Nightmare work colleague - thinking of resigning but like my job!

[ItsNotCricket]

First job in 10 years after raising DC. Thought I’d hit the jackpot - wfh, decent pay, part time flexible hours, interesting content and challenging enough not to be boring, and lovely similar age to myself ladies as managers and colleagues.

My close colleague, let’s call her Sue, and I do the same job. She’s full time, I’m part time and we share the work between us.

I kind of got a ‘ffs really’ impression of Sue as soon as I met her but put it to one side as first impressions are not always correct.

Within a few days, Sue dropped into conversation that her best friend had applied for my job but didn’t get it and she’s not sure why. That rather took me aback and I got the idea that Sue would rather her friend have got it. It was not really necessary to say and put me on edge.

She started 6 months earlier than me but still needed a lot of training. I picked stuff up pretty quickly (not boasting honestly!) so was given harder and more complicated tasks to complete therefore making my work load quite heavy, As a part timer. it really should be the other way round no?

I didn’t mind going over my hours at the start as thought I’m still learning, it’ll get less as I am quicker.

Sue started a habit of calling me at my finish time to talk (she likes to talk) so making me finish even later. She has also started trying to pass stuff onto me that she should be doing herself. I notice lots of mistakes in her work which I correct without comment.

I also notice that she seems to do hardly any work and I’m doing much more than her despite doing a third less hours. It’s really starting to get me down now.

On group calls, she’ll have her dogs barking or having diarrhoea and will leave the call or doesn’t shut up and we’re stuck on it for ages. She’s constantly complaining the work is too hard so thereby prompting me say I’ll take over etc.

She has asked me to change my day off as she thinks it better I take a different day off. It was agreed before I started and I want to change it but she’s constantly bringing it up.

The last straw for me is that we’ve been told we’re moving to hybrid working later this year. 2 days in the office. Sue does not drive so has made a big thing about having to get a bus and how long it’ll take her. She asked me if I’d pick her up and take her with me. I wasn’t prepared for it so just said ‘umm right’. It’s not the kind of thing I’d ever ask, I’d wait for an offer. I don’t want to give her a bloody lift as can’t stand her even though she is happy to pay for petrol, not that I’d take any money as I’m going anyway. She also uses her not driving as an excuse for me to go into the office and do the post!

I’m actually thinking of leaving due to not wanting to work with her. All my other colleagues are lovely, work hard and are super helpful. I can’t believe my shit luck that I’ve got her to work with!

AIBU?

You need to find your self respect and not bow to her every whim. Stop taking on her work, if she says she is finding it too difficult point her in the direction of her line manager for help.

I do think you need to change your attitude about part time though. Why do you think the harder work should go to the person working full time?

Congratulations on your new job OP.

I’m actually thinking of leaving due to not wanting to work with her. All my other colleagues are lovely, work hard and are super helpful. I can’t believe my shit luck that I’ve got her to work with!
But everyone else is great, you hit the jackpot with working conditions & love the job - so stop with the self-sabotage already!

Rightho - you need to reframe this.
Sue is not a "nightmare colleague" she's just an annoying woman who you are unnecessarily deferring to.

Sue started a habit of calling me at my finish time to talk (she likes to talk) so making me finish even later.
"Sorry Sue, can't chat, need to finish up now, catch you tomorrow BYE"

She has also started trying to pass stuff onto me that she should be doing herself. I notice lots of mistakes in her work which I correct without comment.
Why are you accepting her additional workload?
She's not your line manager & has no authority to dump on you.
When you stop doing her work for her, you won't need to correct her mistakes.
"No Sue, I'm too busy with my own workload I can't take on any more."

I also notice that she seems to do hardly any work and I’m doing much more than her despite doing a third less hours. It’s really starting to get me down now.
Stop noticing what she does.
Stop comparing & being pissed off about it. Be pleased that you are out-performing her. Bring it up at your next review or even at a regular 1-on-1 with your line manager "I believe my productivity is good compared with the output of full time colleagues, are you happy with how I am doing?" should highlight it nicely for you.

On group calls, she’ll have her dogs barking or having diarrhoea and will leave the call or doesn’t shut up and we’re stuck on it for ages.
"Sue I can't hear you for the barking, can you shut them in another room?"
"Sue, we can't discuss this all day, we all need to get back to (task) so let's cover off the necessary points & crack on."
Not sure what you want anyone to advise you about her having diarrhoea ... I doubt she manufactured that one to spite you!

She’s constantly complaining the work is too hard so thereby prompting me say I’ll take over etc.
Well that's just daft. Why are you making yourself the author of your own misfortune?
"Yes it is hard sometimes isn't it, that's why I need to crack on - catch you later, BYE"

She has asked me to change my day off as she thinks it better I take a different day off. It was agreed before I started and I want to change it but she’s constantly bringing it up.
"No thank you."
& do not engage further.
How many times are you going to need telling - she is not the boss of you?!

