To ask for a snappy comeback for a rude colleague

[Nothavingfunrightnow]

I know IANBU 😁

I very seldom buy new clothing. If I do, a colleague usually comments, sometimes with slightly barbed edges e.g. she wouldn't wear something like that, or I'm brave to wear this at my weight etc. We are both heavy. I'm wearing a new dress today which is markedly different from the clothing I usually wear. It is office appropriate!

Can I have a delicious reply for said colleague, please? We work quite closely so a gentle but pointed "wind your neck in" type reply would be useful, please.

I would consistently reply any of the following -
What a nasty remark
What a rude thing to say
What exactly do you mean by that comment
How unprofessional, you could call it bullying

Funny you should say that….when I put it on this morning I wondered what you would have to say about it 😊🙄😇

"Can you smell something? (pretend to cough in your hand & say bullshit)"
Or "oh pipe down you in the cheap seats"
Shes trying to knock your confidence, you go girl 💐

Are you naturally rude or did you take it for A Level?

If she says, "Oh I couldn't wear that" then, "Well of course you couldn't".

Now I was one of those saying earlier that the lines won’t be as clever or funny as you think.
But I do like this one 👏🏻🤣

Why don’t you just say, that was very rude. Because she is very rude and I’m pretty sure she get hauled up for being unprofessional.

A good thing to say when people make such rude comments is

why do you say that?
can you please explain?

Keep going with it so they have to explain what they are saying and why.

“Ouch , why are you so intent on blowing my confidence or did you just want to be hurtful “ ?

“Ouch, meow “

“ouch , that told me , best crawl back into my box and never allow my ultra fat body in public ever again “

ask her straight , plain talking May shut her up
alternatively ignore her and hold your head high and continue to enjoy life

Wow, how rude??

My go to comeback is "I've had worst insults by better people".

"Thankyou it was a present from a lover"

I like this one!

It one can't be challenged or misinterpreted in any way because it's completely true. If anyone were to feel offended by it, then it means that their own comments were indeed intended to be pass agg/offensive and they are taking offence to being called out on it.

Definitely this. It's high ground, while still being direct.

I cannot for the life of me understand why people feel the need to comment like this.

The only time I ever pass comment on a colleague/friends clothes or whatever is to compliment them.

'Piss off Fatso!'

Although that might get you the sack.

Just do a massive yawn when she makes a snide comment, laugh and then when she's out of the office put elastic bands around the bottom of each sleeve of her coat so that when she leaves and goes to put her coat on she can't push her arm all the way through to put the coat on!

Just go for an obvious statement. ‘ That’s a very rude thing to say to someone’z

Ask her why she is surprised. See what she says

Those arent slightly barbed comments. They are put downs and insults

To be honest - regardless of what I said in my other post (which is what I would like to do), in real life I probably wouldn't say anything until I got so cross I would probably say something like 'For goodness sake (I rarely swear) stop commenting on what I wear - it has absolutely nothing to do with you and I am fed up of it! Then she would get offended and go to our boss and tell l him I was rude to her and she is upset - and then I would be told off and it would all be my fault.... Despite the fact that I had her putting up with her rude commends for months! (Can you tell I have been in the same situation? Different comments though)

I don't like this. It tells her that you are giving her and her comments headroom; don't give her the satisfaction.

Ask her to explain what she means..watch her dig a hole

High ground is the way to go. No matter what she says, smile sweetly and treat it as a compliment.

They say so much more about her own insecurity. I like the pp of I wondered what you’d say type comment.
Don’t be mean back, she’ll probably escalate it. I have a colleague who lost weight and is terrified of gaining it. I lost weight and regained it. That’s her absolute nightmare scenario. She makes little digs which would upset some. I have to say they genuinely don’t hurt me as I know it’s her own demons sitting on her shoulder. I’m just glad they don’t jump on mine.

"Oh piss off Sarah/Ann/Jennifer"

"I wouldn't wear that"

I wasn't offering it to you

Put the ball back in her court, I’d say things like

“what do you mean by that?”, ”sorry I’m not following you, what are you trying to say?”
”why do you say that?” etc etc.

if she’s making barbs, act dumb and let her try and dig her way out of it.