To think 24 months is too early for nursery?

[RubyEmma212121]

My ds had his second day at nursery. He had two settling in sessions which he loved and enjoyed.

He did 9am to 1pm yesterday and was beaming when I picked him up full of smiles and said goodbye to everyone.

Today he did a long day 8am to 1pm. When I picked him up he seemed disorientated and distressed. His eyes were red raw and they said he'd been crying non stop ever since lunch asking for mummy over and over again.

I asked him if he wanted to go back when we got home and he keeps saying no nursery.

Is this normal? He seemed so happy before so not sure what's changed? Is the new environment no longer exciting and now he realised I'm not there and is experiencing a seperarion anxiety. I asked if anything happened and they said no.

AIBU for having a wobble about leaving him now?

This title has annoyed me.
OP get a grip.

It’s probably the worst age to try and settle them, either older so they understand or young when they don’t have a clue what’s going on!

With my oldest and ideally with my youngest I’d said not before three and could communicate clearly, and my oldest it worked perfectly she started at 3, and I could explain to her what was happening and she settled well.
Well my youngest was born just before covid and as she hit the age to start baby and toddler groups they all shut down, she missed
out massively on socializing and making friends, by age 2 my oldest had a little crew and we all went out regularly to groups etc but this wasn’t possible for my youngest, and I could see her falling behind, she hated other kids, would cry and get upset if one came near her. So as nursery’s were open I decided to start her a year earlier. Best decision ever! My little ice Queen is now a friendly confident and very happy little girl, has friends and is coming on leaps and bounds. She’s never cried going in, always smiles coming out and although I’d have loved to have the same experience as first time, I no longer feel like I did about starting at 3, I can tell my daughter is happy, I could tell from the first day, but had she not been I’d have stopped and waited. Every child is different it works for some and not For others, I’d give it a couple of weeks though in your case as they do need to get used to the new routine of it all.

8-1 is not a long day?

Two is quite a tricky age to settle them into new things. Younger or older would probably cause less stress, but I would persevere.

Can someone tell me what goady means ??

Mine went to nursery 3 long days (8-6) a week when he was one, he settled in quickly, I think I cried more than him. When he was just 2 he started going to a second nursery 2 of those days as I changed my job. Settling in at 2 was much much harder but he ended up loving it there until he went to school.

Deliberately trying to get people's backs up

Hi OP, any change in routine upsets a young child and takes an adjustment period to get used to, the good news is that it is not a long adjustment. Our DD has gone to daycare since she was 6 months, and loves it, but if she is out for as much as a long weekend, she does have to re-adjust to going back. The same goes for changing to an older classroom/new teachers etc. What might help is bringing a toy from home to snuggle during nap time, or if you ask them what their routine is so that you can try to replicate it a bit at home at the weekend. i've found trying to follow what they do really does make life a bit easier with regards to nap times, meal times etc. By and large, I think that children really thrive with stability and routine. You'll get there, just give it a fair go!

I usually find older DC take longer to settle than babies. My oldest was in nursery at 4 1/2mths. No choice as maternity leave was rubbish and I couldnt afford longer. I did three long days a week and spent 4 days with him. My other DC went to nursery at around 7mths. They settled no problem at all. You need to stop asking your DC if they want to go back, its not a choice therefore you need to place a positive spin on it or you will end up making him think he doesnt have to go back...

Are you sending him because you need to or for socialisation? If the latter I would suggest stopping, playgroups with you are enough at 2. DD1 went from 13 months, DD2 won’t go until school nursery age at 3.5 as I’m currently on mat leave for DC3 (who will start when I return to work when he’s around 2). I don’t see the point in sending them if you don’t actually need to. Children that young don’t need nursery to socialise and don’t have ‘friends’. They don’t really play with (as opposed to alongside) other children until 3 anyway.

Well my DS was 8 months so I am obviously a horrible mother

Children that young don’t need nursery to socialise and don’t have ‘friends’. They don’t really play with (as opposed to alongside) other children until 3 anyway.

I never got this argument. Playing alongside children is how they learn to socialise its an integral part of their development and what leads to the thing people consider as proper play. Without learning these skills children won't know how to play with each other. It's just as important.

Mine went at 16 weeks! Doesn't seem to have dine her any harm.

@Owwlie yes to socialise him and to get a bit of a break as am on mat leave with my 4 month old.

Gosh. My 2.5 year old nursery attendee has been clearly communicating for months.

@Footloose78

I haven’t/ wouldn’t send mine until 3 when they can clearly communicate with me. I’ve chosen to stay at home until preschool age - but would have chosen a nanny if that hadn’t been an option

urgh mumsnet privilege at its finest!

Like we can all do that! Costs of living rises mean nothing to you?

Or as well, even want to do that! I would actually want a career to go back to after maternity leave, after three years there’s no guarantee you’ll still have a job.

You are soooooo out of touch!

I echo this. My DS went to nursery at 11 months - it was me in bits that first day; he had a great time!

@PinkSyCo it is a luxury. Either you get top up benefits or have a very high earning partner - either way you are enabled to spend two years with your child. My partner earns just about over the limit for anything to top us up and make living in London possible with one income. I had to go back to work after 11 months and it was bloody hard.

Yes but a child can just as easily socialise with other children at playgroups, the park, soft play etc. They don’t need it to be at nursery. And I sent my DD1 from 13 months when I returned to work, so I’m not criticising, just saying that from a development point of view it isn’t necessary

@RubyEmma212121 in that case I would persevere, I’m on mat leave with my 6 month old and if I could afford to send DD2 (she’s also 2) in for a couple of half days a week I would! It’s impossible to get anything done with two little ones. DD1 cried at drop off everyday, 3 days a week, for nearly a year. And she cried if I was later than my usual collection time (straight after their tea at 3). If I didn’t have to send her then I probably would have stopped after a few months if she hasn’t settled. But I would persevere past 2 settling in sessions, I was told 2 weeks is the usual time it takes to settle.

My little one was in a childcare setting from 9 months old until school.....8am until 6pm .....i can honestly say that it was horrendous for both her and us..(overtired, night terrors...constant cycle) ... Unfortunately we needed to work so had to do it.... I dont think, in my opinion that YABU.

@owwlie that's really helpful, thank you! I echo the not being able to get anything done, bonkers, right?!

No

No 2 years old is not too young to go to nursery. The vast majority of children that need nursery care go well before 2 years old. My eldest ds went at 2 MONTHS because in days gone by we only got 14 weeks maternity leave.

So this is your son's second day? He's probably exhausted. All mine were tired after nursery. It's also a big adjustment, especially when you consider he's also become a big brother recently.
Personally I would carry on and just be really positive and upbeat about nursery as much as you can.
My son was 7 months when he started nursery and we still get a few tears some days but generally he loves it and has come on so much since he started there.