Nightmare work colleague - thinking of resigning but like my job!

[ItsNotCricket]

First job in 10 years after raising DC. Thought I’d hit the jackpot - wfh, decent pay, part time flexible hours, interesting content and challenging enough not to be boring, and lovely similar age to myself ladies as managers and colleagues.

My close colleague, let’s call her Sue, and I do the same job. She’s full time, I’m part time and we share the work between us.

I kind of got a ‘ffs really’ impression of Sue as soon as I met her but put it to one side as first impressions are not always correct.

Within a few days, Sue dropped into conversation that her best friend had applied for my job but didn’t get it and she’s not sure why. That rather took me aback and I got the idea that Sue would rather her friend have got it. It was not really necessary to say and put me on edge.

She started 6 months earlier than me but still needed a lot of training. I picked stuff up pretty quickly (not boasting honestly!) so was given harder and more complicated tasks to complete therefore making my work load quite heavy, As a part timer. it really should be the other way round no?

I didn’t mind going over my hours at the start as thought I’m still learning, it’ll get less as I am quicker.

Sue started a habit of calling me at my finish time to talk (she likes to talk) so making me finish even later. She has also started trying to pass stuff onto me that she should be doing herself. I notice lots of mistakes in her work which I correct without comment.

I also notice that she seems to do hardly any work and I’m doing much more than her despite doing a third less hours. It’s really starting to get me down now.

On group calls, she’ll have her dogs barking or having diarrhoea and will leave the call or doesn’t shut up and we’re stuck on it for ages. She’s constantly complaining the work is too hard so thereby prompting me say I’ll take over etc.

She has asked me to change my day off as she thinks it better I take a different day off. It was agreed before I started and I want to change it but she’s constantly bringing it up.

The last straw for me is that we’ve been told we’re moving to hybrid working later this year. 2 days in the office. Sue does not drive so has made a big thing about having to get a bus and how long it’ll take her. She asked me if I’d pick her up and take her with me. I wasn’t prepared for it so just said ‘umm right’. It’s not the kind of thing I’d ever ask, I’d wait for an offer. I don’t want to give her a bloody lift as can’t stand her even though she is happy to pay for petrol, not that I’d take any money as I’m going anyway. She also uses her not driving as an excuse for me to go into the office and do the post!

I’m actually thinking of leaving due to not wanting to work with her. All my other colleagues are lovely, work hard and are super helpful. I can’t believe my shit luck that I’ve got her to work with!

AIBU?

Not giving her a lift doesn't look churlish

It just means you don't want to give her a lift (for a million reasons)

You say there will be fallout but you are thinking about quitting! It doesn't get much worse than that. It's easier said that done I know, but she is not your friend and you don't owe her anything.

Kill the lifts thing now.
Email her.
Say, “you asked me to think about giving you a lift” (use wording that says you didn’t accept to do it at the time).
Then say, “I don’t think it’d work - we won’t have all the same days, and I’m usually doing stuff on the way home - getting my shopping whilst I’m out, stopping at gym.”
Don’t apologise.
If she challenges, stick to, “no, it won’t work for me.”
Get it in writing now that you’ve refused.

The only thing I’d disagree with you on, is the idea of a lighter workload for a part timer. Hours should be contracted hours for either contract. How hard the workload is depends on your skill. Embrace your ability, and progress.

surely the amount of work you are expected to do should be pro-rata.

it’s not reasonable to expect a PT person to just do a FT workload more quickly.

There is always a Sue. Stop making a rod for your own back and set some boundaries. Don’t leave a job that is otherwise working for you x

Technically giving someone a lift to work might have insurance implications. I know driving during working hours to take a colleague somewhere can often mean you need business cover.

But you really don't need a reason.
(I don't like driving people cos it makes me anxious at being judged on my driving skills.) Just say that you don't want the commitment of being her transport to work. Her getting to work is her issue, not yours. She surely had a plan when she accepted the job?

Don’t leave because of her. She has basically intimidated you in picking up the slack for her.

The host of the meetings should be controlling her more eg placing her on mute if there’s vomiting noises in the background or strategically getting her to wrap up what she’s saying if she’s waffling on. Meetings can’t run on over their allotted time.

You don’t need to justify why a lift will not be happening. It’s not normal for colleagues to give each other lifts when they’re not friendly like this. Presumably she has to travel on her own during her personal life, she’ll figure it out

The thing is about giving lifts, it is a pain as she may be running late, you do have to go out of your way or stop to pick her up. And you can't spontaneously decide to go shopping etc. If you really liked her then it would be worth the hassle but as you don't, then say no.

I would speak to your manager. Be honest.

Be strategic about the way you approach this: things like lifts have nothing to do with your manager so steer clear of bringing it up. Same with calls - just don't pick up. Don't volunteer to do Sue's work - that's on you if you do.

What does concern your manager is you doing Sue's work for her, correcting mistakes. I would actually not be impressed if I were your manager, as it would make it harder for me to identify if there is a performance issue on Sue's side so I can address that. It's not your job to fill Sue's gaps unless you're asked to - so I would strongly advise stopping that right now.

What will Sue do - complain to your manager?

