To think that this exchange was fundamentally sexist

[CaptainBeakyandhisband]

I’ve just got home from the gym after doing the school run (I have a rare morning off). I was just putting the key in the door and the chap who lives at the bottom of the street was walking past with his dog. I smiled and said hello because I know who he is and the conversation went a little like this:

Man: oh I don’t suppose you’d like to come and be our home help?
Me: I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that
Man: (a little less convincing) we are looking for a home help, would you be interested?
Me: um, well, I work full time so I think I’d struggle to be honest
Man: I see, well, it’s just that our daughter has moved home with her dog and it’s all a bit chaotic and messy and we could really do with someone to help out a few hours a week
Me: riiiight
Man: it’s just that you have such a nice smile, I thought maybe you would be interested
Me: blinks
Man: so if you hear of someone, maybe you could let me know?
Me: sure, good luck with that!

there is no way he would have asked a man that question. It’s very presumptuous that I even have the time to do something like that. And (although I’ll be slated), it’s a pretty nice, affluent area, it’s not likely that any of the neighbours are struggling, or if they are it wouldn’t be the kind of struggle that a few hours sorting his house out would be able to help with.

I’ll have to go and pick my jaw up off the floor now … but that was totally sexist right?!

Driving not drobing

EmmaH2022, that is a really good response with the dying remarks.

I think he didn't recognise you and assumed that you were the nanny / home help and was trying to poach you.

Thanks for understanding @OhNoWhatYouGonnaDo. It’s always a massive MN faux pas to appear entitled based on qualifications, but surely it’s ok to understand and be aware of what your skills command on the jobs market. DH said I should have just given him my chargeable day rate. But I think the people suggesting he didn’t recognise me or thought I might want pin money are right.

YANBU. Pretty sexist and rude and weird. Sadly, not a surprise.

I was in our garden around 5pm one afternoon 2 weeks ago, weeding, digging, and planting some flowers, and the man who lives next door but one, said 'shouldn't you be in the house cooking your hubby's evening meal? heh heh heh...' I said 'no I'm busy gardening, HE is cooking dinner. He said' well I never heard the likes of it.' and walked off.

He's in his mid 50s.

I can't even get my head around how and why anyone still has this attitude in 2022, least of all someone who is only in his mid 50s. Even so, men who are a generation older should know better.

I was actually fuming for about a week. I thought 'you absolute cheeky fucking arsehole.' I'm a professional, educated woman who earns more than my husband! The rage I felt was intense!

I'm amazed anyone is still talking to him.

the building perv is bad enough. Most people just walk past him. I can't imagine your neighbour not getting told to fuck off.

What an arse! Definitely sexist.

Reminds me of a neighbour I met a few years ago. Had to drop something round to him and was with DH. He was mostly chatting to DH as they had a hobby in common then his attempt to engage me in the conversation was: "so... what do you do then? Are you a housewife?"

I swear I saw DH take a step back to brace for the explosion...! (Nothing against SAHMs at all - it was the presumption that as I am female I obviously had no possible other option).

I put him in his place by telling him all about my successful £1m turnover business with 20 employees and he's barely spoken to me since. What a shame.

Yes seems like he assumed a woman would have spare time as they did in his day.

Could have told him about the wonder of cleaning agencies. He'll be made up!

DH said I should have just given him my chargeable day rate.

I was with DH before you even posted this update, & if neighbour ever, EVER alludes to HousekeepingGate again, I think you should present him with a near-thesis length proposal with your day rate neatly annotated at the end.

@PurpleButterflyWings
Yeah fuming rightly so and in his fifties?
Was he a time traveller ?
There's still many out there I live in a very rural area and I still occasionally come across men in their twenties from the farming community that have been brought up to believe work stops when you get in the door.
Then some poor woman ends up with a big man baby. Some of them are very strong minded young women too.
Sod that.

*work stops FOR MEN when you get in the door.

how on earth is OP saying ‘I have a PhD’ judgemental??
sounds like jealously or it’s your insecurities speaking there

Same. I'll smile back when appropriate and if I want to. Otherwise they get a blank look from me. Or if they're being rude, an icy death stare before I turn away in obvious disgust. Then again I'm no longer a youngling and decided long ago not to take their shit.
My response to idiot neighbour would be a deep puzzled frown and a loud "WHAT?" If he repeated his kind job offer he would have got "No. I'm a chartered surveyor (or whatever), I don't want to clean your house. Goodbye".

Would he have asked a man to be his home help? Would he have said the man has a nice smile? If not, it's sexism.

I don't think thats sexist. He's looking for a home help. He has asked if you are interested or do you know someone that might be? You seemed friendly

I'm interested @maddy68 - would YOU ever stop a random male neighbour as he went into his house, & ask him if he will come & clean for you?

Forget about sexist, the guy's a proper weirdo. Who stops some random neighbour and asks them if they want to clean their house?

@SparklyLeprechaun
Also because they had a nice smile 😳

It is very weird.You cannot know if it is sexist unless you know he hasn't asked a man the same thing.

@Same1977
You think it's possible he's told a man he has a nice smile and does he want to come and work for him ?

Maybe he has ?You are.talking about someone who has approached a stranger with this offer...unless you 100 percent know this hasn't happened then you cannot say it is sexist.

Get a grip for goodness sake. Zero big deal, not even a tiny deal.

87% of people disagree with you 🕵

I think I’d have asked somewhat acidly why the daughter who’s moved back can’t do it!

This sounds more creepy than sexist to me - very odd!

I'm imagining at really old and confused man

This would make me cross too