The last straw for me is that we’ve been told we’re moving to hybrid working later this year. 2 days in the office. Sue does not drive so has made a big thing about having to get a bus and how long it’ll take her. She asked me if I’d pick her up and take her with me. I wasn’t prepared for it so just said ‘umm right’. It’s not the kind of thing I’d ever ask, I’d wait for an offer. I don’t want to give her a bloody lift as can’t stand her even though she is happy to pay for petrol, not that I’d take any money as I’m going anyway. She also uses her not driving as an excuse for me to go into the office and do the post!
"No, I won't be able to provide you with transport."
"No, that doesn't work for me"
"No, I can't commit to that."
"No thank you."

TL:DR stop responding to her as if she is your boss, & she will stop bossing you.

I wouldn't do this.

"Boss, I can't cope with a colleague who dislikes me, distracts me, & dumps her work on me."

Sort it out yourself OP. Don't go running to teacher. You'll feel way better when you've tackled this woman yourself. No need for any confrontation - just learn how to use the word "no".

Your manager will not know that any of this is causing problems unless you tell them. You are correcting Sue’s work without comment so a) Sue isn’t actually learning how to do anything properly and b) your managers will be assuming she is competent when she isn’t.

You also need to stop volunteering to take on work she finds ‘too hard’. Just nod and say ‘Yeah, it sounds like a challenge but I’m sure you can manage it. Have a chat with [manager] if you’re struggling.’

Obviously don’t change your day off. It’s none of her bloody business.

The lifts thing: send her an email saying ‘Hi Sue - the other day you were wondering if I could give you a regular lift to the office. I’ve been having a think and now that I’ve had time to think about the practicalities I don’t think it would actually work for me - sorry about that. Wanted to let you know in plenty of time so you’ve got time to make other arrangements and check out bus times etc.’

This woman is a colleague, not your friend. You dont have to bend over backwards for her. Just be polite and professional and do your own work and leave her to get on with hers. Ignore her if she calls you late in the day. I have a colleague who used to do that a lot and I now just ignore her incoming call. Sometimes I message her in the morning and say ‘Sorry, saw I had a missed call from you around 4.45pm yesterday - I was in the middle of sorting something so I wasn’t able to pick up. Can schedule in a 15 minute chat today if it’s important though?’

Needless to say, it is never important enough for her to schedule a call the next day.

Thanks for replies. TBF it’s easy to say put your big girl pants on but I have to consider the fall out and with such a strong personality there will be a fallout! I have no reason to refuse her lifts other than I don’t want to give her one and would perhaps look churlish.

You don't "have to consider the fallout".
If there is any - & you'll be amazed at how a few applications of the word "no" works to reduce the cheeky fuckerdom of people who manipulate you by making you fear "fallout" - you simply deal with it in the same way you are going to be dealing with Sue in future.
You put up your barrier (it is the word "no") & hide yourself behind it.
Whatever she says, whatever pass-agg or whinging or hinting or bossing she attempts - you simply respond "no can do" & ignore her.

Here's how - psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2018/03/dealing-with-difficult-family-members-dont-justify-argue-defend-or-explain#Codependency-and-unhealthy-communication

OP,

You are getting excellent advice above.

The truth is a lot of what is causing problems are your own making.

Stop correcting her work.
Stop offering to do her work. Be silent.
Stop answering the phone at the end of the day.

You have children, there is absolutely NO question of you being her lift.
Spell that out to her firmly.

You are contracted for days that suit your family. End of.

I mean this VERY kindly, but if you are prepared to give up a job that suits you, because of the above, the workplace really isn't for you.

Do the above, stick it out for one year and start looking.

At the very least start looking for another job whilst in this job.

I think you will bitterly regret leaving for such reasons as you have given.

They are all fixable.

You don't have to have fallout. Honestly. Just be prepared.

Don't do her work, don't correct her mistakes. Save copies of documents a different version so she can't sabotage you.

Don't mention the lift. If she asks again say 'no, i can't commit to anyone elses schedule'.

If her dogs are barking or she is talking too much, that is the senior persons job to manage. If it is just the two of you, tell her you will book another call in when she is able to talk and end the call.

And do not answer her calls at the end of the day!

This is why Sue wanted her friend to get your job! Because she probably could have manoeuvred her friend quite easily into making her life easier, because her friend might have felt some obligation.

But luckily for you, you are not her friend! You are not obliged to make her life easier, nor are you responsible for her work issues. It's very interesting that you say that her voicing her struggles with work prompted you to offer help.

Because you seeing that as your prompt to step in is where your problem lies.

Be careful that you don't get in the position of wanting to please her, or wanting her to like you! She doesn't need to like you. You need a good professional distance not a friendship.

So much good advice on this thread OP, are you finding it helpful?

Stop correcting her work and picking up her slack. She’s taking the piss and you are making it easy for her. If you hadn’t already bern doing this for months I guarantee that she either be on some sort of performance review or out of the door already.

