Would you put yourself in a precarious financial position…

[Merryoldgoat]

…to privately educate your child.

I work at a private school and deal with the school finances.

We have a few parents who seem to be completely unable to afford the fees. We assist and are understanding and offer payment plans etc.

But there are a few who fail to pay on time every single term.

I just couldn’t cope with the stress.

We have some of the best state schools in the country in the same area so it’s not that there aren’t other options.

Is anyone here in this situation? Why do you put yourself through it?

And this isn’t Covid related btw. This has been going on long before Covid for the parents I’m talking about and we offered assistance to all who needed it (and continue to) when earnings were affected by Covid.

They find school traumatic. They're too burnt out to do anything after school except have meltdowns. Extra tutors and activities won't solve that.

Is it even feasible to be able to borrow £30-40,000 per year, every year, until they go to university though?

No I would not. It would be too stressful. What I did do was to get a job at a high-performing school abroad, so my children happened to gain free places. Brilliantly resourced, but you can also get a good education in many state schools.

And in fact, moving my DD from a good state grammar in the UK to a ridiculously expensive school abroad, standards of behaviour and academic expectations were lower abroad. However parents here tutor their children extensively outside school, whereas in the UK it's not as prevalent.

If you have a state school near you with good behaviour almost all the time and a lowish turnover of staff, then that is most likely a good-enough school in my books.

Well I never mentioned university...

The schools we've looked at are more like £10-12k pa, we could probably just about get that together for one child if we cut all other costs to the bone, so would be looking at finding another £60k or so across 5/6 years. I'm not sure how feasible that is, given we wouldn't be able to pay it back for some time.

In your situation op, I bet they don't pay because you are too nice about it. They can get away with it a lot longer than they can get away with not paying their mortgage. Word will have spread that late payments are ok and won't get them into trouble.

There will be a fair few though that get themselves into loads of debt though and will get themselves into trouble. They are just trying to keep up with their social group usually.

I assumed that no-one would be sending children to private school unless they intended for them to go in to university, it seems a bit pointless.

@Tigofigo a really stressful decision for you. Would your wider financial situation allow you to take on this burden? Eg are pensions on track? Or could you move to another area with a more suitable state school? It must be very difficult to have children who are so unhappy with their current schooling. It's obviously dependent on circumstances, but for me a ₤60k debt, unless I remortgage the house, would be unmanageable.

Even if you get them in to a private school, how would you then keep up the lifestyle of their peers, horse riding, skiing etc, large house and live in help?

@PurassicJark

I try to tread a line of being approachable, kind and understanding but firm.

I just don’t think it’s appropriate to be heavy handed with parents of our pupils - the school - parent relationship needs to be amicable.

Most parents pay on DD without issues. A few ask for latitude for a few weeks and that’s no issue.

It’s just a few that are consistently late and give me the runaround.

Thankfully it’s only three times a year.

I went to private school and had none of this and it was fairly rare among my cohort too. I'm struggling to think of one person who was horsey and it was unusual to have an au pair. Many had fairly standard houses too. The biggest expense was probably uniform.

I do remember one birthday party where someone arrived by helicopter though

Well, how fortunate for you that you haven't had to consider the other reasons people may be desperate to send their children to a fee paying school. Perhaps this conversation will help to widen your mind.

@Tigofigo That's my experience with private schools too. People are usually fairly notmal. Actually, my daughter is the only horsey person in her year and the only one to have a pony (and we're not rich at all and our horse is very small)

house is small - not the horse* 🤣

Thanks, yes it is stressful on a daily basis, appreciate you acknowledge that. Pension not in great shape no. I'm not aware of any (secondary) state school near us or elsewhere that would really be able to offer what my children would benefit from i.e. much smaller classes and tailored support plus a very nurturing environment.

😂picturing a miniature pony

Tigofigo That's my experience with private schools too. People are usually fairly notmal. Actually, my daughter is the only horsey person in her year and the only one to have a pony (and we're not rich at all and our horse is very small)

Ironically, my dcs go to a state primary in quite a wealthy area. The parents are loaded. Large houses, multiple holidays, kids have brand new everything. Huge amounts donated to the PTA. There is a lot of conspicuous consumption going on around our state primary. I'm in a professional role but sometimes I find it really quite intimidating!

Ive seen people in rented accommodation paying school fees. Madness.

My dd has Sen needs and would hugely benefits from private environment.

I'm seriously considering it yes.

Yes our primary is chokka with huge cars and several DC have ponies/ride.

A friend of mine was in this situation. Her husband became massively financially abusive when their daughter joined Prep. He would constantly refuse to pay his half of the fees. So it would fall to her every term to try and scrape his half together. I honestly don’t know how she did it. In the end her daughter thankfully got a scholarship and boarded. That freed up my friend to change jobs, and earn a lot more money. That was enough to pay the school and a solicitor to divorce him.

We wouldn't stretch ourselves to the point that we were worried about being able to pay, however I am really glad my kids will be going private.

I am a former teacher and I think there's a huge difference between state and private: class sizes, individual attention, quality of feedback to parents and students, great clubs on offer, no SATs, fewer behaviour issues.

I worked in secondary rather than primary, but from what I observed state schools tended to be quite left-leaning. If that's what you're after then great but it's not for us.
Furthermore, almost half the primary schools in our area are faith schools. We absolutely do not want that for our children.

My parents couldn’t afford it. I was aware of this at the time. Why did they do it? I think part of it was genuinely wanting us to have the best opportunities and part of it was keeping up with the Joneses. We would have been fine at the local government school. They took years to pay off the debt (still paying 3 years after my sister left). Madness.

My husbands family is a great experiment of state school vs private. He has 2 brothers. Eldest went to state school, didn't go to uni, became a car salesman earns 40k per year. Middle brother switched from state school to private when he was 13, went to uni, and works as a manager in logistics earns 70k per year. Youngest went to private school the whole way, went to uni, got a masters, has a very senior role earning 250k per year.
I don't think how much you earn is a measure of success but I use it to demonstrate the level of the career ladder that they've climbed.
Youngest always said that they felt they were naturally 'clever' and private school gave him the tools, confidence, drive, environment to succeed. Eldest was never bothered about school, left school and went from job to job, but not particularly happy as a car salesman, he never pursued a career.
I have friends that have attended both and the pattern I see often is that those that attend private school from poorer households tend to be more successful because they have the better work ethic and value their education so they make the most of it. I know plenty of rich kids that went to private school, weren't academic, did not succeed because they were entitled brats - didn't have to get a part time job at 16, allowed to do what they want, and always had a sense that they didn't 'need' to work.
Personally think kids can thrive in both environments but I do think private school gives kids the innate sense of confidence they need to achieve and the network to help them later in life.

@britsabroad

My sister went to private school and is a bus driver

I went to state school and ended up a Engineer in Oil & Gas industry.

I think it depends on the individual and what drives them.