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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To care that my children’s great grandparents were first cousins?

303 replies

Antipoodean · 21/05/2022 21:12

Not particularly unusual perhaps, but I come from a very diverse gene pool myself (different hemispheres). I only learnt that my MIL’s parents were first cousins after we had children. Would this bother you? My dcs are healthy and I am not worried about them, I’d have had them
with the knowledge, it’s just a bit disconcerting.

OP posts:
Sceptre86 · 21/05/2022 22:07

It's common in many cultures. Not something I fancied, having had a close relationship with my cousins growing up but not all first cousins grow up in the same country. I do find it icky but I grew up in the UK in a family where it is rare.

Mamai90 · 21/05/2022 22:08

It's only 'ick' to us because society says so. It wasn't 'ick' back in the day because it was common.

There are plenty of other religons and in other countries where it's still totally normal to marry a first cousin. So I doubt they have the ick from it either.

Personally I couldn't imagine ever looking at a first or even second cousin and beyond that way. But that's probably because I have been conditioned by societies norms. I suspect that there a lot of first cousin marriages in all of our gene pools. I wouldn't give it a second thought personally.

merryhouse · 21/05/2022 22:10

My great-grandmother's parents were first cousins.

I suspect they don't have any smaller a gene pool than my ancestors from the village of my birth around 1800 (having looked at the records, I came to the conclusion that sooner or later everyone marries a Brewin).

Certainly doesn't seem to have done us any harm. Her children were no less attractive or accomplished than her step-children.

VivaLaRaza · 21/05/2022 22:10

DistrictCommissioner · 21/05/2022 21:54

I found out recently that my great great grandmother and great great grandfather were step siblings - that gives me more ick than a cousin marriage around the same point in the family tree.

If they didn’t grow up as siblings and became step siblings in later life then it’s absolutely fine. I do think it’s a bit ick if they were step siblings from a young age and grew up in the same house. First cousins, or even second imo, is definitely ick. I’m from a Hindu background and it’s a big no no to marry someone who is related, even if it’s a distant relation. I couldn’t imagine any of my dc marrying my brother or sisters dc. They’re practically siblings!

EinsteinaGogo · 21/05/2022 22:12

I don't know if I'd care if it were a few generations back, OP, but its definitely 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮 now.

The thought of my children having a sexual relationship with my sisters or in laws children is something for a horror show, not real life 🙈🙈🙈

Georgeskitchen · 21/05/2022 22:13

It's not illegal in the UK to marry a first cousin but could be problematic having children if there are any hereditary conditions in the family

DistrictCommissioner · 21/05/2022 22:16

VivaLaRaza · 21/05/2022 22:10

If they didn’t grow up as siblings and became step siblings in later life then it’s absolutely fine. I do think it’s a bit ick if they were step siblings from a young age and grew up in the same house. First cousins, or even second imo, is definitely ick. I’m from a Hindu background and it’s a big no no to marry someone who is related, even if it’s a distant relation. I couldn’t imagine any of my dc marrying my brother or sisters dc. They’re practically siblings!

Show quote history

Yeah - I can’t remember the exact ages when their parents married, but by the time gr gr gran was 13 she was living in the same house as gr gr grandfather as step siblings - he was 10 years older than her.

Wheredoestheblackfluffcomefrom · 21/05/2022 22:16

You can do fuck all about it. It used to happen a lot. Look for other things to bitch/worry/moan about

Original poster
Antipoodean · 21/05/2022 22:18

I’m confused that the comments don’t seem to reflect the poll results. Opinions seem quite split here! As I’ve said I’m not worried and I know I can’t change anything, I don’t see it as a reflection on my MIL, she had nothing to do with it. My children are perfect to me. One of them has a disability but it’s in no way attributable to this. I do find it ick though, the thought of my children having a relationship with their cousins, or me or my husband having had one with ours is just odd to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Antipoodean · 21/05/2022 22:18

Wheredoestheblackfluffcomefrom · 21/05/2022 22:16

You can do fuck all about it. It used to happen a lot. Look for other things to bitch/worry/moan about

Christ

OP posts:
perimenofertility · 21/05/2022 22:21

My great grandparents were first cousins. I’ve always known but never given it much thought. I think these days it would be quite icky to have sex with your cousin. But back in the day, when people often didn’t move around enough to meet new people and their world was smaller, it was seen as normal to marry a cousin. Certainly in my family’s case, and so probably the same as others, it wasn’t about sexual attraction it was more about having a suitable/practical match to keep a family-run business in the family.

