Would you put yourself in a precarious financial position…

[Merryoldgoat]

…to privately educate your child.

I work at a private school and deal with the school finances.

We have a few parents who seem to be completely unable to afford the fees. We assist and are understanding and offer payment plans etc.

But there are a few who fail to pay on time every single term.

I just couldn’t cope with the stress.

We have some of the best state schools in the country in the same area so it’s not that there aren’t other options.

Is anyone here in this situation? Why do you put yourself through it?

And this isn’t Covid related btw. This has been going on long before Covid for the parents I’m talking about and we offered assistance to all who needed it (and continue to) when earnings were affected by Covid.

No way.

Nope not a chance as it means nothing

My sister was privately educated and is a bus driver ye her son went to a local school though and gained 5 advanced highers at A grade and a scholarship in Uni and now is very successful.

I think unless you can comfortably pay all your bills and school fees on one parents wages then you can't afford it. People who need both parents income to be able to afford school fees are crazy in my eyes.

I work with a cleaner who was privately educated, her mother was a single mum who came to a decision with her parents that they should use their savings to pay for her fees in which they did. Nothing came of her education.

However, in the OP's case, I suspect a lot of the late payers pay late not because they are not wealthy and can't afford it but because they are tight and enjoy the power of withholding money from others.

This was my first thought - they can pay on time, they just don't. This type of person always pays everything late as a matter of course, thinking 'it makes good business sense' to keep their cash as long as possible and never mind the person they owe - totally selfish entitlement.

It's crossing my mind at the moment,I'm in a low income job and it would come from my wage, short fall but would only be for 5 year's?

I'm having to think About it because dd has some mild Sen and none of our local schools can support or help with it

So...I'm a little stuck.
However it would be a short amount of time.

Yes - when it ends up that the number being subsidised means that the school is driven out of existence, whilst those that whinged that a club went up from a minimal cost to minimal cost + £5 a term were driving fancy cars (on lease). Don’t do what you can’t afford.

@Narwhalelife

We don’t waive fees just so.

Also anyone whose child gets a place for year 3 onwards can apply for a bursary.

Essentially if a family is suffering financial hardship they need to come talk to us and we can have a realistic conversation.

We have the opposite though and people who apply for assistance but have the means but have made different choices which we won’t subsidise.

Basically in a change of circumstance we’ll provide assistance for a finite period to either transition the child sensitively or until the parents are better off again. We won’t indefinitely waive fees.

Merry old goat 🐐 What sorts of things would you say parents can do to pay?.

I'm seriously thinking about private school for one DC, a very homely non selective one.
She has very mild Sen and is sensitive,I think she would benefit from a small classes.

I'm on a Very basic wage which all would go to it..with a short fall.

However it would only be for secondary..5 year's?

One of the wealthiest people I know (genuine wealth, not presumed - I had intimate details of the finances) never paid a bill on time, including school fees. Never paid by direct debit either. Always had to be reminded, get bailiff letters. Drove me potty.

I did because my child has ASD and couldn’t cope in a state school (too busy and not challenging enough). My ex refused to pay at first (and I was planning to remortgage) but then paid some, then all and then decided he wasn’t paying any after all and by that time my finances were dire. The school were very understanding and i managed to keep him there for GCSE’s but it was a bit embarrassing.

Lots of the kids at his school were there for similar reasons. It saved my sanity and when he came out smiling after his taster day I was so relieved!

I don't know.

We have DS at a private primary school. We can basically more or less afford it though I think I will need to work a bit to make it so (I was a sahm until recently).

I would have liked to send him to state school but they are mostly not great around here. We managed to get him into an ok one (he was there for 2 weeks) but there was a lot of sitting at a desk doing work sheets.

At his current school they basically have fun all day and mostly learn through games and other interesting and interactive activities. It's unique in our area and he is so happy there. He's also a difficult child and they are handling it well, whereas he was already starting to clash with the teacher at the other school.

I guess that's a long way of saying, because I want him to be happy and I didn't think he would be at the state school.

We’ve just changed our mind about sending ours to the very posh local private school,here, opting for state school instead, so no, we definitely wouldn’t.

