To ask for a snappy comeback for a rude colleague

[Nothavingfunrightnow]

I know IANBU 😁

I very seldom buy new clothing. If I do, a colleague usually comments, sometimes with slightly barbed edges e.g. she wouldn't wear something like that, or I'm brave to wear this at my weight etc. We are both heavy. I'm wearing a new dress today which is markedly different from the clothing I usually wear. It is office appropriate!

Can I have a delicious reply for said colleague, please? We work quite closely so a gentle but pointed "wind your neck in" type reply would be useful, please.

You could go one of two ways.

Either ignore the barbs - “thank you, I love it! Isn’t it a gorgeous dress and it makes me feel great”.

Or a Paddington style hard stare with a deadpan “I wasn’t scouting for opinions”.

Yes, you couldnt carry it off.... (head tilt)

Maybe one day you'll find something that suits you. (Eye brow raise)

"I know you're desperate to be my personal stylist, but I'm sorry... I've already got one, maybe you need one too?"

It depends on what the comment is really. If something about the dress itself, such as 'it's very bright/short/tight/long' I would probably say something along the lines of 'yes, it's lovely isn't it'. If it's about you wearing it that is more difficult. Maybe something like 'I always thought that people our shape/size should wear more exciting clothes than (whatever she is wearing) accompanied by a swift but obvious looking her up and down if you feel brave enough.

Fuck off

I wouldn’t lower yourself. If they comment on the dress just say you love it then smile serenely and you will look fabulous from the high ground.

If she says something that is slightly self-deprecating then maybe kill her with kindness 'oh don't be so hard on yourself. You could look lovely in something like this'.

Or be overly positive if she says you are brave 'you know, I wasn't sure about it either till I tried it on, but I've had so many compliments about how it looks'

I think I would probably just say 'Oh CheekyBint, you really DO pay close attention to my clothes, don't you?' then place a hand on her arm and quietly say 'Is everything okay? I have some items I was going to drop off at the charity shop, but, you know, if you need them... just ask...'

Her comments are clearly coming from a place of insecurity so I would try to rise above it.
If I felt I couldn’t let it go then I would simply call them out on being rude and ask them to keep their comments to themselves, rather than coming up with a witty comeback, which may only add fuel to the fire.
If she’s commenting on your weight then her comments can be considered bullying so you should report her if it keeps happening.

I agree with this.

Thinking up snappy replies in advance never goes anywhere good. They’re almost always less funny and clever than the author thinks they are.

I love mumsnet. Thank you!

She once told me she was surprised I am confident enough to go online dating considering my size. Those were not her words, but that was the implication of what she said.

I agree the comment are less funny than you think.

Either ignore, or reply seriously: “Lisa, you frequently comment negatively on what I wear, I don’t like it - please stop.”

That doesn’t sound barbed at all, though.

The higher ground is your friend . As above .

Yes it does! Why should it be surprising for a woman to be confident enough to online date? Just because she may be overweight?

I find ‘Ouch’ and a hard stare takes the wind out people’s sails.

Or an invitation to repeat what they just said, especially when accompanied by an incredulous expression.

Anything that sidesteps the one-down position they’re trying to put you into.

Le us know how you get on op

I think if she says something about the dress, too short, too long simply say 'Thank you, I love it, I've had so many lovely comments when wearing it' pretend to misunderstand her

Or if it's 'people of your size shouldn't wear prints or wear it, how about 'I've had lovely comments when wearing it, I'm sure you would too'

She clearly doesn’t feel confident at her weight. Maybe she just wishes she could be as confident as the OP.
I wouldn’t use a “snappy comeback”. Remain professional. Please don’t comment on my weight etc.

Sounds like she’s projecting, massively. She’s putting her own fears, insecurities and self-loathing onto you.

I wouldn't lower yourself. No matter how good the 'snippy' remarks sound written down, they nearly always sound cringey when said aloud. Especially when rehearsed.

Personally, if she made a shitty comment, I'd just say 'thanks' and carry on with my day. Or just look at her and smile. Let her see that her unwarranted opinions are just water off a ducks back.

How about, 'Yes. We're very different.'

When she says ‘you’ she really means ‘I’.

yes we are very different is a great response

She's completely jealous that's why she's trying to put you down. Especially if you've recently changed in some way and left her behind. I wouldn't say anything but just continue looking fabulous she might get over it or not, who cares?

@toastynuttynuts re the OLD, neither of us know what the woman actually said, as OP herself said it was implied (so add her own bias into the mix) and we can’t know the tone.

So obviously between us we can’t decided if it definitely was or wasn’t barbed. 😀But…

Thin person looks you up and down with a curled lip and says in a sneer tone: “I’m surprised you have the confidence for OLD” = most definitely barbed (well, not even as subtle as barbed!)

Fellow heavy (OP’s term) says the exact same thing line wistfully, “I’m surprised you have the confidence for OLD” = own insecurity that they’d go no interest online because of their size and the comment is simply about their own fears, not barbed at all.