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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How should this holiday bill be split?

143 replies

aibuuname · 19/05/2022 13:21

AIBU to think we are being short changed in this set up? As a disclaimer I don't think I will kick up a fuss this time as its a pretty good deal regardless but interested to see what would be considered normal for such a situation incase it arises again.
4 couples, 2 couples have 2 young children each between 3-7, one couple has a small baby and myself and DH are childless. We are all going away for 4 nights booked for September. Now I love my friends children and am excited to spend time with them all as we all live spread out and its been hard to see each other often due to covid etc. However its been assumed the villa bill will be split 4 ways is this normal? all my previous trips where pre-children with this group or with other childless couples. It feels a bit like us and the couple with the baby are subsidizing the cost of the older children as they will be sharing 2 rooms between them and therefore it would be fairer if the bill was split by room. Particularly as a 4 bed villa would cost quite a bit less than a 6 bed one.
As I say I don't plan to cause a fuss over this as its a good deal, i'm excited to go and we can afford it but I'm wondering if this is normal and cautious about setting up a precedent for any future trips.

OP posts:
Indicatrice · 19/05/2022 17:22

Because the cost would be lower if it was a 4 bedroom house. OP and her friend with a baby are paying towards 2 extra rooms that they don’t need, but the two other couples do need.

Clymene · 19/05/2022 17:25

Oblomov22 · 19/05/2022 17:20

Unlike others I don't think he room rate applies here. Just split the cost between adults. If one couple has kids and uses one of the spare rooms, What difference does that make to you financially. How much extra food and electricity are too tiny children really gonna add on.
I strongly disagree with all those saying kids pay for room. £4000 for bills, 6 adults, £666 each.

A 4 double bedroom villa with all en-suite bedrooms is significantly cheaper than a 6 bedroom one.

I know, because I have been on many big villa holidays with varying group sizes.

lameasahorse · 19/05/2022 17:33

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lameasahorse · 19/05/2022 17:35

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Femalewoman · 19/05/2022 17:36

Yep, you are paying for the children to have their own rooms... not on.

lameasahorse · 19/05/2022 17:38

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Twospaniels · 19/05/2022 17:48

When we went on holiday with another family, we had 2 children who shared a room, they had 1 child who had his own room. So each family had 2 rooms, however we split the costs 4/7 for us and 3/7 for them.

tomatoesomtoast · 19/05/2022 17:51

Sofasogood1 · 19/05/2022 13:27

Obviously by room. I hate it when people do this. I'm still sore about a self catering holiday I went on with friends years ago when everyone took turns to cook - the couples cooked together and split the food bill between them. As the only single I had to pay on my own for everyone's dinner one night. Very unfair.

I'd just drop them a message and say - aren't we paying for the bedrooms we're using?'

I absolutely hate this!!!!! It happens to me ALL THE TIME. The convenient assumption that you split based on household even though some households are dual income.
I once raised it when we were splitting food shop costs on holiday (two working parents with three kids, two working parents with two kids v me (one working adult and my two) and said it didn't seem fair as everyone else was a double income family and I was a single income family. But everyone (all couples) seemed to think it was perfectly fair!

Sharrowgirl · 19/05/2022 17:52

Twospaniels · 19/05/2022 17:48

When we went on holiday with another family, we had 2 children who shared a room, they had 1 child who had his own room. So each family had 2 rooms, however we split the costs 4/7 for us and 3/7 for them.

You were robbed, that should’ve been split 50/50.

The point is that the accommodation is priced by number of rooms, not number of people. If you rented a six bed villa and only two people went, you’d still have to pay the full price to the owner.

Vikinga · 19/05/2022 17:56

I have 4 kids so when we have been away with friends, we do pay more because we use more rooms. One of my friends is a single mum with one child - would be really unfair to expect her to pay the same as us 6.

AcrossthePond55 · 19/05/2022 18:01

aibuuname · 19/05/2022 17:12

I think this is pretty much what me and DH have decided to do, the couple booking it and suggesting its split 4 ways found and booked the villa and it really is a bargain because of the dates we are going so this time we will just suck it up to keep the peace. If it happens again though I will be assuming its CF behavior and saying something.
Food wise its been pretty much agreed we are all happy to eat dinner out each night and when we've eaten out previously with kids around everyone just puts in what they ate + tip so i'm not worried about that. I will go prepared to speak up if anyone suggests anything different or takes the piss with grocery shopping.

Problem with this is you're now setting the precedent that costs will be split 4 ways. If you raise the issue next holiday they'll say "But you were happy to split last time" and it will become a big 'thing'.

If you're happy to go along this time, fine. But I think something needs to be said privately now for next time along the lines of "We are happy to split 4 ways this time because it wasn't discussed ahead of time how we were going to pay and you've already made the reservation. But for future holidays I think we need to talk about how things are going to be split before any booking is made".

BFF and I used to take annual Disney trips, staying onsite. When she started bringing her DD along the onsite room didn't increase. But if we stayed elsewhere before moving to Disney property or after we left Disney property, she paid any increase. I think it's only fair that the person who 'causes' the increase, pays the increase.