If ours had special needs, or we were worried about them falling behind then we might consider it, but I can’t really imagine putting ourselves into difficulty to do so.

What data are you basing that on?

Never in a million years.

MIL did it with DH and his brother following her divorce (they could not afford it before then either) and ended up bankrupting herself almost and had to move them anyway.

Private education is not the be-all and end all. You are better taking that money and investing it in a secure home and having a nest-egg for opportunities for them, clubs, tutors, school trips, uni etc whilst harbouring a positive relationship with education.

What good will a few years of private education be if they become homeless after you've lost your job suddenly and been unable to pay the bills in favour of school fees? No education is worth that.

i do this and it is horrific. It has completely ruined my life. I only wanted the best for my DC and I m self employed so I thought I could increase my hours and it would be ok.

We used to have a lovely life, away every school holiday and at least one weekend a month. Now we have no spare money, I work 16 hours a day 6 days a week and I am utterly trapped, exhausted, miserable and bordering on suicidal. We have no holidays and the only days out we get are with our merlin annual passes and those have been curtailed recently due to the ridiculous cost of petrol.

If I could have my time again they would have gone to state school and I would have spent the money on extra curriculars, holidays and experiences. I read on here often people willing to sacrifice everything to send their kids private and I think, you have a chance not to have my life, take it and run!!

I have ruined the last few years of my life and the kids teenage years and I regret it every day. DD is year 9, I absolutely can’t take her out as it would destroy her so instead I will continue to sacrifice my own happiness and mental health and pray the end of year 11 comes round quickly.

Sorry for the essay,!!

This!

I am one of those parents! I'm a single parent and struggling to put my kid through private education. I recently had a massive pay cut as I changed careers for a better work/life balance, but the money definitely is a huge stress. I would not do it again if I were to have another kid, but it's very difficult to stop once your kid has started on the private school path. My daughter doesn't want to change to a state school.

While all this is understandable. I’d feel quite resentful about this. When we chose the local private school we were aware that out taxes were already paying for a school place in the very good local state school that we were not going to be using, so we’d be paying an extra £20,000 per year per child for the private primary school.

To find that out fees were actually subsidising other well- off families rather than just paying for our own would not sit well with me. If they cannot afford to pay for a private school then why not use the local state one instead?

It frustrates me on MN when an OP comes on to say they are thinking about PE but to afford it will mean no more holidays, having an old banger for a car, secondhand uniform from the start, cheese paring all the way. Then loads of posters come on to cheerlead the OP into making this decision. Lots of flannel about having different priorities and it being worth the sacrifice.

But is it worth the sacrifice? Is it worth the stress which @Coasterfan is going through? Is it worth the stress to DCs of having to change schools/friendship groups/curriculum in a rush when a financial house of cards falls down?

I would only ever have considered PE if I knew I had the money already in the bank to pay for it.

With all the financial pressure some parents face with paying these fees, I wonder if there is underlying resentment if their children don't do 'well'

I did it and I have absolutely no regrets I did get a bursary but I am a self employed single person no consistent help from my sons father no family. I have done it I have taken a government job for the last two years every penny went in school fees as my businesses were decimated in covid but I have done it. Absolutely no regrets and would I do it again in a heart beat - I’m never chased for money but I do pay monthly the school are very helpful as I keep them fully informed

No. I know loads of people who have done really well in life even after going to quite average state schools. I only know of one person who struggled to send their dc to PE and got into huge debts. She lived in a catchment area for a very good school too. Unfathomable.

There are some people who always put themselves in a financial difficult or complicated situation.

@Merryoldgoat
My dcs between them currently do sailing, martial arts, football, rugby, cricket and gymnastics. We are possibly quite overscheduled doing all of this so may trim back next term. But I'd like them to have the skills in life!

Personally no as fortunately DS enjoys school and his needs are largely met there. If however I had a child who was struggling with large class sizes, was being bullied relentlessly and state school weren't arsed, then yes I would stretch myself financially to try and ensure he got an education as the state wasn't doing that. For everyone doing it for appearances are people I'm sure for other reasons.