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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate him

91 replies

goodsturdygirl · 21/05/2022 18:55

I want to separate from my partner. I've told him & why and asked to sell the house, several times. He has ignored everything I've said and is carrying on as normal. I want space and feel like I can't breathe. He went out and kids were being a pain but nothing major. Came home to me stressed but him being there made me feel worse. I didn't say or do anything but I suppose it was obvious from my face and behaviour. He said 'have I done something' (in front of the kids) & I said no it's fine. Then he said it again but sort of towards my eldest. My son said 'maybe just leave her alone'. He kept on and I just said please can you leave me alone. Then he just stood there and stared at me watching as I sorted tea etc out. I said 'what?' & he said 'I'm just trying to work out if I need to call an ambulance or the police, this is very concerning' I fucking hate him so much.

OP posts:
oviraptor21 · 21/05/2022 18:58

As always it's about finances and legalities. Who owns the house? I presume you're not married. How old are the children? Will they stay with you? How much do you and DP earn and have on savings?

AngelinaB087 · 21/05/2022 18:59

Who owns the property
can you afford to rent on your own

Original poster
goodsturdygirl · 21/05/2022 19:04

Not married I can afford it - planned it all but he's just ignoring. Do I just put it on the market?

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Original poster
goodsturdygirl · 21/05/2022 19:05

Joint owners

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Moonface123 · 21/05/2022 19:18

His comments are vile and would be classed as threatening behaviour, if you feel threatened ring the police and Womens Aid.
Good on your son for standing up for you.
I feel for you, it must be very difficult. If you are joint owners l think you both have to agree to sell it, but l maybe wrong. I am sure the estate agents would be able to advise you, but you need to be very careful and keep yourself safe, its a dangerous time for a woman trying to leave when their partner is against it.
You could ring Womens Aid and get advice from them as well.

Stickworm · 21/05/2022 19:20

Im confused why did he say he needs to call police/ambulance?

is he carrying on as normal as he’s behaving like an ostrich/still loves you and doesn’t want it to end or is he manipilulative?

TimeForTeaAndG · 21/05/2022 19:21

Ah the "concerned about your behaviour" bullshit so that he can start telling people you're behaving oddly because you hate him and want him to fuck off so that he can start telling you he will have the kids full custody because you are mentally unstable.

You're not. You're just not dancing to his tune anymore.

Original poster
goodsturdygirl · 21/05/2022 19:25

Yes manipulative! & implying I'm unsafe/mentally unstable which is his go to. Sorry would have written more context but I was angry and in a rush. Just wanted to document it!

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Dillydollydingdong · 21/05/2022 19:27

I can see you're not happy and you want out. Fair enough. But what did he do wrong? Kids stressed you out and he just looked at you and talked about calling the police. You won't be able to put house on the market without his agreement.

Crimeismymiddlename · 21/05/2022 19:29

If you can’t get his agreement you will have to take him to court .

oviraptor21 · 21/05/2022 19:29

Dillydollydingdong · 21/05/2022 19:27

I can see you're not happy and you want out. Fair enough. But what did he do wrong? Kids stressed you out and he just looked at you and talked about calling the police. You won't be able to put house on the market without his agreement.

See the link above.
Yes, she can get a court order to force the sale of the house.
Alternatively he can be sensible and avoid unnecessary legal costs by agreeing to sell.

orwellwasright · 21/05/2022 19:32

Is he your kids' dad?

You can't sell the house without his agreement but you can get a court to force a sale. This would be likely granted if it's in the children's interests.

Get some legal advice. Speak to women's aid.

Stickworm · 21/05/2022 19:34

Oh god I get it now. What a dick I’m so sorry 😞

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 21/05/2022 19:35

oviraptor21 · 21/05/2022 19:29

See the link above.
Yes, she can get a court order to force the sale of the house.
Alternatively he can be sensible and avoid unnecessary legal costs by agreeing to sell.

Show quote history

Possibly, eventually, as long as things go the right way in court.

If the husband gets custody and wants to stay in the house with the children though then it’s very unlikely to happen.

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 21/05/2022 19:39

goodsturdygirl · 21/05/2022 19:04

Not married I can afford it - planned it all but he's just ignoring. Do I just put it on the market?

To answer this post, no. You both need to agree to sell it. You neither have the right to sell it alone, or the right to demand that he leaves while you work out how to move forward.

The road to forcing a sale can be long and difficult, and the courts will tend to expect to see that you have tried everything that you are able to do to come to a deal first before you arrive there.

saliwales2022 · 21/05/2022 19:44

I really hate my DH too, but he had a stroke in 2015 and can't speak at all. On the day he had the stroke I found out he had been having an affair with a work colleague! Sometimes, I wish I was dead! I am partially sighted and in a lot of pain, because I have osteoarthritis I have asked for Carer's Allowance, don't suppose I'll get it!

bellac11 · 21/05/2022 19:45

oviraptor21 · 21/05/2022 19:29

See the link above.
Yes, she can get a court order to force the sale of the house.
Alternatively he can be sensible and avoid unnecessary legal costs by agreeing to sell.

Show quote history

She could go to court,,but the previous poster was correct, she cant just put the house up for sale without his consent, you have to go to court if that happens

Some of the responses here are histrionic, call the police? Really, and say what? That she hates him?

FancyACuppaThen · 21/05/2022 19:49

Same boat. Cannot stand my awful abusive partner and want to leave him but own a home. He's vile and degrading. Hope you're ok

Dillydollydingdong · 21/05/2022 19:51

I wouldn't take it for granted that a Court would order a sale. These 2 are not married and presumably bought the house as TICs. She does not have the protection of the Matrimonial Causes Act 😟. It's a tricky one.

Wheredoestheblackfluffcomefrom · 21/05/2022 19:58

I’m your shoes I would go online and apply for a divorce.

Original poster
goodsturdygirl · 21/05/2022 19:58

I was never going to call the police!! HE said 'just wondering if I need to call the police or an ambulance' because I was stressed/upset. It's his way of making out I'm completely deranged. Thank you for the helpful advice re the house. Also just to clarify I am not mentally unstable - I have ADHD and a history of depression but I'm fine. I have friends and a job and I function perfectly well, although perhaps slightly chaotically. 'You need to sort out your medication' is another response to expressing valid emotions. Oh and 'how will you cope? I'm concerned for the children's welfare' when I talked about separating. Hopefully this gives you more of an idea of what I'm dealing with.

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PaddleBoardingMomma · 21/05/2022 20:02

I think that line of calling the police or ambulance is the most manipulative, scummy and piss boiling thing any man can say. That pathetic hope that by attempting to undermine you, they can somehow take back control by convincing you that you're just nuts and need to shut up and sit down. I HATE IT.

Original poster
goodsturdygirl · 21/05/2022 20:18

Thanks @PaddleBoardingMomma - my thoughts exactly. I keep listing in my head all the things he has said. He just carries on as normal like nothing has happened so I need to keep reminding myself it is not in my head and things are not ok!!

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Original poster
goodsturdygirl · 21/05/2022 20:19

@Wheredoestheblackfluffcomefrom thankfully we are not married

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