How should this holiday bill be split?

[aibuuname]

AIBU to think we are being short changed in this set up? As a disclaimer I don't think I will kick up a fuss this time as its a pretty good deal regardless but interested to see what would be considered normal for such a situation incase it arises again.
4 couples, 2 couples have 2 young children each between 3-7, one couple has a small baby and myself and DH are childless. We are all going away for 4 nights booked for September. Now I love my friends children and am excited to spend time with them all as we all live spread out and its been hard to see each other often due to covid etc. However its been assumed the villa bill will be split 4 ways is this normal? all my previous trips where pre-children with this group or with other childless couples. It feels a bit like us and the couple with the baby are subsidizing the cost of the older children as they will be sharing 2 rooms between them and therefore it would be fairer if the bill was split by room. Particularly as a 4 bed villa would cost quite a bit less than a 6 bed one.
As I say I don't plan to cause a fuss over this as its a good deal, i'm excited to go and we can afford it but I'm wondering if this is normal and cautious about setting up a precedent for any future trips.

nor do the people who have children who take up more space. It's going to cost them a lot more because of meals and activities anyway, and they're our friends.

That's very generous of you, but surely that's just their everyday life - having to pay the costs incurred by children - not just when they're on holiday. Most parents expect to meet the costs of having children themselves when they decide to have them. It's not being unfriendly to think that parents will pay for their own kids; if anything, I'd say it's not being friendly of them to allow you to subsidise their kids.

Yeah probably split by room. Although we often rent villas on holidays and I don't usually see big price differences between 4 or 6 beds...its normally things like having the pool heated, an amazing view or super modern furnishings that push up the price.

Not the most helpful reply here but I think for me the real issue is that they've not broached the topic or brought the matter into the open from the outset and in some ways that is also just telling of an individual's character.

We're only about to start going on holidays with other families but I know that if there was a particular decision that might be a little controversial or could lead to upset/offence, each one of us would bring it up and settle the matter from the start.

Unfortunately it looks like it's left to you to bring it up and personally I would. If the other couples are offended or disagree with you then it sounds like it could be your last holiday with them but given their stance, that's probably for the best.

The way I see it is this - if you were to stay in a hotel, rather than a villa, the couple with children would have to pay more for their family suite, than you would pay for your double (or the couple for the baby would pay for their double room, with a cot put in). So, by room is fair.

Yes, that is a very good way of looking at it @SaveMePlease. I think sometimes people with children are so horrified by how much everything now costs that they feel a bit resentful and think they should be subsidised by their mates to make up for the unfairness of it all.

But it's no one else's problem that if you have two children, you are now 4 people rather than 2. It's simply maths!

I don't know. I always just saw it as getting accommodation that was suitable for us all, then we split the cost of the whole property between the adults. Various friends have been out of work at different points in time, and they've still been invited with the accommodation costs covered by the rest of us. They just needed to cover their other expenses. But maybe that's not normal for other friendship groups. No one takes the piss, though. It's not like each child gets a room of their own with en-suit.

By room seems fairest but as pp have discussed it depends on the actual deal your friends found.

If a 6 bed is better value and has more features than a 4 bed then it should be discussed.

It's not like each child gets a room of their own with en-suite.

If you read the OP though, you'll see this is exactly what the children will have! @aibuuname says that the 6 bedrooms are all large doubles with en suites.

Split by room is the fairest way.

Why should people with children be subsidised by people without children. They chose to have children. Makes me think of a friend who thought people with children should be starting work later and leaving earlier but getting paid the same. Great bat shit entitlement

I was talking about my friends. But also, you're wrong. The OP says there are 4 children sharing 2 rooms.

Defo split by bedrooms. Maybe suggest a 4 bed instead?!!

Me too. It wouldn't have entered my head to split if by rooms and not to split it by number of families. I'd be happy to chip in for the kids if that's how it's even seen.

It wouldn't have entered my head to split if by rooms and not to split it by number of families.

Crikey! Really? Even if your family were using 2 rooms, and another family only using one room??? That's quite thoughtless.

I don't know. I always just saw it as getting accommodation that was suitable for us all, then we split the cost of the whole property between the adults. Various friends have been out of work at different points in time, and they've still been invited with the accommodation costs covered by the rest of us. They just needed to cover their other expenses. But maybe that's not normal for other friendship groups. No one takes the piss, though. It's not like each child gets a room of their own with en-suit.

I meant it sincerely when I said it was generous of you. If that works for you, then great; although I detect (hopefully correctly) from your post that those who are less able to contribute are invited/told that they're very welcome regardless. I don't think that's necessarily unusual in a lot of close friendship groups where some people have genuine circumstances of hardship.

That's very different indeed from going ahead and booking it and then just assuming that the split of the costs will be done in such a way that will significantly benefit your family, without even asking the others first - not even because you're particularly hard up, but just that you fancy scoring yourself a lovely Brucie bonus.

I think logically it would be split by room, but I also think that these are your friends and you like them enough to go on holiday with so asking them to pay double is bit much. I think the other argument for the couples with older children to pay the difference between 4 and 6 bed villa (if you can even work that out ) is fairer, but it is also much harder for you to suggest, it is really up to them to say ' we'll pay a bit more because the children have their own room'. Or they may make up for it in other ways when you're not on holiday so it all comes out in the wash. If they don't you might not want to go with them again.

In this instance it should definitely be split by room. If the family with the children using the extra room/s argue otherwise, then you'll know they were CF trying to take advantage of the rest of the group. Hopefully that isn't the case.