be interested in being my support human?

But he already has two women support people in his own house. Can’t they keep the place clean?!

They are related to him Beaky - so are probably Too Refined.
.
Whereas you - uppity parvenue, with your unlikely PhD & insufficient renovation budget, are clearly the sort who can be expected to take on the 'rough work' of a common housemaid.

Ugh! He knows fine well you’re not a cleaner & probably knows that you work from home too.
Think it’s more of the same behaviour you mention
I’ve lost count of the number of times both he and his wife have asserted that they considered buying our house (and selling theirs which is smaller) but would have needed to spend double our renovation budget in order to make it habitable

Putting you in your place, displaying his superiority over you, subjugating you & suggesting you work for him in a menial role. And to be flattered you’ve been chosen by him bcos your nice smile.
Vile!!!!!

Well I have another unexpected late morning tomorrow (I am fulfilling my civic duty so am
not at work this week). I might go for a swim and see what happens after that!

I hope you wear a housecoat to travel from your door to your car or bus stop tomorrow OP.
You'll need to 'dress for success' in case another loopy entitled wannabe toff random man makes you a tempting job offer.

Ooh good idea! Let me see where I can get one 🤣