Nightmare work colleague - thinking of resigning but like my job!

[ItsNotCricket]

First job in 10 years after raising DC. Thought I’d hit the jackpot - wfh, decent pay, part time flexible hours, interesting content and challenging enough not to be boring, and lovely similar age to myself ladies as managers and colleagues.

My close colleague, let’s call her Sue, and I do the same job. She’s full time, I’m part time and we share the work between us.

I kind of got a ‘ffs really’ impression of Sue as soon as I met her but put it to one side as first impressions are not always correct.

Within a few days, Sue dropped into conversation that her best friend had applied for my job but didn’t get it and she’s not sure why. That rather took me aback and I got the idea that Sue would rather her friend have got it. It was not really necessary to say and put me on edge.

She started 6 months earlier than me but still needed a lot of training. I picked stuff up pretty quickly (not boasting honestly!) so was given harder and more complicated tasks to complete therefore making my work load quite heavy, As a part timer. it really should be the other way round no?

I didn’t mind going over my hours at the start as thought I’m still learning, it’ll get less as I am quicker.

Sue started a habit of calling me at my finish time to talk (she likes to talk) so making me finish even later. She has also started trying to pass stuff onto me that she should be doing herself. I notice lots of mistakes in her work which I correct without comment.

I also notice that she seems to do hardly any work and I’m doing much more than her despite doing a third less hours. It’s really starting to get me down now.

On group calls, she’ll have her dogs barking or having diarrhoea and will leave the call or doesn’t shut up and we’re stuck on it for ages. She’s constantly complaining the work is too hard so thereby prompting me say I’ll take over etc.

She has asked me to change my day off as she thinks it better I take a different day off. It was agreed before I started and I want to change it but she’s constantly bringing it up.

The last straw for me is that we’ve been told we’re moving to hybrid working later this year. 2 days in the office. Sue does not drive so has made a big thing about having to get a bus and how long it’ll take her. She asked me if I’d pick her up and take her with me. I wasn’t prepared for it so just said ‘umm right’. It’s not the kind of thing I’d ever ask, I’d wait for an offer. I don’t want to give her a bloody lift as can’t stand her even though she is happy to pay for petrol, not that I’d take any money as I’m going anyway. She also uses her not driving as an excuse for me to go into the office and do the post!

I’m actually thinking of leaving due to not wanting to work with her. All my other colleagues are lovely, work hard and are super helpful. I can’t believe my shit luck that I’ve got her to work with!

AIBU?

1. Don't do her work for her
2. "Actually Sue I'm just finishing work now, let's talk tomorrow instead"
3. Don't change your day off
4. How do you get on with your line manager - can you raise it with them?

I think you really need to grow a pair
Sue is taking the piss because you are letting her - every time you let her get away with this shit it shows her how weak you are and how much more shit you will put up with
It never should have got to this stage because you should have said no to her a long time ago
come on OP, you are a grown woman with kids, stop being so wet and certainly don’t resign from a job you like and that suits you because you can’t stand up to this woman

Sorry sue but I can’t give you a lifts, it’s just not practical. Then make yourself bust and ignore her attempts of woe is me

sorry sue I have to get going, see you tomorrow.. and walk out at your finishing time.

don’t correct her mistakes - if you add to her work then do it in a different colour.

once you start laying boundaries she’ll give up.

Talk to your line manager about the issues. The issues with workload are in their gift.

In the nicest possible way.... you've allowed this to happen.
Read your post back to yourself... can you see where you started out wrong with her.

You need to work on being more assertive, and no,don't give up your job. Good luck.

She sounds awful, but it's all fixable.

Don't offer to take her work if she struggles.

Don't stay on the phone if she's busy with dogs. Log off and message that she should call back when she's less distracted.

Don't enter into conversations about your days off.

Don't for gods sake start to pick her up!

you need some big girl pants!

Surely as a new starter you have a manager checking in on you? You need to raise these concerns. Don’t leave the job because of Sue… this is what she wants as I’m sure her friend is waiting in the wings!!

it is very unfair to ask you to provide lifts for a start

Please don't leave a job you are clearly good at, enjoy and have waited a long time for.
Get out of the lift share "actually sue I've been thinking and the lift share won't work for me.'
Shut her down when she rings at inappropriate times' sorry, can't talk now'

Absolutely definitely don't change your day off and DON'T do her work for her. Once she has to cope with getting herself to work and possibly even doing some herself she might leave anyway.....

It is her responsibility to get herself to & from work, not yours
If you are on holiday, how will she get to work ?
Just say that it doesn't suit your daily routine

Tell her if she wishes to discuss work, that it needs to be within work hours or send the info on email or Teams

Don't change your day off

Start looking for an internal job transfer

Your line manager needs to be aware of some of this (workload related etc) so they can deal with Sue.

You also need some big girl pants and to put your foot down a bit more.

Disengage. Best thing I ever did. Row your own boat, get on with your manager and up hours to sue. She isn’t your problem, honestly.

*yours

unless this job is the career you want to pursue the is no reason to entertain sue

Don’t resign OP. In every workplace there’s always one and this one doesn’t sound that horrendous. Honestly your job sounds great and you sound like you are good at it. As PP have said you need to take control here, disengage and put your foot down.

You can't change her, only yourself.

It's your choice to let her talk at you and make you finish late ("Sue sorry to cut you off there but I am finished my working day now and need to get off the call to take Daisy to netball, have a lovely evening!")

It's your choice to take over the jobs she is complaining about (easy one there, say nothing. Nothing prompts you to do someone else's work other than your own poor boundaries)

The lifts, I get some people (seems to be a very MN thing tbh) find it difficult to say no but it does get easier the more often you do it. Just say "I won't be able to give you lifts" no explanation, no apology. You don't owe her one and any explanation opens it up to negotiation.

