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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for a snappy comeback for a rude colleague

100 replies

Nothavingfunrightnow · 19/05/2022 07:49

I know IANBU 😁

I very seldom buy new clothing. If I do, a colleague usually comments, sometimes with slightly barbed edges e.g. she wouldn't wear something like that, or I'm brave to wear this at my weight etc. We are both heavy. I'm wearing a new dress today which is markedly different from the clothing I usually wear. It is office appropriate!

Can I have a delicious reply for said colleague, please? We work quite closely so a gentle but pointed "wind your neck in" type reply would be useful, please.

OP posts:
KeepYaHeadUp · 19/05/2022 09:17

ElenaSt · 19/05/2022 08:38

'Piss off Fatso!'

Although that might get you the sack.

Just do a massive yawn when she makes a snide comment, laugh and then when she's out of the office put elastic bands around the bottom of each sleeve of her coat so that when she leaves and goes to put her coat on she can't push her arm all the way through to put the coat on!

😂😂

Nopetryagain · 19/05/2022 09:19

If ever there was a time for the classic “did you mean to be so rude” it’s this!

Daisiesunderblueskies · 19/05/2022 09:22

My fall back two (and I have used them more often than I care to remember) are:

"You're entitled to your opinion however rude/ignorant/wrong it may be"

"Luckily, your opinion is of absolutely no consequence to me"

I also love "can you repeat that please", again and again and again until they are shamed into stopping :)

Idontgiveashitanymore · 19/05/2022 09:22

Personally I’d tell her to go fuck herself.

FatOaf · 19/05/2022 09:22

"Oh. I never notice what you're wearing because it's so nondescript."

easyday · 19/05/2022 09:24

Great @toastynuttynuts! And of course she's doing exactly as these posts suggest and just projecting her own insecurities.
I'd just smoke away and say thanks, and ignore the implied insult.

Caminante · 19/05/2022 09:24

FatOaf · 19/05/2022 09:22

"Oh. I never notice what you're wearing because it's so nondescript."

Or even, " it's funny, I never notice what you're wearing"

HairyScaryMonster · 19/05/2022 09:29

Ray of sunshine today aren't you.

PixieLaLa · 19/05/2022 09:34

I would just go for a patronising “Awwwww” fake smile then carry on with your day!
I agree it’s obviously coming from a place of insecurity but that doesn’t make it ok to be rude to you.

lisavanderpumpscloset · 19/05/2022 09:36

erikbloodaxe · 19/05/2022 07:52

Yes, you couldnt carry it off.... (head tilt)

Maybe one day you'll find something that suits you. (Eye brow raise)

Love this

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 19/05/2022 09:36

I agree that it's coming from a position of insecurity and jealousy that you don't share her insecurity, just because you both happen to be carrying a bit of timber.

When she says "I wouldn't wear that" and similar, take it at face value - SHE would be too insecure to wear it - and don't 'accept' it as a criticism of YOU, even if that's what she intends it to be.

I'd be inclined to take her literally and keep the focus on her and her issue. Maybe ask if she's considered researching self-confidence techniques or being bold about tackling her insecurities.

That way, if she is projecting, you might help give her a positive kick up the backside to realise she has an issue (that isn't a foregone conclusion at a heavier weight, as you don't have it) and to think about doing something to help herself, rather than just wallowing helplessly in it and using you as her foil; if she isn't projecting and is genuinely just wanting to make nasty comments to upset you, that's a massive great "Ooooooff!!" straight back at her!

HairyBum · 19/05/2022 09:38

‘Rude’

say nothing more then this each time and do it in a light hearted way with a smile

EmilyBolton · 19/05/2022 09:47

toastynuttynuts · 19/05/2022 07:57

I think I would probably just say 'Oh CheekyBint, you really DO pay close attention to my clothes, don't you?' then place a hand on her arm and quietly say 'Is everything okay? I have some items I was going to drop off at the charity shop, but, you know, if you need them... just ask...'

Ouch

EmilyBolton · 19/05/2022 09:48

Caminante · 19/05/2022 09:24

Or even, " it's funny, I never notice what you're wearing"

Show quote history

I like this. It works On lots of levels. Not rude. Bit effective 👏

notanothertakeaway · 19/05/2022 09:55

ILetThisHappen · 19/05/2022 08:24

Funny you should say that….when I put it on this morning I wondered what you would have to say about it 😊🙄😇

Not a big fan of "witty comebacks" as they usually backfire, but I do like this one

I guess another option might be "How about we agree not to make personal comments. I won't criticise yours and you don't criticise mine. Deal?" Many people who make these horrible comments have surprisingly low self esteem. She might back off if she thinks that you might start making negative comments about her own appearance

Calphurnia88 · 19/05/2022 10:01

PurpleDaisies · 19/05/2022 07:59

I agree with this.

Thinking up snappy replies in advance never goes anywhere good. They’re almost always less funny and clever than the author thinks they are.

Show quote history

Both of these. Especially in a professional setting (not that colleague is behaving at all professionally but OP can choose to).

Iamnotamermaid · 19/05/2022 10:12

'Oh please grow up' in an exasperated tone is my go to stock phrase for these occasions. The 'Please' is optional...

TempName01 · 19/05/2022 10:13

‘I wouldn’t wear that’ - ‘no, I don’t think it would suit you’
’thats an unusual outfit’ - ‘you know me, I don’t like to be drab’

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 19/05/2022 10:27

it's funny, I never notice what you're wearing

This
It is (fairly) polite
Lets her know she isn't even on your radar
And that she is weird for keeping on commenting on your clothes

Nowomenaroundeh · 19/05/2022 10:37

Iamnotamermaid · 19/05/2022 10:12

'Oh please grow up' in an exasperated tone is my go to stock phrase for these occasions. The 'Please' is optional...

Perfect

Hoolahulahoop · 19/05/2022 10:42

Isn't it just awful to have to deal with these people 🤐i work with someone I don't like die to a big mouth and no brains. I walk off. Don't tell her anything and so on. But it is hard.

CantStartaFireWithoutaSpark · 19/05/2022 11:15

What’s it to you?
oh and since when does your opinion matter?
that would be helpful if your opinion mattered, but it doesn’t.
fuck off you rude b*h

ghost her. Stop looking for her validation. You’re so much better than her

Penners99 · 19/05/2022 11:31

“When I want your opinion I will beat it out of you. Until then, just stay quiet”

Notimeforaname · 19/05/2022 11:41

Sounds like she’s projecting, massively. She’s putting her own fears, insecurities and self-loathing onto you.

Oh for sure!

Next time she says anything about what youre wearing or how you had the nerve to wear it, just smile and say "Anything suits a good looking person" and laugh.
Shes so insecure that your confidence will wreck her head 😁

LaurieFairyCake · 19/05/2022 12:06

Can you please come back and tell us what you said ? Grin