To care that my children’s great grandparents were first cousins?

[Antipoodean]

Not particularly unusual perhaps, but I come from a very diverse gene pool myself (different hemispheres). I only learnt that my MIL’s parents were first cousins after we had children. Would this bother you? My dcs are healthy and I am not worried about them, I’d have had them
with the knowledge, it’s just a bit disconcerting.

"Queen Victoria and Prince Albert were first cousins."

This is not a family to take as an example when talking about intermarriage!
The odd cousin marriage is OK, but it can be a problem when it happens over and over in one family.

Yuck . Some bad choices were made

I knew the royals were and still are known for it but have still never found it very “normal”. I thought that was about preserving royal lineage type thing & evidence of a completely outdated institution with very weird practices though!

I’m really surprised to hear how common it was/still is in the U.K. tbh. Was aware cousin marriage in Islamic communities to be common however.

Still gives me the ick though.

A quick google reveals it was prohibited & classed as incest in the U.K. & Europe in Medieval times.

So it’s something that’s clearly shifted through history from a taboo to common practice.

As such I think it will always remain controversial. For me anyway. But each to their own! 🤮

Have you met your MIL’s parents? Are they still alive?

I definitely wouldn’t have a relationship with my cousins, and would be horrified if Dc had a relationship with theirs, because we’re faaaamily, not fair game.

But I wouldn’t think twice or find it ‘disconcerting’ that my IL’s parents did, decades ago, different time, different expectations.

The thought of my son dating my niece makes me feel nauseous. I am really close to my brother and his family so would find it all too weird if my brother became my son's father in law aswell as uncle.

I know it's not illegal in the UK anyway, just too close for my liking.

I have first cousins I have never met on my Dad’s side. I have another two first cousins who did not know about us (there are 13 of us cousins on mum’s side) until one of my aunts went to his father’s funeral (although we knew of them. Bit of a shock, that one!). Big families, obviously, but not unusual in my grandparents day.

My great aunt and uncle were first cousins.

I find it fascinating that attitudes changed and it was frowned upon in medieval times. I’m going to look it up!

They are long gone. MIL is one of many siblings, she’s now in her 70s. I think her mum was in her 30s when she was born and her dad in his 50s.

Very common back then.

@Antipoodean

It’s apparently banned in many states in the US too!

What about where you are @Antipoodean?

This is interesting:

www.businessinsider.com/the-surprising-truth-about-cousins-and-marriage-2014-2?r=US&IR=T

Thanks for posting OP I’ve learned a lot!

My parents are first cousins @Antipoodean six of us children - all perfectly healthy, minimum eduction level of masters up to PHD. All in good jobs. I have 3 degrees myself. None of us have health issues and all are married and healthy with our own children also no issues. Yes it’s a bit awkward and embarrassing when it comes up but more due to stigma of people like you who are judgemental.

Still entirely legal in the UK. From a health point of view it's the sort of thing you'll probably get away with for a generation or two but you wouldn't want to keep doing it for many generations.

Families of Pakistani descent in the UK are particularly likely to engage in cousin marriage and also have disproportionately high rates of genetic disease. It's not without impact.

But - in the case of the OP - with no obvious signs of genetic disorders in the family, I wouldn't worry.

That’s fascinating. So not so much me - as I am only 25% “tainted” but my grandfather I guess must have only had 6 great grandparents rather than the usual 8. So one pair would be a double pair. Which means that they would be genetically the same as a grandparent as they would contribute 25% of his DNA rather than 12.5%.

I suspect that if you were a Victorian woman with ten kids, and your SIL also had ten kids, and you both lived in a small rural village that nobody ever moved in or out of, you wouldn’t think it was ick so much as inevitable.

Out of interest, how do you get on with your in laws?

I couldn’t imagine any of my dc marrying my brother or sisters dc. They’re practically siblings!

Same here!
It's weird and I can't believe there are so many of you that think it's perfectly normal 🤢

I get that. But I'm wondering if people who think it's fine would be so accepting of it in the next generation i.e their children

Have you don’t any research into this? It seems odd to ask for opinions here rather than properly research it.

you aren’t worried about your children - so what on earth is your issue?

are you educated? Well read? If this has really bothered you book an appointment with a geneticist. Talk through your concerns - educate yourself on this issue.

Jeez chill out. OP just came here to ask people what they thought 😂

Regarding the medieval prohibition - there's an academic with a book out arguing that was a major out step forward in European development. It changed the structure of society from clan based to one with higher openness and trust with 'outsiders', which in turn led to higher rates of wealth diffusion and trade etc among different peoples. Don't know enough to evaluate the claims but a fascinating theory.

I think if you want a conversation, you,go to ‘Chat’. Not sure AIBU was ever a place for conversation

It was very normal back in the day. I discovered my great great grandparents were cousin's. And there were also some other connections further back where the same surnames kept appearing in my family tree research! It was very common when people couldn't travel around as much they usually married someone from the same village or town. It's nothing to worry about, I mean if it's ok for the royal family...

I mean if it's ok for the royal family...

Ha ha. look at the royal family. Thank God for Kate and Meghan is all I can say 🤣