Don't leave a job you like and has good flexibility for you over things like this. I guarantee you there is a Sue in every workplace.

Thanks for replies. TBF it’s easy to say put your big girl pants on but I have to consider the fall out and with such a strong personality there will be a fallout! I have no reason to refuse her lifts other than I don’t want to give her one and would perhaps look churlish.

I have considered bringing it up with my line manager but again, I’m the newbie and I don’t want to look like I’m causing trouble, and picking up on petty things. It’s not all the time but often enough that it’s pissing me off.

Also need a good reference as this will be my only one.

I guess I’ve been out of the workplace for so long that really struggling to assert myself. Not at all like that out of it!

Of course it's easy to say these things when you're not in it but honestly, once you get used to dealing with characters like this it really does become easy and like water off a duck's back.

Be polite, keep your head down and keep conversation to a minimum with her. If you are professional but distant your work will speak for itself. She may be a big character as you say but if you refuse to engage no matter what she does (I.e. if she got nasty) i guarantee you it is her who looks bad.

The lifts, why do you think not wanting to give her them is a good enough reason? Right now I'd just say no, only that, no explanation but years ago when I was less assertive I'd have used my kids as an excuse - getting them to nursery/school then to work giving me no time to pick her up or the stress of sorting out the kids in the morning leaving you unable to feel able to be responsible for another person getting to work on top of that. You not wanting to is valid enough though, nobody would think badly of you.

@ItsNotCricket

with such a strong personality there will be a fallout

Why? Because you won't give her a lift? You work with the woman, you're not her nanny. Say no and mean it.

With respect, yes, you do sound like to need to pull your big girl pants up a bit - whether or not this is because you've been out of the workplace for a while is a question only you can answer, but trust me, it's not a thing.

Bending over backwards for colleagues isn't expected and if you came to me, as a manager, to tell me that you were upset about it - I'd probably try to help resolve the issue, but I'd also privately think you were a bit wet and that an adult woman could probably do their own dirty laundry.

Just disengage slightly, be more professional. Don't pick up her slack. She does her work and you do yours. If you're being given too much work, speak to your line manager to ask to transfer some of your work to her.

No need at all to give her a lift to work. She'll have to make her own way like everyone else does. No reasons or excuses needed.

Perhaps your days in the office, could be different to her days in?

Is her communication with you via text or email?
If she texts, ignore it (but screenshot it). If it's via work email you have written proof of what she's asking and your bosses can see it if they want to look.
Whichever way, tell her no, you can't give her a lift (tell her you have other commitments but don't elaborate if pressed).
When she calls at the end of the work day, tell her to ring you back when you're next in work as you're about to leave and can't talk.
I think she's playing the long game here and showed her hand far too early:
You've been a sucker so far (sorry!), and it sounds to me like she's trying to pile pressure on you until you leave and then her friend has a chance at the job again.
Back right off, don't pick up any slack for her. Just do your job. Expect that she will be whining to you within a week or two. When she does, email your manager and show them the proof of what she's doing and point out this isn't what you are paid to do, but don't feel you should have to deal with it as she is a colleague on the same level as you.

All of this!

You mention that you need to deal with post as part of your role? I would actively suggest that it makes sense for the business for you to do different days. If that isn't a runner then I think you will need to say no to the lifts, make up an excuse if you need to. Blame your kids/DH/pets, whatever works.

Silently correcting errors won't help her to improve. Why are you getting work she already completed? Why isn't she just submitting it?

If she hints at you picking up work, don't take the bait. "I'm sure it will all work itself out", " I don't have capacity to pick that up at the moment I'm afraid".

If she calls you at the end of your day then just don't answer and drop her an email saying "sorry Sue, just logging off but available to speak in the morning". Then log straight off and forward your phone to voicemail.

Your job sounds like it's great and really suits you and your lifestyle. I really think if you take back a bit of control and establish some boundaries you'll be able to make it work.

Learning to handle annoying colleagues is a skill, it gets easier the more you do it. Once you've started establishing boundaries it gets easier to keep reinforcing them. Good luck!

The only reason you need to not give lifts is that you don't want to.

I really is that simple.

It's up to her to get to work and not your responsibility.

Seriously you need to be more assertive. Stop taking calls at the end of the working day and correcting her work.

Just because she's phoning it doesn't mean that you have to pick up the phone. If it's close to knocking off time and you can see her calling on teams or on the phone then ignore it. Be much less available to her, you don't work for her.

Don't do anything verbally. Ask her to put her request in an email and you'll have a look at it. If she refuses to email you, then email her "Following your phonemail of 10.14 am today, you have asked me to do X as you are too busy/lazy/unwell." That way there is a record of how much of her work you are doing.

STOP fucking volunteering! When she says something is 'too hard' for her, keep you mouth shut, use duct tape or a ball gag or something if you need to but DO NOT SPEAK. If she's not able to do something then it's up to someone above her to organise training or reassign work. If you keep covering for her then probably everyone above you and her will think she's pulling her weight. If she directly says you should do it then say that she should run it past your manager first as the manager will need to transfer some of your tasks to her to make enough time. Don't agree to do it, keep saying "I'll wait to hear from manager after you've spoken to her/him".

The lift thing is ages in the future, if she brings it up again then just say that you have no recollection of offering her a lift and, in fact, it won't be possible as it doesn't suit you.

I'm not saying that you have to be more assertive because I think you would find that stressful, but you definitely have to distance yourself from her. Don't offer anything. Say (in an email) that you'll run it past the manager before you take on any of her roles. If she's saying things that you don't want to hear, like changing work day, then just go 'mmm, not sure really' and ignore.