DD school coat found with another DC name !!

[Highfivemum]

So my DD came home from school last year without her school coat. It was three weeks old and had her name on the inside of the coat and also I put her name in the pocket on a label. So two name tags. Went into school regularly spoke to teachers and the coat never was found. She had worn it twice so like new. Fast forward to yesterday and my DD mislaid her jumper. I went to lost property and collected her jumper and saw a school coat in he box. Very worn and dirty with a ripped sleeve. As I always do I looked in the coat and there was another child’s name written in the back but underneath in pale ink you could see my DD name that had been written over. I then checked the pocket and there was my DD name clearly still on a tag. The name of the DC was a boy in the same year as her ( the coats are unisex). I spoke to her teacher and she said oh never mind at least she has her coat back !! I was flabbergasted to be honest. This other mum whose child has been in the same year group since nursery at the school wrote over my DD name and gave her DS the coat to wear. Then left it now as it is ripped and badly worn and I am meant to be pleased. AIBU to feel like she has stolen it. ? I am not sure how to handle this.

You could try a ‘Wagatha Christie’ style social media post? 🤣

Pointless getting worked up. Anyone that puts a stolen coat on their kid won't care about your opinion anyway!

Although it's obviously theft there's not much you can do. With the coat being found ripped and damaged, it suggests that the boy might have a rather chaotic home life.

Would it be worth mentioning it to a teacher, not to complain about the theft, but to raise concerns about the boy's home situation?

I would just be the bigger person and let it go. You don't really know how it ended up with the other child. It could have been months after your DD lost it that it was picked up by someone else. You can't know for sure if it was intentionally stolen. Other than a name, was there other information written on the coat that they could have used to return the coat to you?

I think this is appalling and whilst I would not expect the school to approach the parent as I can understand it being tricky I would expect a comment in the school newsletter re items of clothing going missing labelling etc to "remind" parents

Also, it sounds like that the coat has been well used at least. Though, unfortunately not by your DD, but at least it wasn't thrown away.

She (or he)’s a thief. There’s no excuse for what she did but what will confronting her now achieve for you? I’d be very annoyed but I think I’d let it go.

I'd take pics showing the original and replaced name tags and email the school saying another parent has stolen your daughter's property and you'd like it addressed to stop it happening in future, could they facilitate this please?

I once had Child A claim that Child B had stolen her coat. Child B swore blind that the coat was hers. I discovered that in the lining of the hem of the coat was a marble-shaped firm object. I asked Child B if there was anything unusual about the hem. No. I asked Child A, who explained that she had indeed had a hole in the lining and had pushed a marble into it whilst bored in a lesson one day.
These conversations happened in front of both parents. It was sweet justice.

I think I would do this.

MardyOldGoth
The school are not responsible for parents stealing!

You have to be sneaky where you put the names and sew the labels. I have been known to sew 3 labels into a school blazer before now

It's so frustrating. My son came home in a school sweatshirt reeking of smoke - definitely not his - he never possessed a school sweatshirt. You could either buy a school sweatshirt or buy a different sweatshirt from the high street and sew the school badge on. I sewed badges on all the way through primary school. I made sure that every bit of clothing, including shoes was labelled with sewn in name tags. My sons stuff would regularly disappear and reappear with someone else's initials scribbled on the label in pen. He lost coats, wellies and even his PE bag which I had knitted and felted.

But I wouldn't confront the parent - if they are brazen enough to take the coat of someone in the same class .... it beggars belief but common by the sounds of it.

And wrote over the original name?

Never said they were but I don't think it's unreasonable to ask them to help address it given that it's occurred on their watch and the children are under their supervision when in school. If OP asks and the school tells her to sod off there's nothing more she can do but I think it's worth raising with them.

When one of mine was in reception I had a knock on the door and was confronted with a clearly angry dad. He said my son had taken his son's shoes. I looked at them and they were identical Clarks shoes but half a size bigger or smaller. I got my sons, he had two odd shoes, well same shoes but one was the shoes the dad was looking for and another one same size but a narrower fitting. I couldn't help laughing but he was so angry and was clearly insinuating it was deliberate. I'd like to think if I was into stealing kid's shoes I'd actually pick a pair.

Anyway next morning we met at the gate and found the mother of the boy who had one of my son's shoes and one of this other boys shoes. I got one of son's shoes off each parent and gave the dad his son's. It really shouldn't have been the drama he made it.

I'd be very annoyed with the coat, that does sound deliberate.

The biggest problem with being able to do anything about it is that it’s been months and no one has noticed. That child has been wearing the coat all winter. It’s too late to be able to bring it up.
I’m a teacher and if this had come to my attention quickly I could and would do something about it. Several months down the line there’s nothing to be done.
A child blatantly turning up in someone’s trainers would be dealt with though!!

Your school doesn’t do list property tables does it?
Ours puts all the unclaimed items on a table for a free for all… could this have happened especially if it was a year ago

I would be fuming too.
The only thing I can think of is that the coat turned up several weeks after your dd lost it and was taken to lost property.
At my DC primary school they wait so long for lost items to be claimed and then put them on tables in the hall for parents to look through/ take anything they desperately need (uniform/ coats), so maybe something like this happened?
Did you notice the boy wearing the coat soon after it disappeared?
I agree though it shouldn't have just been dismissed like that.

I'd pull the parent about it myself, it's cheeky and it's theft. Nothing can be done but I couldn't say nothing.

I'd say just so you know I went through lost property last week to find something and I found this coat that is my child's, her name is in it, but your child's name has been written over it. I've taken it back as it has been missing for ages.

If you know the mum I would take it out of lost property and hand it to her mentioning the written-over name and the label in the pocket. Passive aggressive but satisfying, I would want her to know I knew.

so what if she’s struggling, you can’t just steal another child’s coat. There are loads of free and cheap local uniform/clothes groups on Facebook, charity shops etc. no need to blatantly steal.

It's why I write my child's name in a rather big letters on the neck line/waist line with a black sharpie makes it much harder to cover over

Address it how?? Accuse another parent of stealing (months ago) with no way of being able to prove it??
It’s never going to happen.

This might be the most effective way to go about it.

You could also take pictures of the coat and post them in the class whatsapp group or email-list and ask "innocently" if anyone has more information on how this could happen.

Maybe OP’s child needed it. It’s theft