Stop this now. No more calls at the end of the day, she isn’t your boss so you’re not obliged to speak to her. Make a point of starting each group call with ‘I have a lot of work to get through today so if we could keep this within schedule I would be really grateful’. No one is going to criticise you for wanting meetings to be as brief and efficient as possible. Finally as I’ve already said, stop picking up her work and correcting her errors. It’s not your job to make her look good, you’ve enough on your plate. If she wasn’t such a lazy cow and it was an odd mistake I wouldn’t hesitate but she’s taking advantage and the only person who can put a stop to it is you.

“No, sorry that doesn’t work for me.”

^^in response to giving her a lift.

”I’ve got to go now Sue let’s speak tomorrow.”

^^in regards to her calling when your finishing.

”I’d love to help but I’m snowed under.”

^^in regards to doing her work.

keep repeating all of the above / variations of the same till she gets the message.

Pin these to your screen so that you can look at them when you are on the phone and need a ready answer to blow her off.

You do realise, @ItsNotCricket , that you don't work for "Sue" and she isn't your boss...

She's a colleague, simple as that. If she can't manager her workload or will struggle to get to work as she doesn't drive, then tough shit! That's her problem, not yours

“I also notice that she seems to do hardly any work and I’m doing much more than her despite doing a third less hours. It’s really starting to get me down now“

You’re wasting way too much headspace on her. It doesn’t matter what she does or doesn’t do, as long as you’re not forced to work extra unpaid hours to cover her work.

I’ve experienced so many times that I do more work than some colleagues. As a direct result - both due to my attitude and the extra skills I developed - I’ve been promoted many times.

Forget about her, do your job.

Does it matter if she complains? It's not your responsibility to get her to work. How would she manage without you?

Just say it doesn't suit you or you like the time in the car in the morning to think.

You do need to woman up. Otherwise nothing will change and this woman will carry on taking the piss.

Get this person off your back right now

Tell her you can’t give her a lift-tell her it’s too limiting/restrictive, you don’t want the tie. Be honest, dilemmas about why you don’t want to give her a lift.

You are feeling down because you have yourself someone who is deliberately doing things so sneakily that you feel that to try to improve things will be difficult because you know that you are seeing a pattern, but at the same time you can see that Sue is so sly that she’s almost definetly going to paint anything you point out in the way that this pattern can easily be interpreted and the fact she started 6 months previous to you and is full time will be something that she is aware can look the opposite of how she is making them seem to you. For eg calling you at the end of your shift she can make it seem that you are someone who is not willing to work a minute over though in reality you are doing lots of extra work but you are not making this obvious because you don’t want to look petty and you don’t want other colleagues to think that you think that you do the job better. Be wary of thi because I can tell you it’s almost certain that she is deliberately making it seem to you that she can’t cope with the work but she can and if you did try to make it official you would not be able to show evidence that you’ve been correcting the work so much as you are doing it without comment and she’s doing that on purpose and loving this as it’s frustrating you and she’s no doubt expecting that eventually you will make something of it and that will be when she suddenly is surprisingly competent and able to prove her abilities and she will act like you’ve made it up to make her look bad. All you can do is continue to make it seem like you are correcting her work but then when she least expects it you then apologise for not having time to do it as always and say that you completely forgot to tell her so that she would have time to correct it and you make sure that this is overheard but sounds super friendly and kind to the people you want to hear it and even reassure her that we all have our strengths and weaknesses and assure her that you know that if you have something that you need help with you know that she would do the same for you and say that being part time can focus the mind on work more simply because you know you have less time in which to complete it and you will sound so self depreciating and reassuring that she will not be able to contradict you without looking ridiculous. Far from you allowing this to happen you have been doing what you do as you care about the job and as it’s a shared job you feel that it reflects on you the same even though she is full time. If you would like to be paid properly for the extra work perhaps even start talking to the colleague when she stops you at the work me of work about evening up the hours and perhaps working separate weeks completely 50/50 and she will hate the idea and want you to shut up and leave immediately and that will be another problem dealt with. Try it I urge you lol xxxx

Is the work that you correct the sort where changes show, and/or does she email you to ask you to check it, or phone?

You need to make sure there's an audit trail of the way you're helping her, in case she is as manipulative as the PP suggests.

And make sure you show you are working at least up to your finishing time, preferably after, by sending emails or you making calls, in case she says you knock off early.

I’m thinking it would be good to talk to your manager so that you don’t feel worried about her then talking to her if you stand up for yourself.

I’d keep it really professional and perhaps mention that you don’t have time to keep picking up her work and so are going to be minimising this.

Then if Sue does complain to her, she has the background.

You have had great advice here OP and definitely need to learn to say no and assert your boundaries. It is very empowering to know you can hold your own.

is it bad that a part of me hopes you pick Sue up and take her into work via the dry cleaners, doctors, dentist, school run etc and then home via the shops, visiting a friend etc and make her wait in the car?!

@ItsNotCricket How's it going? Hope you are finding ways to put Sue back in her box 🙂

I hope you haven’t picked her up OP