If you really think she will, and somehow twist it to make it look like you're not a team player, I would bring it up with your manager first. This is crucial, though: as an FYI ("I've been doing XYZ when Sue asked me to, I assume you want me to focus on ABC the coming weeks so I do not expect to have bandwidth for extra work"), not complaining about Sue.

The best way to keep it professional is to focus on what impacts your workload and priorities - don't bring Sue into it at all.

Take the personal out of it (I know it's hard!) and work will be so much more pleasant. Sue might resign if she has to do her own work and organise her own commute, don't get in the way of that...

You really need to toughen up. Stop working for free, stop picking up her work, if she asks you for a lift again say "no i can't". Don't need to give a reason. If she phones you at the end of your shift, don't pick up or be more assertive to end the call "sorry sue, just noticed the time, my shifts ended now lets pick this up tomorrow".

“I have personal commitments which mean I am not able to offer lifts”.
if asked what they are, you say “it’s personal. I’m sorry lifts are not a favour that I can do for you”. Use the word word favour - she is asking you for something. You’re not the bad guy who will not help, you are a busy woman with a full diary who cannot do her the favour she is asking for”. On no account get drawn into discussion about the specifics or timings of your day with her or any manager. You are entitled to arrange your personal diary as you see fit. Smiling resistance is your best weapon.

Some good points made by PP, definitely you need to disengage and create distance and boundaries between you! And no dont even think about driving her! You need to retrain yourself to not respond to her seeking help. She now knows you will do it so won't stop.

I also really love ask a manager www.askamanager.org/2014/10/how-to-deal-with-a-lazy-coworker.html

I totally understand you not wanting to rock the boat or be seen as churlish, but I honestly think you’ve been too nice. It’ll be difficult to say no initially but once you’ve done it a few times, it will become easier. You don’t have to be unpleasant, just firm.

I think many of us have worked with a ‘Sue’ and it’s not an easy situation to be in, but don’t let someone ruin your experience at work with their cheeky-fuckery! You don’t owe her anything.

My journey to and from the office is always me time. Gearing up for the day ahead and winding down from the working day on the way home. I'd hate to be cooped up in a car with anyone, never mind someone I can't stand. It's ok to say no, and that it doesn't work for you.

1. Don’t answer her calls within half an hour of finishing time.
2. Stop quietly correcting her mistakes!
3. Leave the call when she faffs.
4. Stop doing more than your fair share of work.

All those things can be done quietly and without conflict.

As to the lifts, write yourself a script and stick to it. “ah sorry Sue, I’ve had a think and that just isn’t going to work for me.” REPEAT.

She sounds annoying but to a very large degree this sounds like it's of your own making - you've allowed her to exploit you and you aren't helping anyone doing things like correcting her work without comment. If she doesn't know that you are fixing mistakes she is just going to keep making them over and over again.

And as for the lifts - just say no. That's it. It's really easy.

You've been out of the workforce for 10 years @ItsNotCricket . These are pretty minor matters which you need to learn how to ignore, bat back, or escalate up.

The only reasonably concerning things is that you need to strategise how you deal with your workload. So talk this through with your line manager in your probation review. But pleeeeese don't raise your niggles with your colleague, or suggest she's incompetent. You could mention that you've noticed that you are taking on the more complex matters, and that as you're part-time, your manager will need to liaise with both you and "Sue" to complete them and so on.

But if you raise the niggles that are in your OP you'll come across as trivial and a bit bitchy.

Learn to smile and nod (only DON'T nod at the suggestions of changing your working days or giving her lifts).

Don't say this - it gives her lots of wiggle room. Agree with the PP who said you should simply say "I've thought about your request for lifts to work and I've realised it won't work for me. Sorry but I'm unable to do this favour for you" and leave it at that.

I really think you would find assertiveness training useful. I don't meant that horribly; but you really are allowing her to walk all over you

I notice lots of mistakes in her work which I correct without comment.

Why are you correcting her work? You need to stop this right now.

This is great advice.
Don't let someone you don't even like impinge on your life outside work. How on earth can you even consider changing your working days, making you finish late or giving up time to drive her to work?

You don't owe her anything, and you don't need to please her. Just be polite and and avoid her whenever possible. Say nothing when she hints at you picking up her work and if she outright asks you say you don't have capacity. Definitely stop taking her calls at the end of the day.

Don't give her any reason for no lifts or she will take it as a negotiation. Just say ,' that's not going to work for me'. I do sympathize OP, it is hard dealing with bulldozer people when you are naturally polite and helpful. Standing up to them is a great skill to develop.

I agree with this OP. There's always some chancer you'll need interaction with to varying degrees wherever you go. Do try and take some of the good advice you've been given here on how to deal with Sue. It would be such a shame to give up a perfectly good job, that you enjoy and do well, because she's manipulating you. Absolutely stop doing her work for her - that's taking time and effort out of the performance of your own job, on which you will be appraised and by your manager. Also if she wrong foots you again, in the way she did asking you for a lift, absolutely use delay tactics to give yourself time to respond appropriately. Eg: I'm not sure that will work for me - let me come back to you. Then email her, politely, but effectively saying no - don't give her reasons why it doesn't work for you as, like all CF's, she'll just keep on with reasons why you could help her out to your detriment.

Being assertive with people like this can be difficult at first, but it does get better with practice. Good luck - and don't give up your job! 🌹