Wedding invitation dilemma - fallout

[Weddinginvitationdilemma]

Getting married later this year and I have an invitation dilemma I'm hoping the hive mind can help with. Specifics are probably outing but hopefully no one involved reads MN!

My parents had some very good friends, let's call them Terry and June (classic). Friends since early 20s (now all in their 70s). Such good friends that June was my godmother & my dad was godfather to their daughter (let's call her Amy).

Terry & June moved to a different part of the country when I was a baby. Weekends spent visiting them, and hanging out with Amy, were a genuine highlight of my childhood. I suspect because my parents really enjoyed those weekends too.

Fast forward and Amy and I have an independent friendship - we aren't close - she lives far away, probably see her and her DH and DC maybe once every 12-18 months. She's crap at WhatsApp so we don't talk a lot otherwise. But she's a link to my childhood I don't otherwise have (only child) and we all get on (DHtobe and her DH) and it wouldn't feel right not to invite her to our wedding.

However...

About 3 years ago, my parents and Terry & June had a big falling out. I don't know huge details - neither does Amy - but I suspect the intensity of long weekends together and little contact in between with changing lives etc getting older meant the friendship had drifted, such a compressed amount of time together became challenging, and it apparently came to a head in one big argument one weekend. Now they haven't spoken since. My DM has attempted (I think rather clumsily, if I'm honest) to send an olive branch in the way of birthday card/letter which didn't go down well. If I know my DM, I'd say the intention was definitely honest but probably the execution wasn't ideal. Basically I don't know enough to take sides here and I don't see the need to. My parents have made peace with the situation.

I am still in very loose contact with June via birthday/Christmas cards & the odd text.

Now to my dilemma, which is - do Terry and June also get a wedding invitation?

My DM thinks yes, but she's a people-pleaser. She thinks (probably rightly) June will "go ballistic" if she's not invited to her goddaughter's wedding - and even more ballistic if Amy & DH are. She also thinks it could be an opportunity to build bridges. I'm not sure that's an ideal activity for her daughter's wedding day, but I can also see it might be nice for this rift to be healed slightly, if it works. I know Amy will bear the brunt of the ballisticness if Terry & June aren't invited, and I don't want to make life difficult for her.

I genuinely don't know what to do for the best. I'm veering towards inviting them but it feels selfish because potentially it's going to add stress to my DM's day just to avoid it for others (including me).

AIBU to invite Terry & June? What would you do?

Invite them. Its down to them to decide if they accept or not. You sit them on a table with their dd and some of your dh2b's family.

If they accept, assume they will be in a positive mood to make friends again with your parents.

I am still close to my godson and my sib was close to her godfather until he died.

Do you want them there? If so, invite them. If not, don’t.

Invite them.

I've not known a Godparent/Godchild relationship last into adulthood, so you might be overthinking that connection.
I haven't known any that don't last into adulthood.
I agree that Amy is the best source of advice for you.

I’m almost 60 and my Godmother is 90. We still have a relationship.

Invite Terry and June. Sit them with Amy and DH. If they aren’t comfortable with seeing your Dm and Dd then they can decline the invite. You will please everyone.

I’d invite them especially since your mum is OK with it. They will know your parents are going and can decline if they don’t want to go/ think it’ll be awkward. If they do go sit them with Amy and DH.
I would say it’s quite likely they won’t come but inviting them saves causing drama.

OP you sound nice and reasonable. It's sad there's been this falling out. I would invite them and as PPs have said, seat them with Amy and some of DH family. It would be nice if the wedding were the catalyst for mended fences.

I've not known a Godparent/Godchild relationship last into adulthood, so you might be overthinking that connection.
I've never known any that haven't. It tends to be someone of special significance, not a passing random.

I also would invite them. It seems like the kind thing to do for your parents. If they decline, that is their prerogative.

I'd send them an invitation . If they accept I'm sure all 4 will play nice at the wedding. If they decline, nothing lost.

As others have said, if your Mum’s already tried to sort this out, I don’t reckon they’ll come anyway. Good Luck Op!

I’d invite them, and suggest to your Mum that it might be nice to make another attempt at contact. Maybe she could suggest meeting for coffee to clear the air before your wedding.

Given that your parents are on board with inviting them, then yes, I would.

Sit them with Amy & DH and I’m sure there be another ‘spare’ couple or two to fill the rest of the table.

I assume they are reasonable people and a reasonable person wouldn’t go to a wedding if they knew that it would end up in an argument with the parents of the bride. So if they accept your invitation, it means they’re willing to make peace with your parents or at least are prepared to set aside their negative feelings for your big day. If they don’t feel like being civil is a possibility for them then they very likely will decline the invitation. So I wouldn’t worry about that and just invite them.

Thanks everyone. MN is a brilliant place sometimes for honest clear advice. Really appreciate everyone's time taken to post. I think they're getting an invite and I will chat to Amy about it as well.

Do they know other people there? It might be a bit intense for them if they only know you, your parents (who they might not speak to) and their daughter.

This is - almost disappointingly - one of the most reasonable and clear thinking threads I’ve seen for a while 😃 You seem lovely OP and sound like neither DM/DF or T/J are the type to cause a scene.

Agree with the majority verdict. Prep Amy and confirm to her you will be fine with an acceptance or a decline from Terry & June as they prefer, then send the invitation. Sit the two parties apart should they accept. And get on and enjoy your day.

Oops, sorry cross posted.

A possibility that I think is not unlikely if June is still not willing to build bridges is that she wants to come to the ceremony only. It's in a church and she's quite religious. That would be a shame and I think my DM would take that as a pointed snub.

Easy. Invite them. Put the ball in their court. You will have done nothing wrong.

I'd invite them.

It's up to them if them go or not.

I think it makes it easier if your parents are OK with it tbh.

How long after the argument did your mum try to offer an olive branch?

Hopefully as adults they will put their feelings aside for you.

Being able to be at the wedding of someone they care about of course doesn't mean that any rift will automatically be healed so your mum might still have to tread carefully!

Haha thanks @BarbaraWoodlouse
Yes I think that's what I'll do.

I'm now probably overthinking possible outcomes but ultimately I can't really influence that.

Just give them a ring and ask if they'd like to come but you understand there's been a falling out so understand if they'd rather not. If you're not close enough to them to actually speak to them then don't invite them.