To think 24 months is too early for nursery?

[RubyEmma212121]

My ds had his second day at nursery. He had two settling in sessions which he loved and enjoyed.

He did 9am to 1pm yesterday and was beaming when I picked him up full of smiles and said goodbye to everyone.

Today he did a long day 8am to 1pm. When I picked him up he seemed disorientated and distressed. His eyes were red raw and they said he'd been crying non stop ever since lunch asking for mummy over and over again.

I asked him if he wanted to go back when we got home and he keeps saying no nursery.

Is this normal? He seemed so happy before so not sure what's changed? Is the new environment no longer exciting and now he realised I'm not there and is experiencing a seperarion anxiety. I asked if anything happened and they said no.

AIBU for having a wobble about leaving him now?

It sounds like he’s picking up on your anxiety.

Yes normal, you’re only on settling session now 2. The first one usually goes fine as you’ve described they’re distracted by the novelty, the second one they realise oh what again where’s mummy …

Mine went from 1yo I know a lot of families who send from 1yo, so I don’t think 24 months is too young. I don’t think you’re being goady either if this is your first experience of sending your child to nursery - what’s normal is for every mum to wonder if they’re doing the right thing. They’re skipping in and not even waving goodbye once settled. Mine settled after 1 week. It must be harder for you as your child is verbalising “no nursery”, that would really tug at my heart strings too! Soon he’ll understand that he’ll be back with mummy at a certain time and throw himself into the activities and socialising.

Agree with this. My DD has gone to her childminder since 7.5 months - she's now 13 months and absolutely thriving there. I have to prise her away some days. 😂

Well done. Heres a round of applause for having options that plenty of women dont have. Ffs what a brain dead post.

My DD started a new nursery when she was 22 months (after having 2 months at home with me while we moved house, moved job) and it took longer for her to settle, more upset than when she started nursery number 1 at 11 months.
Of course he isn’t too young, but it’s still only day 2 - you probably need to adjust your expectations!

Yep. This

Yep

Do you mean 2? He's 2.

My kids started at 1 and it wasn't too young. They settle in.

Okay. I have worked in nursery’s most of my life.

1. it can take a few weeks for children to settle in. And there can be a few tears in that time. If u think about it. He is in a strange place without u. Not many children in my long experience handle that by just walking in and getting on with it.


2. my own son screamed and screamed for the first few weeks. In a nursery that I used to work at. And knew the staff.


3. all he is seeing right now is the bad. So yes when you ask he will say no. Don’t ask. Be happy and jolly etc etc.

he will settle in. As I said it depends on the individual child.

can I ask how often he is going.

It's his second day. He's 2 years old. 8am to 1pm is not a long day. Kids cry.

He needs time to settle. He's obviously not too young as plenty of children go at a younger age. Give it chance.

Why did you ask him if he wanted to go back??? He’s 2. He’s tired, he’s getting used to new people. He’ll be fine if you don’t pass your anxieties onto him!

Why is 8-1 a long day? You said he did 9-1 previously no problem. Not sure an hour more even for a 2 year old makes a massive difference.

Well both mind went at 6 months and are quite well adjusted teenagers… although I cried leaving them and almost wished they didn’t 🙄

I got what you meant OP. Your question reflects a lot of the 121 conversations I have with peers returning to work after first born. Just put your hard hat on because you posted a touchy title in AIBU!

Your title makes you sound like a judge asshole

Firstly hes 2 whats with the 24 months thing? Secondly many children go to nursey from a much much younger age and thrive so why would you think 2 is to young?

Your child may not be ready to go only you will know that but its still early days and he needs time to settle. All 3 of mine started preschool at 2 and took varying lengths of time to settle but none of them instantly settled with no tears its a big adjustment and they needed the adults around them to be positive about it. Try changing "do you want to go back to nursery" to "your going to have ao mich fun at nursery today youll get to play outside and see your friends"

My 4yr old still says no if i ask her if shes going to preschool but when i phrase it differently she gets excited about going.

If he has to go to nursery so you can work then YABU for asking him whether he wanted to go back.

You don't give kids the choice whether to go to the dentist.

If he doesn't need to go and neither of you are happy then don't send him.

An hour of solid crying asking for mummy would worry me. If it's just normal settling wobbles then the nursery should be able to distract the child.

No, I don't think 2 years old is too young for nursery.

Do the nursery not offer more settling in days? 2 isn’t much at all. My DD (21m so similar age) starts nursery full time next week, and has had almost 2 weeks of settling in days. 1 hour at first for few days then 2 and now 3. Still a big jump from 3 hours to a full day which is 9 hours for us but at least she has gotten very used to nursery in the past 1.5 weeks.

Your DS is still settling in, it takes time and of course if you ask a toddler they would much rather stay with you. I would definitely give it more time and perhaps ask nursery if you can do a few half days to build up to it (if you don’t have a deadline when to go back to work if course)

I’d also ask MN to change title as you’ll upset people understandably. Plenty of mums have to put DC in nursery at a very young age due to finances - our nursery takes them from 4 months so no 2 definitely isn’t too young!

I think your post title was always going to get pps backs up a bit but i can see that wasnt your intention.
My children went to nursery for 2 full days a week from 12mo when my mat leave ended.
They loved it immediately. Yep there were a few wobbles in the first few weeks esp for my youngest who was a covid baby and not as well socialised via clubs etc.... but they both throughly enjoyed nursery. 2 isnt young to start at all

Two years?

You think most people have the luxury of 2 whole years at home with their babies?

You think those of us who had to use childcare are harming our kids?

Seriously, do one.

For what it's worth, my 19 month old who went at 11 months is very well adjusted and loves nursery. Maybe you harmed yours by not giving them space to grow and explore with kids their own age younger.

24 months?!?! I'm sending mine at 10 months.... am I a terrible parent ?

24 month thing was purely to highlight he's just turned 2 as opposed to being almost 3 yrs old

@JulyDreams

Mine went at 7.5 months so I must be an even crapper parent than you ... 😒

(only joking, DD loves her childminder more than being at home sometimes) 😂

OP,
Maybe he was overtired... had he been allowed to have a nap. Try the shorter day again, until he's settled more.

Talk about nursery and what fun he will have and keep telling him... mummy will come and get you..2 year olds have a better understanding of time... Where as a smaller child doesn't.

It's not a nice feeling to know your child is crying for you. 😔