To hate him

[goodsturdygirl]

I want to separate from my partner. I've told him & why and asked to sell the house, several times. He has ignored everything I've said and is carrying on as normal. I want space and feel like I can't breathe. He went out and kids were being a pain but nothing major. Came home to me stressed but him being there made me feel worse. I didn't say or do anything but I suppose it was obvious from my face and behaviour. He said 'have I done something' (in front of the kids) & I said no it's fine. Then he said it again but sort of towards my eldest. My son said 'maybe just leave her alone'. He kept on and I just said please can you leave me alone. Then he just stood there and stared at me watching as I sorted tea etc out. I said 'what?' & he said 'I'm just trying to work out if I need to call an ambulance or the police, this is very concerning' I fucking hate him so much.

@saliwales2022 that's really shit, I'm sorry ☹️ have you got someone to help you with the carers allowance forms? You should get it, you just need to make sure everything's in there that needs to be. Do you get PIP for yourself?

That's why I asked earlier how old the kids were, what the finances are like etc.

I doubt the father will get main residence of the DC if they are old enough to see what he is doing to OP.

If you start your own thread someone will be able to point you to some info about Carer's Allowance. Don't want to get into a conversation about it on OP's thread.

You need to follow through with actions. Your saying the words and he is just ignoring you because he doesn't believe you will follow through. See a solictor to advise you before doing anything but next time you say you want to separate you need to follow that with actions.

@Whatever00 we have had valuations on the house and one private viewing. He said we wouldn't get enough for the house so I was/am hoping to prove him wrong. Got one more private viewing then I will suggest putting it on the market but I don't think he will agree. I said if we're not going to sell he needs to offer an alternative other than 'deal with it and carry on' but he hasn't yet. The way he's behaving definitely suggests he thinks I'll get over it, although I've been very clear that's not the case.

Oviraptor kids are in primary school. Finances are all separate - he has lots of money, I'm skint. However I did put money into the house so I should be able to buy a very small place outright with my share. Then can increase my hours enough to be ok plus would get stuff like child benefit which I don't get now.

He doesn’t have to offer an alternative. It’d be lovely if he did, but it’s his house just as much as yours, and without a court order you can’t make him sell it.

Others may suggest other routes, but the only two I can see given what you’ve said is that you move out and start working on the legal,route, or you stay put and start working on the legal route.

No. No you aren't crazy. Because if you were actually with someone who loved you, you'd feel supported, not belittled and made to feel stupid!
Get rid ASAP xx

You need to claim child benefit right now. My husband has to pay it all back in tax and moans every year about self assessment but there is no way that I’m not claiming it. It is crucial for your national insurance credits.

@Natty13 I realise I probably asked for this posting in AIBU but you're wrong about me. I am doing my absolute fucking hardest to sort this out and I have kept it together through more 💩 than you know. This isn't me being a martyr, it's me trying to keep up my determination and stay on track. You're just trolling someone when they're down. So you might have a strong backbone and be a great judge of character but who cares if you're mean anyway.

@Maray1967 he earns loads though, I wouldn't even be eligible. He earns more in 1 month than I do in a year 🙄

You can still claim the CB - he will just take the tax hit for it (so not your problem). Its good that he's a stupendously high earner - he'll be able to afford decent maintenance for his children.

Good to know @PonyPatter44 thank you

Could he buy you out? Just wondering if that's an alternative. Then you could start afresh somewhere different

@FantasticButtocks I think he probably could actually!

Has he been contributing more to the cost of the house all along? If so, and you are not married, what are you calculating as your share, and how are you calculating it?

Have you given up your career to care for his children?

This can make a difference when a court is deciding how much of the joint property belongs to which of you.

Yes he pays the mortgage. I would calculate my share as the cash I put in plus 50% of the profit. Then obvs minus 50% fees. Wouldn't expect a share of any money he's paid off the mortgage.

I don’t know that you’ll be awarded 5”% of the profit if you’ve not been contributing 50% to the mortgage and bills while living there. That’d be the assumption if married, but I think you need some legal advice as to what you can expect here.

Not quite the same I know but a friend left her partner of thirty years a while back, and moved out of their several million pound house in North London, expecting she’d have a claim on it, and got zero.

Your situation is different, as you have children, but please do find out how the courts are likely to apportion the assets before going down the legal route.

Absolutely this ^^

You've stated your intention, he has dismissed you. Now you need to go 'stealth'. Don't bring it up anymore. See a solicitor and find out where you stand wrt the house (forced sale vs buying you out) and what you might expect in the way of money. Also to find out about what child maintenance he will have to pay and what the procedures are for getting child access orders and what the 'norm' is in your area. And what it all might cost you in legal fees. Sounds as if he isn't going to make this easy on you so you may as well know what you're in for.

Once you've fully educated yourself, that will be the time to sit down and say "Right, we are through. These are your options".

That's really unfair to say she sounds unstable. He's telling her that she doesn't need anyone here saying the same thing.

I would actually advise against leaving the house most solicitors say you shouldn’t do that.
easier said than done obviously.

you do need legal advice urgently, first thing Monday morning go on the phone and get yourself a solicitor, what I didn’t know is where there’s a huge disparity of earnings he should be paying for your solicitor to ensure that you have legal advice. right at the end of my consent order there was a small paragraph saying that basically I’ve been offered the option of legal advice and declined which was absolute bullshit I couldn’t afford it. I didn’t realise that he should’ve been paying.

Start siphoning money from the bastard! Start selling some assets. Offer him to buy you out. If he's so rich that might be the easiest option. Get as much money out of him as you can.