Original poster
Antipoodean · 21/05/2022 22:22

Can AIBU not just be a conversation? The compulsion certain people feel to attack the op, regardless of subject matter really baffles me.

OP posts:
Readtheroom · 21/05/2022 22:22

@Wheredoestheblackfluffcomefrom

Just out of prison?

Fixyourself · 21/05/2022 22:23

How can do many people think shagging your cousin is ok? It’s genetically wrong! Yuk

Original poster
Antipoodean · 21/05/2022 22:23

perimenofertility · 21/05/2022 22:21

My great grandparents were first cousins. I’ve always known but never given it much thought. I think these days it would be quite icky to have sex with your cousin. But back in the day, when people often didn’t move around enough to meet new people and their world was smaller, it was seen as normal to marry a cousin. Certainly in my family’s case, and so probably the same as others, it wasn’t about sexual attraction it was more about having a suitable/practical match to keep a family-run business in the family.

True. Although the cousin in question had actually travelled the world and returned to his little village!

OP posts:
KnitPurlKnitPurl · 21/05/2022 22:23

I can understand why you think it's odd, and I would think that too. But it really depends how close you are to your cousins. My granddad was one of 11 and they all had big families. My dad has dozens and dozens of cousins, and only really was close to a couple of them. If you've grown up in a family with much closer cousins who you see regularly then that's a very different situation.

@Mumoftwoinprimary having intermarriage can skew your DNA results through something like Ancestry, because rather than inheriting two very diverse sets of genes from a parent, the offspring of cousins gets two similar sets of genes. It doesn't usually cause an issue as a one-off, it's in communities where intermarriage goes on for generation after generation that you have the issue - Jewish communities often have a real problem with creating a family tree using DNA as you have this person coming up as a strong match, potentially a first cousin, and you've never heard of them.

lameasahorse · 21/05/2022 22:27

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

AngelinaFibres · 21/05/2022 22:27

LicoricePizza · 21/05/2022 21:16

Was it quite normal??

Queen Victoria and Prince Albert were first cousins.

perimenofertility · 21/05/2022 22:28

Antipoodean · 21/05/2022 22:23

True. Although the cousin in question had actually travelled the world and returned to his little village!

Show quote history

Couldn’t find anyone better around the world so came back 😂 I do agree with you, just thinking about my cousins now is making me feel icky.

Bpdqueen · 21/05/2022 22:32

Omg why is everyone making out like its normal and not a big deal wtaf

underneaththeash · 21/05/2022 22:35

for all those saying it’s fine - it’s really no ideal genetically. You have a far higher chance of a double recessive gene.
Having said that it was long ago enough that the effects have lessened. Although why it’s not illegal in the U.K. now, I have no idea.

TheFoldOx · 21/05/2022 22:35

What this means is that instead of having 32 g-g-g-grandparents, your children have 30. That's why it is not particularly genetically significant, and one reason why cousins having sex is legal.

OhCrumbsWhereNow · 21/05/2022 22:36

I have two sets of first cousins who married among my relatively recent ancestors. DH always used to laugh at me about how inbred my family were... then I did his family tree and it's far, far worse than mine (he's from particular background where people very rarely marry outside the community and faith).

No consanguinity issues in either family, but when we saw the genetic counsellors before DD was born, and went through family trees, they did recommend that she should not marry a cousin or any other known relative.

lljkk · 21/05/2022 22:38

It turns out that DH's dad & both aunts all died of cancer.
that bothers me wrt DC's future health
I don't care who was cousin or not with anyone else

Crinklecuts · 21/05/2022 22:38

It also gives me the ick, but I think it’s still fairly common in some cultures even here in the U.K.