To think that this exchange was fundamentally sexist

[CaptainBeakyandhisband]

I’ve just got home from the gym after doing the school run (I have a rare morning off). I was just putting the key in the door and the chap who lives at the bottom of the street was walking past with his dog. I smiled and said hello because I know who he is and the conversation went a little like this:

Man: oh I don’t suppose you’d like to come and be our home help?
Me: I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that
Man: (a little less convincing) we are looking for a home help, would you be interested?
Me: um, well, I work full time so I think I’d struggle to be honest
Man: I see, well, it’s just that our daughter has moved home with her dog and it’s all a bit chaotic and messy and we could really do with someone to help out a few hours a week
Me: riiiight
Man: it’s just that you have such a nice smile, I thought maybe you would be interested
Me: blinks
Man: so if you hear of someone, maybe you could let me know?
Me: sure, good luck with that!

there is no way he would have asked a man that question. It’s very presumptuous that I even have the time to do something like that. And (although I’ll be slated), it’s a pretty nice, affluent area, it’s not likely that any of the neighbours are struggling, or if they are it wouldn’t be the kind of struggle that a few hours sorting his house out would be able to help with.

I’ll have to go and pick my jaw up off the floor now … but that was totally sexist right?!

Definitely sexist, my neighbour in his 80's has asked similar of me as I wfh in Data protection/cyber security and he thought I was a 'lady of leisure' in his words. My DH is lucky to have me as he has someone to clean the house!🙄 He also has said I should sunbathe in my bikini on the garage roof like he does, turned it in to this hideous shanty town style terrace which my Architect husband is continually upset by! When I protested and humoured him I.e no, no I wouldn't want to do that, he told me not to.worry about looking 'dumpy' some men like that.

@Goldenbear

Oh FFS that's just arghhhh !

I'm going to have to leave this thread now before I explode .

Do you not have to tidy up or clean anything in your own home if you have a phd?

Presumably just not tidy up and clean up after random neighbours, which is a bit different.

It weird what ever is going thro his head! I'm not entirely sure it's sexist but it most certainly is weird!! But 100% weird

I also think he decided you were a cleaner because you are female.

Yes you have met before but he probably can’t actually see women as people, he probably sees a female shape letting herself into a house in the morning and presumes she is a cleaner. Because he’s a massive dick.

If my neighbour said that, I'd assume they were joking at the expense of their DD being messy. Your neighbours are odd.

Ignoring the bikini comment which I simply have no words about, you have highlighted something interesting that I have noticed as well in the recent years when the remote working became the norm.

If a man is at home during the week, it is generally expected that he is working from home. But a woman would frequently be assumed to be a 'lady of leisure', for some reason some people really struggle with an idea that a woman can be paid for pure intellectual labour done remotely and not for (a) for being pretty and physically present to beautify the working environment (b) having also a "manual" component to her white collar profession requiring her to be on site, for example, a doctor or a teacher. As if it is much more difficult to abstract a female from her body (I don't know if I am explaining well here).

I literally worked on developing resting bitch face because of men.

1dayatatime, yes I felt like I am going to explode whenever he speaks to me as he says the most shocking things, worse than that especially if he talks about his past. He said my 10 year old DD was miserable as he knocked on his bedroom window, trued to talk to her but she wouldn't talk or smile at him.

When she was in the garden and he was in his bedroom.

Oh JFC
That's just horrendous

OP next time you see him you HAVE TO ask him if he'd like to be your on-call odd jobber for a small retainer, you know, unblocking drains and raking leaves and that sort of thing - minimum wage of course! What an utter knob.

Goldenbear I'm surprised you speak to him.

we have a pervert in my block of flats and people don't talk to him anymore.

@EmmaH2022
I've been trying to perfect mine for years then the menopause gave me "I'm not taking anymore crap" superpowers.

What's preventing you from releasing the explosion @Goldenbear ?

"My 10 year old daughter does not owe you attention or specific facial expressions. Do not harrass her while she is enjoying the privacy of her garden."

It's not an OTT response - he's a serial offender.
With his rooftop peeping tomming & his bikini comments. I would very VERY alert to any commentary about your DD over the next 2 or 3 years ...
Bleuugh.

I think I might have asked him why he thought I'd be interested - but in reality I probably would have been too gobsmacked.

forinborin, yes, I see your point, a woman if she is at home, must be organising in some way, multitasking domesticity and work. I can tell my neighbour thinks the work is not proper work it is pin money and I don't need to worry as i have a husband.

My DM wanted her hedge cut recently and her fence fixed. She wouldn't have considered a woman due to needing a man's strength, otherwise she'd have done it herself. Is that sexism too?

Not at all. I'd been trying for ages to fix my fence and cut the hedge by bashing them with my tits, and nothing happened. Imagine how silly I felt when a man eventually explained shears and hammers to me! I still can't pick them up though, because my tits get in the way.

Sorry to hijack thread, I have told him that she doesn't want you to look at her through the window, he has asked why and I have said because it makes her feel uncomfortable. My DH is very blunt with him and will say, 'can you stop doing this or that'. Equally, my 15 year old son, her big brother will go outside and doesn't have anybissue telling him to go away or stop staring. There is an issue as he had a stroke a couple of years ago and his arm is quite weak as a result but he walks briskly to town even at his age and he has been saying to me that he is dying for the last 2 years or so, he will say that alongside the comments that are rude.

I've been WFH for 20 years.
It was amazing to me, how many women just didn't get it.
One pal was going through some marriage struggles, & took to ringing me daily between 8am - 8.30am, because that was her commuting time & it suited her to vent about whatever tiny imperfection she'd found in her DH that morning.

She simply could not hear that I was busy, & could not talk.
"Clare, i can't talk now, I have a call scheduled"
"But I'm SO UPSET!"
"And I am at work, I have to go now"
"But I just need a few minutes"
"I have no time, I have to go now"
"But he said ..."
"I'm sorry you are upset, but as I said, I am working, so am hanging up now."

I'd then have to deal with my own upset & frustration before getting back into the groove of a stressful & specialist job ...

She eventually got it, when I realised what her problem was - she simply did not recognise my business as a legitimate profession. So I asked her what would happen if I continually placed a daily personal call to her at her office which her manager could overhear.
"Oh, that wouldn't be allowed".

Riiiiight ... so you respect your boss's time, & expect to have your own work time respected. But you cannot respect my professional time? Very disappointing.

It's internalised misogyny.

Bit weird and yes, sexist. It would have been fine if you said "We are looking for a home help, I don't suppose you know anyone looking for that kind of work?"

ahhhh maybe, it was deliberate then, trying to take you in the bigger house that they wanted down a peg or two?

My friend said that I shouldn't have said it makes her feel uncomfortable as it is putting the responsibility for his actions on my DD so next time, if it happens again I will say the truth that she does not owe you smiles or anyone, I did go out and look up and frown/scowl at him last time and he hasn't done it since.

😂😂
I've made similar statements @JesusInTheCabbageVan when I've had comments about me using brushcutters/tractors etc.
"Wow, so you think you're penis is driving the tractor?"

You should have mentioned the PhD.