HappyCup · 19/05/2022 18:14

aibuuname · 19/05/2022 17:12

I think this is pretty much what me and DH have decided to do, the couple booking it and suggesting its split 4 ways found and booked the villa and it really is a bargain because of the dates we are going so this time we will just suck it up to keep the peace. If it happens again though I will be assuming its CF behavior and saying something.
Food wise its been pretty much agreed we are all happy to eat dinner out each night and when we've eaten out previously with kids around everyone just puts in what they ate + tip so i'm not worried about that. I will go prepared to speak up if anyone suggests anything different or takes the piss with grocery shopping.

If it’s a good deal for you then it’s a good deal for them too. And even more so if you also pay for their kids. They’re CF and you should pay by room.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 19/05/2022 18:19

Probably unfair by person, but fair by room? I think it would still be cheaper for you than your old 1/4 share so they’d actually be subsiding you!

Why would readjusting the split to make it fairer for everybody mean that OP and DH would then be being subsidised? Confused

I don't get the 'justification' that children don't earn anything and so shouldn't be paid for at all. Of course the children won't be paying for themselves, but their parents should be covering their own children's costs, if they're having their own rooms and thus increasing the overall cost for a larger villa.

Children cost money - everybody knows that; and that's why most responsible people consider those costs before they decide when/whether to have children and how many. It is a CF move to assume that other people will pay for/subsidise your children.

Nobody would be suggesting that a family needing a 3 or 4-bedroom house should expect to pay the same to buy/rent it as the childfree couple in the 1-bedroom place next door pay, just because the children themselves don't earn any money (except they actually sort of do, if you include child benefit and any child tax credits, which a person/couple without children will obviously not receive).

As for buying rounds, couples expecting to be counted as one 'unit' when drinking with a group including single adults should be smartly disabused of that notion. Fair enough if they're one of the many couples where the woman never goes up to the bar herself, but assuming they're both drinking, that means the man needs to go twice as often - once for his own turn and once for hers.

Having said that, rounds only really work if everybody is drinking pretty much the same thing - they're ripe for the CFing if you have people seeking to take full advantage of being subbed (ordering a Coke when they're paying and a double whisky when somebody else is).

hellomeownow · 19/05/2022 18:22

@tomatoesomtoast it should have been split based on there being only one adult in your party, not because you’re a single income household.

what about SAHM or if one couple earns more? You can’t base it on income.

tomatoesomtoast · 19/05/2022 18:30

hellomeownow · 19/05/2022 18:22

@tomatoesomtoast it should have been split based on there being only one adult in your party, not because you’re a single income household.

what about SAHM or if one couple earns more? You can’t base it on income.

yes, as I typed that that's what I was thinking. adults not income. but you get the gist.

Clymene · 19/05/2022 18:42

That is a very good point @AcrossthePond55

FWIW I am still really pissed off at splitting a weekend house 3 ways when I (single parent) had a toddler and we shared a room while they had 2 rooms each (both couples, both with 2 kids).

We sort of cooled off after that. I was a bit hurt that between the four adults, not one of them had said 'oh hang on, it's not really fair to ask Clymene to pay the same when she's literally half the number of people as the rest of us'.

csectionmummas · 19/05/2022 19:01

@aibuuname If two couples are getting two rooms each, they should pay more than you, obviously. However. I can imagine the kids won’t be given “the best” rooms, so there should be considerations for the fact their rooms won’t be as nice as yours.

nightmare to work out. Ugh.

lameasahorse · 19/05/2022 19:07

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hellomeownow · 19/05/2022 19:09

@tomatoesomtoast i guess if you presented it to your friends based on your income, you can see why they disagreed.

BadNomad · 19/05/2022 19:47

In my friendship group, we always split it by number of adults. One of the group has a disability that means we usually need a more expensive accessible property, but we don't ask them to pay extra, nor do the people who have children who take up more space. It's going to cost them a lot more because of meals and activities anyway, and they're our friends. People we like. But if it was a business trip (or holiday with the in-laws) then no way.

aibuuname · 19/05/2022 20:17

Turns out I wasn't the only one thinking this, couple with the baby have sent a message saying that it's more than they where expecting as they thought we would pay per room. Second couple with 2 children have agreed that seems fair as have I. So even if original couple where being CFers rather than an oversight it's going to be hard for them to try and insist it's split 4 ways now.

OP posts:
Testina · 19/05/2022 20:22

@lameasahorse not necessarily. 6 beds costs more than 4 beds to rent, but not always 50% more. Depends on the local market.

If the existing 4 families rented a 4 bed @ £1000, crammed kids into parents room (or was the old adults only set up) then OP would pay 1/4 = £250.

If the 6 bed cost £1400 and OP paid 1/6, that’s £233.

But like I said in my original post - it’s far too complicated to start checking relative prices of properties!

lameasahorse · 19/05/2022 20:26

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GoodThinkingMax · 19/05/2022 20:44

So even if original couple where being CFers rather than an oversight it's going to be hard for them to try and insist it's split 4 ways now.

And if you want to say thank you to the original couple for doing all the leg-work on the booking, you could stand them a bottle of wine or a thank you gift at the start of the holiday - chocolates or wine or something.

Clymene · 19/05/2022 20:46

aibuuname · 19/05/2022 20:17

Turns out I wasn't the only one thinking this, couple with the baby have sent a message saying that it's more than they where expecting as they thought we would pay per room. Second couple with 2 children have agreed that seems fair as have I. So even if original couple where being CFers rather than an oversight it's going to be hard for them to try and insist it's split 4 ways now.

Oh good!